That was remarkably analytical for this time on a Thursday
I'll admit I'm in a spectacularly facetious mood today and will happily apologise for any outward displays of penis-ness. The root of it is that my work is really pissing me off and there's nowt else out there that I actually want to do, so am facing up to being unhappy either way. And now my requests for recognition by way of increased responsibilities have been rewarded by the prospect of trying to train one of the most patronising, superior women I've ever met.

Hopefully with the backstory I appear a little less knobby. And I'm glad that on occasion I come across well :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 8:57, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Don't get me wrong, I like it.
It was more a public service announcement.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:00, Reply)

You like my penis?
EDIT: I'm flattered either way
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:03, Reply)

I don't like your penis more than I like any other penis, including my own penis.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:04, Reply)

Perhaps we should compile a list of penises and rate them
Or maybe a website. Ratemypenis.com. I'm sure no-one's thought of that.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:08, Reply)

Aw, it doesn't exist.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:11, Reply)

Seriously?!
There's a ratemypoo.com! How has no-one thought to apply the same principle to penises?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:15, Reply)

I can't work out if you're being deadpan or simple.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:34, Reply)

You're being a bender again, Foxtrot.
Stop it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:18, Reply)

Make me
And that's DARTH Foxtrot to you, Junior
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:20, Reply)

'Make me'
has not helped your 'I'm not being a bender again' case, Foxtrot.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:24, Reply)

On this occasion
at no point have I said I'm not being a bender
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:34, Reply)

Ha fair enough.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:37, Reply)

If you stopped putting smileys in your posts you might look like slightly less of a penis.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:05, Reply)

Is this one of those B3ta taboos that I'm not yet familiar with?
Or has the whole internet decided that smiley's are for tweens and dickheads? Either is entirely possible. I am not a man with my finger on the pulse
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:07, Reply)

Smileys are like lol
Quietly forbidden.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:09, Reply)

Noted
Stopping now. Thanks for the heads up.

(The restraint! Observe the restraint!)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:13, Reply)

quietsly loudly
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:19, Reply)

Do my eyes deceive me
or have you mis-spelt "quietly" beneath the strikethrough?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:23, Reply)

I have. But I've crossed it out, Foxtrot.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:24, Reply)

It's less of a taboo and more that it seems ingratiating, annoying and slightly retarded.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:09, Reply)

The whole internet/world I'm afriad
unless you are younger than 16 and female.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:10, Reply)

You said 'tween' again
What a cock.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:18, Reply)

Greengrocers' apostrophes
are also VERBOTEN.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:21, Reply)

How's your penis?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:08, Reply)

He's at work.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:10, Reply)

How's the kitchen going?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:10, Reply)

Still a building site.
It's being built by the father of a b3tan though, so it's going to rock.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:12, Reply)

Is Kaols dad doing it?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:13, Reply)

Close - Mel's dad.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:14, Reply)

Dressed to the right

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:10, Reply)

If he changed his horrifically ugly face
he would look slightly less of a penis.

But then his girlfriend might leave him. She only sleeps with men she feels superior too. But I'm happy with that as it means I get to have sex with her.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:10, Reply)

Al!
I've missed you. Your one-note humour regarding my repugnant physical appearance is truly the Mourinho to my unrelentingly optimistic Guardiola; technically inferior yet ultimately triumphant
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:12, Reply)

I love it when people properly enter into the spirit of this site.
When I do this with Cave Duck he gets all stroppy
(Bazongaloid, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:13, Reply)

Took me a while but now I think I get it
The turning point was when you said something along the lines of "This doesn't mean we can't be friends, it's just that I'm going to continually point out how ugly you are". For some reason I absolutely pissed myself at that and subsequently have taken the barrage of abuse in much better spirit
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:16, Reply)

I'm surprised your not used to it
I would have thought people would point and shout at you on the street like you're the new John Merrick
(Bazongaloid, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:17, Reply)

*You're
What a cock, al.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:20, Reply)

I was so close, I got one of them right

(Bazongaloid, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:26, Reply)

And that gets you points for effort
And perhaps some sort of glazed treat.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:28, Reply)

glazed spaffed-on
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:57, Reply)

My elephantitis of the genitals is hidden from view of the public by my horribly outdated late-90's Californian Metal Band trousers
I am more commonly compared to famous homosexuals
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:21, Reply)

I fucking love that guy.
Never in the history of all the time I've spent here has anyone so effectively failed to grasp the nuances of trolling.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:17, Reply)

His aura of earthy humour protects him from us naughty internet bullies.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:19, Reply)

Is he the emo one?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:21, Reply)

Yup, 'Lyrics Boy'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:23, Reply)