Actually I'm with Becky on this one
A lot of my friends are dropping sprogs lately and are falling into the inevitable "so when are you two having your own little bundle of joy then" bollocks. Me, Ms Foxtrot, my best friend and her fella seem to be the last bastions defending the belief that having kids doesn't necessarily have to be your ultimate aim in life, that a lot of the time they're not all sweetness and light but are in fact constantly screeching shit factories.

The worst part? When you say you're not having any, and they coo "oh, you'll change your mind in a few years..."
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:46, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I get exactly the same stuff
the mrs and I have made an executive decision not to have any as well.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:48, Reply)

Just tell them you can't and enjoy the embarrassment.
But you must remember to never discus contraception.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:50, Reply)

Genius :-)
For all I know one or both of us actually can't. Irrelevant really, but try telling the newly maternal that. I'm waiting for post-natal depression to kick in so I can laugh
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:59, Reply)

I've thought about going down the "we can't have any" route
but a couple of my good friends are on their 4th round of IVF to try and have one, so I'd feel a bit bad.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Yeah that's awkward
The problem is that once people have kids they become immensely fucking smug and assured of their own correctness on every topic. Including whether or not you and your partner's life choice regarding procreation is actually right, or just a phase
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:06, Reply)

I hate that new mum thing
a friend of mine at uni got up the duff by accident, so had to drop out. She wasn't the brightest spark in the first place, but as soon as she had dropped the sprog she knew best on every subject and was in charge of everyone. That pisses me off.

My gf's sister freely admitted that she gave birth to her brain when she had her first.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:08, Reply)

And they completely lose the ability to talk about anything else
other than how wonderful their fucking offspring is
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:11, Reply)

You might not and Mrs Foxtrot may be able to fight it

but there is no denying that woman are biologically designed to want kids. This is why it's better to go out with a lady younger than yourself as she will then reach child wanting age at the same time as you.

My Mrs is desperate, I'm terrified!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:50, Reply)

my mrs seems to be biologically designed to want one of these
images.autoexposure.co.uk/AETA22826/AETV94183266_1b.jpg
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I bloody hate that.
I'm nearly 40, I think I know my own mind on the subject.

"But who will look after you when you're older?"

Sorry, but if you have kids so that you have ready made care when you get old and decrepid then you're having them for the wrong reason and they should be taken off you with immediate effect.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:51, Reply)

But who will look after you when you're older?"
My much younger husband :)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:53, Reply)

paedo.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:55, Reply)

I take pictures of him and cut and paste his head onto pictures of other young men.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:57, Reply)

haha
whilst checking the Daily Mail to see if you've been named yet
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:12, Reply)

I hope I have a swirly face in all the photos.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:14, Reply)

I want you lot to pay extra taxes so that I can smooch about doing nothiing for the last 20 years of my life
I can't be arsed to save for it myself. Thanks!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:53, Reply)

smooch?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:55, Reply)

pucker up!

I was aiming for mooch
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:58, Reply)

glad you have said that
as that is the one reason I've come up with, and I've dismissed it for the same reason.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Another thing I can't understand
Is people who have kids and then refuse to let them grow up and make decisions for themselves when they are well into their 20's.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:05, Reply)

yeah, stupid
you'd want them to be independent as soon as possible.

The one thing that really gets my goat is that loads of people tell me they think I'd be a good dad. This comes from good friends as well and just goes to show that they don't know me very well at all.

I'm a horrible bastard, I'm really impatient, I can't stand mess (of the spilt food and vomit kind)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:07, Reply)

A child-free existence works really well until the one sneaky sperm that gets through the condom.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:52, Reply)

The little shits all carry knives these days and just slash their way through
U get me blud?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:54, Reply)

tru dat innit

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:54, Reply)

The All-New Informer Condom.
Guaranteed the bastard will split on you.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:55, Reply)

"Ooh are you getting broody?"
just because I happen to be holding a baby!
My response is usually "Two simultaneous methods of contraception tell me otherwise."

I do like babies and kids, I like holding them, I like babysitting, I like having a laugh and being part of their lives. Doesn't mean my womb is throbbing every time I hold one. I like being an auntie but doubt I'll ever decide to become a mother.

Broody is a stupid word anyway.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:01, Reply)

I'd have thought that becoming a mother would be impossible for you, Gary.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:06, Reply)

They're my two methods of contraception
The pill, and being a male.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Broody
is an awesome word. Especially when used in the context of ducks.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:09, Reply)

or James Dean

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:14, Reply)

I am confused now
But that will not stop me posting this badly 'shopped pun

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:15, Reply)

Hahah!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:17, Reply)