I know it's a link on /ot but fuck it
This had me in fits on the tube this morning:
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/8627335.stm

There's something about the idea of "salt and freshly ground black people" that tickles me pink. What is your favourite recent news item?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:30, 41 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This:

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:36, Reply)

It may not be recent, but it sure takes some beating
www.greenocktelegraph.co.uk/news/greenock/articles/2009/05/22/387727-man-battered-with-tin-of-dog-food/
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Best website ever, that one.
What about that fabulous story about the eyeball? Utter genius.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:47, Reply)

Alas, this happened in Dundee
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/tayside_and_central/8254753.stm

Contains the phrase that no one wants to hear - "pulled and detached her eyeball"

Edit to add MOAR detail

news.stv.tv/scotland/138816-eyeball-gouging-victim-tells-of-life-sentence/
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:49, Reply)

That story truly beggars belief.
I consider myself fairly unshockable but that is a mental story.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:52, Reply)

"I heard him saying 'I'm taking your eye out' - but I didn't think he would have done it"
Completely mental, and the fact that it happened in Dundee came as no surprise. Even the cunts in Greenock draw the line at eye gouging.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Yeah I saw that, I never understand how people can be so vindictive and cruel

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:56, Reply)

I saw this over the weekend and almost died.
Train of consciousness? Racist spell checker? No way was it a typo.

The Ant and Dec headline just about edges it for me though.

**Edit so as to actually answer your question:

I also read this over the weekend (a couple of weeks late) and was tickled.

www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/apr/05/charlie-brooker-world-cup-crisps
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:41, Reply)

funny
I just sent this to someone.......
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:43, Reply)

In the shop just now, they said Jorden is getting a devorce after having a terrible honey moon.
What an insipid vile little cunt she is, presuming that the paper is telling the truth.

Abosuluty vile little bitch, she deserves to be actually banned from getting married, I wouldn't touch her with a bargepole.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Her entire life is just a carefully-constructed PR/money-making campaign.
I struggle to give a toss about it, to be honest, which is most unlike me...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:54, Reply)

She's the embodiment of all that is wrong with the modern media.
Quite frankly, if she died, the only people who'd be upset would be facebook grievers and if she's lucky, half her family.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:56, Reply)

She's playing it like a fiddle.
The real fault lies with the people of Britain, who are so fucking mongoloid that they lap it all up and buy those prole magazines etc.

It's just supply and demand - if Jordan wasn't around some other vapid spastic would fill the void.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:03, Reply)

this is the truth
the sooner most people are eradicated the better
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Celebrity magazine sales have been falling for nearly a year now.
I think we're over the peak and hopefully putting celeb cultchah back where it belongs.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:11, Reply)

let's hope so
or it might just be that in times of economic crisis the proles give up celeb mags first.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:13, Reply)

I kind of wished they had given up breathing first.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:14, Reply)

It could be arranged
One article on how "Jordan and Kerry Katona lose weight and fight off cellulite by not breathing" and you'd have wiped half the buggers out before anyone could file a lawsuit.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:20, Reply)

This one
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/election_2010/8628765.stm
Cameron seems like a cunt in this article and possibly a bit desperate.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:06, Reply)

There was a guy on Today this morning
saying that a seismic change to the Lib Dems "could be absorbed in a normal situation" but at these times of economic uncertainty it would be awful.

Which I found incredibly insulting to anyone voting Lib Dem.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:13, Reply)

God forbid the people of Britain should want a third option
when the other two are Brown and Cameron
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:18, Reply)

or at all for that matter

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:20, Reply)

A bit desperate? I'll say...
A friend directed me to this article this morning - admittedly he's a staunch Tory so his take on things is often different to mine - but he thought I'd find this funny. Funny? It looks to me like Boris Johnson getting his blonde barnet in a twist and producing an immature rant that reads like a 12-year old schoolboy attempting satire for the first time.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Boris will be our next PM if Cameron blows it this time
I'm not saying that to scare anyone, it's terrifyingly possible
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Allegedly Cameron only ran for leader
after Boris threatened to do so if "Dave" didn't. Either way we're running a real gauntlet of having some insufferable Old Etonian twat appointed if we're not careful.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:24, Reply)

If Cameron can't get in after all this momentum he's blown
the Tories will be so desperate - it'll be 18 years out of office by the time they get another shot - that they'll turn to "a character" to lead them. God help us all
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:28, Reply)

A chum texted me yesterday
specifically to tell me that Louis Theroux was Cameron's fag at Eton.

a) so what
b) maybe bollocks

But there you go.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 15:00, Reply)

hmmm
"As for Clegg, I remember thinking that it was indeed a historic debate – the moment when the idea of a third force in British politics finally shrivelled under the Manchester TV lights. He was by far the worst, with many of his answers seeming to be semi-masticated versions of something Cameron had already said."

fairly sure I must have seen a different debate
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Cameron once went to Portsmouth.
He also met a black man once.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:25, Reply)

Yeah, me too
I watched it last night, and whilst all three of them were a bit one-note in terms of their party line drum-beating, Clegg came across as by far the most assured and most likeable, and most of the media reaction has been overwhelmingly positive. The above is someone trying desperately to stem the tide
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:27, Reply)

lib dems seem to be the only ones who've put in thought about how to achieve their policies as well
you are right about them trying to stem the tide.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:29, Reply)

What annoys me most about the Tories banging on about 6 billion of efficiency savings
is that Cameron is on record about 18 months ago saying that efficiency savings are a trick. And yet now he's staking his manifesto on it.

Cunt.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:31, Reply)

he's such a dick
it's worth voting for lib dems merely because Clegg isn't a complete tool.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:34, Reply)

And Clegg outlined a few policies that aren't either
a) half-inched

b) flimsy as fuck

c) obviously bullshit (see Al's example above)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:36, Reply)

god forbid anyone would want to vote for a party that did that....

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Exciting times
A general election that's not a foregone conclusion. First time since 1992. I am positively tumescent with anticipation
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:32, Reply)

They were all shit, Clegg included.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:40, Reply)

It's about who was the least shit.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:43, Reply)

what a miserable situation.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:46, Reply)

isn't it just?
it's getting to the point that I think they are all so shit I want Clegg to win just to piss the others off.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:52, Reply)

You're not allowed an opinion.
A lamb chop, yes, an opinion, no.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 14:45, Reply)