Paging the Facepuncher General
Facepuncher General to the purple courtesy phone.

This didn't happen to me but to a colleague, so I just had to roll my eyes and sympathise, but they were livid. They called the service desk to report that they were unable to access the Incident Management System. Service Desk creates an incident in the Incident Managing System with a next action of "user to update incident record with more details".
She only found out when she phoned an hour later to find out what progress. It took several tries before the service desk grasped the problem.

Who have you encountered lately who needs an application of the Clue-By-Four violently to the nads?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 12:46, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What?
What?

What?

...what?

fuck off
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 12:48, Reply)

This great, it's like you're turning into me while I'm away

(Bazongaloid, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 12:53, Reply)

but less funny
much less funny

and you're not particularly funny. apart from the 7 point plan
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Well you're not particularly smug.
Apart from your stupid hob breaking child abusing croissant hoovering beardy face.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 12:57, Reply)

where did the hoovering bit come from?
I am smug though. and that is because I have things to be smug about. I don't see that as much of a problem.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Boys, boys...
When will you cease this trading of insults and just admit that you're in love with each other? The internet isn't fooled by any of it.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Man on man love is a wonderous thing.

( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:01, Reply)

You forgot limping

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Why does he limp?
Did someone kick him in the cock?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:00, Reply)

someone threw a glass bottle out of a car window
and it hit me in the knee

incredibly painful at the time, but with strangely little after effects
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:01, Reply)

That sounds really shit
were they aiming at you in particular, or just any random passer by?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:02, Reply)

random passerby I assume
some chavved up hatchback, doing about 40 or so.

fucking agony, I've never nearly thrown up from pain before
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:03, Reply)

stop it
you're killing me!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:04, Reply)

can't think of a better reason to carry on talking about it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:05, Reply)

What sort of bottle was it?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:07, Reply)

can't give you specifics
green glass, bigger than a 330ml beer bottle, but not as big as a wine bottle
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Hmmmmm
I'm afraid I'm not able to offer any further advice in this matter since I don't have sufficient details, but I can't help thinking that if you somehow had a wife and child, the ability to build your own house and a burgeoning dependence on alcohol things would somehow be better for you.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:10, Reply)

you know, I get the feeling you are right
if only there was some kind of plan to follow....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:13, Reply)

Someone threw a bottle out of a car
*sniggers* The more I think about it the funnier it is
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:02, Reply)

I have no idea what you are talking about

(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:01, Reply)

I think he is trying say that he likes breasts.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:09, Reply)

There was this thing they couldn't use
And in order to fix it the help monkeys wanted them to use it.
It's not fucking rocket science you halfwits.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Well. I got it.
Bit like getting the finance on our new car.

"You'll need to provide proof of your mortgage".

"We don't have one, we own the property outright".

"In that case we'll need to see proof of ownership".

*Proffers deeds, lease and solicitors letter. All is well for a week*

Phone rings. "Problem processing your finance agreement. We need proof of home ownership, can you provide a bank statement showing your mortgage payments"?

"We don't have a mortgage". *explains*

"We'll need to see a copy of the deeds then"

"But I brought that over last week".

Etc.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 18 Feb 2010, 16:19, Reply)