And a whooping sound
Like on a submarine?

EDIT: To be fair, it's 2010, most men can find it now.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:29, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I already supply the whooping sound when they find it.

( girlinthehole, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Ha!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:33, Reply)

When you press it right
It makes a happy noise. When you press it wrong... it bites your finger.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Jesus!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Are you still talking about the clitoris?
Cos it sounds a bit more like a Venus Fly Trap
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:32, Reply)

I've been so dissapointed some times
And I'm too polite to tell them I'm bored and can we please move forwards.

A finger biter would be helpful.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:36, Reply)

might ruin the mood though

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:36, Reply)

naa, bollocks to that
people need to learn

although really, it's not that difficult
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:38, Reply)

what happens when he tells her
that wasn't his finger :(?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:39, Reply)

hmmm
good point, that'd be shit.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:40, Reply)

If you don't know how to do it properly
You shouldn't be using delicate instruments for it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:41, Reply)

Well, you can tell to my 5 previous boyfriends
I thought I didn't have one, or something.

The last bf is very good. And a few toys have helped me to understand it better as well.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:39, Reply)

I'm led to believe that too hard a press is actually bloody horrible
It's a fine line we tread. And unfortunately, we men are mostly clumsy great heffalumps when it comes to sex
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:38, Reply)

The mood's ruined already
Five minutes of making fake noises is not what turns me on.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Surely just telling him?
Can't blame a person if they're not getting a response
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:42, Reply)

Well, you tell them the first 10 times
Then give it for impossible and fake.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:43, Reply)

hah just as a general rule
I wouldn't have sex with anyone I didn't feel comfortable letting them know what was wrong/right.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:44, Reply)

a refreshing attitude and one that would be appreciated by most right thinking men

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:46, Reply)

well it keeps my options down sadly
it's a bit bewildering how anyone could have sex with someone (which is pretty intimate) and yet after having done something that leaves you physically and mentally exposed to some extent, not trust them enough to say what went wrong. But then I'm an old-fashioned sort
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:52, Reply)

I know, I know
But I'm so bad at making people feel bad. I can't say no (that's given me plenty of problems) and I can't tell someone that he's just not good at that and we should try other things. I know that would be the fair thing to do, but they always look so dissapointed... It's like hitting a puppy.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:48, Reply)

OK, someone's going to try this, might as well be me
Shag?

*looks disappointed in anticipation*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Just because I can't see your eyes
I'll say no. But it's not much more difficult :( I don't feel proud of it. Same with doing all kind of stupid favours and having completely unkown people sleeping at my house.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:53, Reply)

don't get me wrong
I see where you are coming from. I do the same thing- do favours for people, or go out of my way to be nice, but not with sex, that's too big a thing to just dismiss my own feelings on
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:56, Reply)

You're obviously a very kind, generous person
But Amberl is right, sex has to be entirely mutual or it just won't be, y'know, proper sex. No way are you going to enjoy yourself if you don't REALLY want to be doing it in the first place
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:59, Reply)

Oh, but I do enjoy it
It was only that bit that I couldn't understand why it was so important, as I didn't feel anything. Everything else was very good.

My actual boyfriend has had me shivering, literally (and I mean literally), unable to control the movement of my body, to the point of breaking on laughing, unable to stop, just because it feels so good everywhere, from toes to head.

I wouldn't have sex twice with a guy if he doesn't make me come at least once.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Thank god not everyone shares your attitude

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:10, Reply)

I'm very easy
If you can't make me come once, you're very bad. And you can usually try several times in one night, if you are up to.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:24, Reply)

I thought you said you weren't up for it?
Also, male ego moment, I'm not THAT bad at sex, honest. No way could I have persuaded Ms Foxtrot to stick around if I was

I'll get back to being a self-depreciating gimp now
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:27, Reply)

I'm using the impersonal "you" there
I don't mean you, just you (in plural). It's complicated.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:29, Reply)

I know, I'm being a cow
Sorry. I do applaud your minimum-orgasm stance though. Us men need to be told what we're doing wrong occasionally
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:38, Reply)

I'll have it into account for the future
Not that I'm planning on leaving my bf, oh no, he's great. But he keeps saying he doesn't mind if I have sex with other people, so I might need it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:53, Reply)

Don't tell me that
You'll make me think the wrong things
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 16:03, Reply)

You should never have to fake it
You do that and he'll think he's doing it right. Tell him how to do it properly and warn him there'll be no heaad otherwise. It's the only way he'll learn
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:42, Reply)

^
clearer than my response
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:44, Reply)

Perhaps we should construct some sort of easy-to-understand how-to guide to finding and manipulating the clitoris

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:45, Reply)

hmm
'The Dummies Guide to the Clitoris'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:53, Reply)

*laugh*

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:54, Reply)

It would sell
But not over the counter. We'd have to do it mail order. No man in the world would walk up to a chap in Waterstones and ask for the Dummies Guide to the Clitoris. Might as well be wearing a badge saying "I am shit in bed"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:58, Reply)

or a badge
saying 'my other body is a sex God'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:59, Reply)

I could do with one of those

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:28, Reply)

we could sell those as well

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:32, Reply)

We need a female equivalent
Possibly "I'll be using these to my advantage" for the bustier lady
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:37, Reply)

An entire range
with complimentary unmarked packaging for the book, so the neighbours just think you're getting a vibrator instead
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:45, Reply)

Perhaps on the outside of the packaging it should say
"For the man with an Armadillo in his trousers" so the recipient looks like a well-hung Spinal Tap afficonado to onlookers
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:49, Reply)

Yeah, I tried that
Didn't work. And it was easier to finish myself with the toys.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Only because they made a song and dance about it on South Park the movie

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:34, Reply)

And a Ladybird book?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:36, Reply)

It's good to teach children these important life skills
Sex-Ed would have been a lot more helpful if, instead of just showing us how to roll condoms over bananas (I'm sure they chose huge bananas to make us feel adequate...), the slightly embarrassed male teacher had just locked the door and said,
"Look lads, it's quite simple: use a condom, it'll spare you a world of misery. See this picture - yep, that's what they really look like, just remember the clitoris is there - pay attention, Jenkins, this is important! Boobs are terrific fun but be careful with nipples - try tweaking your own if you need a guide. On a first date, don't ask if she takes it up the arse, and if you do make it as far as the bedroom then err on the side of caution as she won't enjoy being slapped across the face with your turgid cock. Questions?"
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:39, Reply)

I found out where mine was from an encyclopaedia

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I haven't found mine yet :(((

( broadsword, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:46, Reply)

This is the funniest thing I've read all day

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:46, Reply)

I found out where hers was from google street view

( djtrialprice, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:47, Reply)

You really are pushing it, sunshine

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:50, Reply)

No joke
Volume 3 of the Joy of Knowledge
cgi.ebay.co.uk/Joy-Of-Knowledge-Volume-3_W0QQitemZ140400442862QQcmdZViewItemQQptZNon_Fiction?hash=item20b084bdee
It still falls open on that page. I have all 40 volumes from the 80s, but I'm not interested in West Germany or CAT scans.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Do I dare click this link on my work computer?

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:52, Reply)

it's only the cover of the encyclopedia
A normal family encyclopaedia from the 80s.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:53, Reply)

Not nsfw.

( girlinthehole, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:54, Reply)

Right you are
"Joy of Knowledge", eh? It is certainly a joy to have a book that confirms my penis is where it's supposed to be. (E.g., not stuck between the pages of a book)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:55, Reply)

18th November 1991
it was a joy
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:56, Reply)

The beginning of a long and happy relationship
between Roota and her clitoris?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Aye
And the start of a Terry Waite meme
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:59, Reply)

I don't get that one.
But then on the 18th of November 1991 I wasn't even aware that my willy was there for making babies, let alone that I'd want to put it in a girl when I got older.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:01, Reply)

Date of his release

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:02, Reply)

Ah, that makes more sense
I can see that would have made me laugh quite uproariously if I'd got it in the first place. I shall have to remember to raise a toast to the anniversary of your own "release" this November.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:05, Reply)

I remember hearing a joke that was current at that time
'The Archbishop of Canterbury looks ill, he's lost Waite'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:06, Reply)

Haha!#

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:07, Reply)

+unless she's Australian
( djtrialprice, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Officelol

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:51, Reply)