No one cares about your stupid kid Noel
What they do care about is me. And breasts. And pugs vomiting rainbows.

When crazy girl leaves in a couple of weeks I think I am going to be so busy I won't have time for b3ta, which is possibly a fate worse than death. Because I won't have time to talk to you crazy people I think I need to find some crazy real life people, what's a good cheap way to meet crazy people, apart from killing a tramp?

Alternatively what's the weirdest colour vomit you have ever sicked? Mine started off red and then went green it was like traffic light sicks!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:23, 78 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

If you want to meet crazy people I can recommend going to a poetry evening.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I don't like pugs.
Gumsy may get upset about this, but he's ten shades of wrong anyway.
How are your boobs this morning?
( thealternativefact, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:29, Reply)

My boobs are awesome
I'm wearing a low cut top so they can have some sun
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:41, Reply)

I vomited up a whole vol-au-vent once
It still had the tuna mayonaise in place.

The colour was not exceptional.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:32, Reply)

I once threw up a completely undigested
tinned plum tomato onto the seat of my chum's lavatory. So remarkably unscathed by its brief sojourn in my innards was it, that even though I could barely see, having 'shotgunned' a can of 'Kestrel Super', that I went and got everyone to have a look.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:37, Reply)

You're my favourite scumbag.

( thealternativefact, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:41, Reply)

*eats croissant*


*vomits copiously*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:06, Reply)

My brother witnessed my atempt
It was on the end of his bed, and its good to share.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:41, Reply)

I love the juxtaposition of beautifully written prose and a revolting subject

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:42, Reply)

I have vague memories
of waking up suddenly one night and enthusiastically regurgitating a quantity of spaghetti bolognese that, in the limited light of my nocturnal environment, still seemed to resemble its original form, as though my digestive system had decided to reverse its normal activity and attempt to turn the masticated mess I'd swallowed hours before back into the shape it had originally taken on the plate.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:52, Reply)

Public libraries are the place to be, to meet nutters.
Nutters who smell of wee, to boot.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I just got here.
The bus stop seems to be a good place to meet crazies, or Hemel Hempstead train station car park.
( wanderlust, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:34, Reply)

My whole trip
To Hemel Hempstead last year was full of crazies. So, so many crazies.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:35, Reply)

HOW'S IT GOING?
When are we allowed to have a meal there?
( thealternativefact, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:35, Reply)

You can go whenever you like but I won't be there.
It turns out I'm useless and shouldn't be allowed to interact with the public.
( wanderlust, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:37, Reply)

SHUT UP!
I'm public and you interact with me brilliantly.
( thealternativefact, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:38, Reply)

o_O

(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Oh Clenders, you know I'll always treat you like a right little darling.
It's alright, I'll go get a job hidden away in a basement office with no one to talk to apart from a woman who loves chatting about her falling womb. Oh wait, I've already done that. Bugger.
( wanderlust, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:49, Reply)

:(

( thealternativefact, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:51, Reply)

WTF is a falling womb
I'm imagining some sort of uterial yo-yo
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Prolapse is such a lovely word.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:54, Reply)

what? what???!?!!? WHAT!!?!??
Right I am going down to Laaandaaan right now to dish out some PAAAAAIN
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:42, Reply)

I can not even belieive in my entire life that you would ever go down to lahndahn without even seeing me even once for a bit.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:44, Reply)

After I dish up some PAAAAIN
we can go for subway?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Dinner next week, bitch?

( thealternativefact, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Bus stops and train stations are also pretty good for viewing irregular vomit.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Yeh...
totally want to hang around with you at weekends, Porko.
( thealternativefact, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Not weekends.
It's normally the usual fun-filled start to a working day.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:46, Reply)

I get confused between Hemel Hempstead and Hampstead Heath.
Is this a bad mistake to make?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:24, Reply)

Public transport is your friend.
Pick a bus route serving a sink estate and all will be well.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:35, Reply)

This man speaks the truth
I can heartily recommend the 265 bus route if you're ever in South London...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Purple Ribena sicks FTW

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I once sicked up a pug

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:40, Reply)

no no
you sicked up a pLug
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Was that because you were kicked by a rainbow?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:44, Reply)

kicked bummed
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:44, Reply)

I grabbed a pint of milk straight out of the fridge and downed it to try and deal with my hangover. It bounced.
Puking pure white ice-cold liquid is quite disturbing.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:43, Reply)

You should never down anything when hungover
As someone who has been hungover I am, of course, an expert on this
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Naturally.
That little episode turned me into one of the nation's top dairy farmers.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Listen up, TGB, and listen good.
I was wondering, I've been wondering about this for a little while now, when are we going to take our relationship to the next level? I feel this 'thing' we've had between us is getting stagnent, and we need to spice it up a little.

P.S - did you hear? There is a Subway AND sushi shop within easy walkable distance from my home, just sayin', like, you know, in case....
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Oh Gonz
Will you take me up to your rooftop garden as well?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaaaaaaaa
Don't spike yourself on a dead plant.
( thealternativefact, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:52, Reply)

When I get back from the The Turkish Occupied Land of Cyprus, we're going to give planting a new go.
With all sorts of edible goodies, and now we've got decent flatmates, I think it'll survive.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:55, Reply)

That is more than possible, in time, mon-cherie.
Would it be to obvious if, when the weather heats up a bit, I do a "Hay guys ! I'm having a BBQ on the roof ! Bring meat to burn, condiments to fill and drink to flow. You're all invited, unless TGB can't come, in which case, we'll do it another time." ?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:53, Reply)

FUCK YOU GONZ!
I retract the charming dinner invitation I made ^
( thealternativefact, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:56, Reply)

I accidently clicked 'I like this'.
We _do_ need to meet up, in the near future, I want you to take me to that awesome rib place, and maybe we could go see a theater show, that would be great.

I'm dashing off now, but get your people to talk to my people and we'll see if we can synagize our scheduals.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:58, Reply)

London Underground, on a Friday, at about 11.45pm.
Also - see the time I sicked up blood in to my Mum's face.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:50, Reply)

If anyone started puking blood near me
I'd assume they're infected with the Rage virus and cut their head off.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Be fair, I was 10 and had just had my tonsils out.
In any other situation though, I'd agree with you.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Glasgow Underground, at pretty much any time
Or a Glasgow bus. Or Glasgow city centre.

I once downed a glass of juice, then vomited about twice as much of what looked exactly like said juice. Worrying.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:52, Reply)

Waaaaaaaaaaaah!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:55, Reply)

(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Hahaha

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:57, Reply)

This is what passes for entertainment in Milton Keynes
_{I like it...}
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:59, Reply)

That's not me in the picture by the way.
It's just a random one I saw on /talk and wanted an excuse to post it here.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:09, Reply)

I know it's not.
I actually have a vague idea what you look like.

But is it MK?
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Dunno, could be anywhere.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:16, Reply)

I think it is among the best pictures I have ever seen

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:18, Reply)

You see, I thought I recognised the footpath as one of those in Hyde Park
but I could be mistaken. Thinking about it, it could also resemble one of the many footpaths I have walked in Milton Keynes.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Any magic bus on Oxford Road after about 10.
That's when the infamous crazy bus lady shows up.

First night in halls, my flatmate sicked black outside our front door, and my other flatmate thought it was yoghurt.
I sicked bright orange after my birthday last year.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Oh Magic Buses.
I love those things. There was a facebook campaign a while ago to get the drivers to wear wizard costumes.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:26, Reply)

They're way better than shitty Finglands.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Finglands are cheap, though
I scorn Stagecoach. Fucking over priced.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Yeah, like 40p extra for the same journey.
Robbing bastards
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Oooh I forgot.
When I was about ten my parents decided it would be funny to get me utterly wankered on sangria. The joke was on them when I flooded the villa with crimson sick in the middle of the night, and they found me looking on in fascination as a variety of insects emerged from their hiding places to make off with the most appetizing chunks.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:58, Reply)

That's top quality parenting, right there.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:59, Reply)

I genuinely thought I'd had food poisoning up until a couple of years ago,
when I mentioned it and they were all "hahah that wasn't fruit juice we were feeding you hahah".

Still, I'm an alcoholic now so the joke's on them.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:02, Reply)

I've never
vommed a particularly unusual colour, but I have done a green poo. Giving 3 litres of blue slush puppy will do that to a 7 year old, apparently.
(berk, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:10, Reply)

*takes notes*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Move to Liverpool

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:15, Reply)

not sure about colour
but most enjoyable vomit was 1st January 2000. I'd imbibed enough booze the night before to stun a stegosaurus and had the morning vomits every time I ate something.

One of the things I tried eating was ice cream, which came up still cold.

Very soothing. About as enjoyable as throwing up can get.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:18, Reply)

There's something
very confusing about throwing up cold stuff. The morning after a particularly bibulous evening I tried to quench my hangover with a lovely pint of cold squash. It bounced.
On the plus side though, it did have a cooling effect on the horrendous throat I'd given myself drunkenly smoking L&B's.
(berk, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:20, Reply)

the cooling, soothing effect was great
as I'd smoked a lot of spliffs the night before as well, which with the vomiting left my throat quite raw.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:23, Reply)

I throw up a fair bit
I once threw up, drank some fizzy water to sooth myself, threw that up. I swear the bile was fizzy.
I've also eaten, then thrown up pretty much straight away, leaving the food pretty recognisable.
Most unusual colour...bright red. I'd been on blue alcopops (this was...erm...2 months ago. I'm a disaster) so I remember pondering why on earth it was red.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Hellooo!
Have seen you around in yonks, how the devil are you?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Fiiiiiiiine, I've been around, just three links to the left.
I seem to be being burned as a whore. It's not too bad.

Sorry I didn't reply to your last text, battery died and catchup drinks went wrong. Very wrong. Bounding into your male friend's room at 1am, playing disney songs from his laptop, smoking his cigarettes, drinking his neat Lidl vodka straight then making horrible faces, and being a nuisance wrong. How are things in the land of the Magic Bus?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:35, Reply)

That sounds fun.
Although, neat Lidl vodka? no wonder you made faces.

Things are great now that I'm back. Cheshire sucks. Only two people in my flat though, no one else gets back til Sunday. So I have no excuse to not do any work.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Meeting loons on buses is all very well,
but necessarily of limited duration.
For real whackos you cannot get away from - you'll need a Youth Hostel. You'll be with them for at least one meal, possibly breakfast as well, and might even have to spend a whole evening with them!

When young, I swaggered into my local, drank two pints rather quickly - too quickly really - stepped off my bar stool and recycled both pints onto my shoes. Right there by the bar. Strangely, the barman wouldn't serve me another pint.
Wasn't a strange colour though. Much as when I last saw it. It was a spectacular and surprising shower if I say so mysen.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:07, Reply)