Apologies, but I'm going to briefly threadjack
Partly to better hide this as I fear l33t stalking skillz, but I have an embarrassing conundrum. And no, it doesn't relate to my cock.

I have a smelly student.

He came to my office yesterday and after he'd gone, the other guys in my office remarked upon his rather overpowering body odour. Clearly it wasn't just me that noticed. His hair is long, lank and greasy, his face gives some insight into what the early Earth looked like during its period of peak volcanic activity, his fingernails are like talons and his clothes seem to shimmer with the grease that fell off his hair after his hair ran out of room for more grease.

As I see it, there are five courses of action available to me.
1. Direct I say something to him. Somebody's got to, as he's clearly degenerated without his mother being present to nag him
2. Indirect I find out who his personal tutor is and raise my concern, asking to remain anonymous. This saves me some personal embarrassment, plus it might be better in the long run for said tutor to know
3. Inaction I say nothing, I do nothing, and just giggle about it with the other guys in my office, possibly setting up a sweepstake on the distance from which we can smell him
4. Direct and unsubtle We arm ourselves with cans of air freshener and douse him with the stuff when he next comes to the office
5. Direct and unhelpful I set him on fire

What should I do?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 5 May 2010, 11:32, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Set up a fake Facebook account
Then create a page declaring that student x is a massive smelly cunt. Simple. He'll either take heed and do something about his personal hygeine, or be so mortified that he kills himself out of shame.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 5 May 2010, 11:35, Reply)

Go for
2 first. If the next time you see him, he still mings, then say something.
(berk, Wed 5 May 2010, 11:35, Reply)

Promise to sleep with him if he cleans himself up.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 5 May 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Only if I can break that promise afterwards

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 5 May 2010, 11:37, Reply)

He might be a hottie underneath the grease

(PsychoChomp, Wed 5 May 2010, 11:39, Reply)

This is true
I've no idea how well he scrubs up...best to keep my options open, I suppose
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 5 May 2010, 11:39, Reply)

Choose 1.
I've had to do this twice with colleagues and employees in the past. It's bloody hard but if you're honest and straight, clinical and clear you might just get away with your nose intact.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 5 May 2010, 11:38, Reply)

But when you came to cornwall
we all refrained from pointing out you smelt like a dead dog in sewer after Tourette's had been out on Curry night
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 5 May 2010, 11:40, Reply)

I'll fucking kill Calvin Klein.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 5 May 2010, 11:41, Reply)

To be fair
the missus doesn't need to have had curry. Her farts are weapons grade anyway; the emissions were banned under the Geneva convention as being inhumane.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 5 May 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I added curry night
for people who hadn't survived witnessed it first hand. Or should that be nose
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 5 May 2010, 11:45, Reply)

A girl at work is horribly anorexic
Her biceps are now much thinner than my wrists. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be helping if I did say something, but it's so sad seeing her in the gym every single day.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 May 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Ask her out to dinner.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 5 May 2010, 12:11, Reply)

Way to spot a cheap date.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 5 May 2010, 12:20, Reply)

number 4
and then for shits and giggles, immediately number 5
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 5 May 2010, 12:13, Reply)

Bloody hell, that much aerosol spray on him,
he'll go up faster than an Essex girl's skirt...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 5 May 2010, 12:17, Reply)

dont be ridiculous
the only thing faster than that is light - and even then its a close race
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 5 May 2010, 12:30, Reply)

If you are serious about this,
Option 2. You may also want to get your pastoral care people involved as he obviously has issues.

Alternatively ask him if he is undertaking some form of social experiment and explain why you think he shouldn't.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 5 May 2010, 12:37, Reply)

hate to be the voice of doom
but definitely say something. It's quite possible that there's something wrong. By the time of university most students have figured out personal hygeine, and if they haven't then it might be a sympton of something more worrying.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 5 May 2010, 12:37, Reply)

Most students, yes
But this is an institution which only teaches science and engineering. You can imagine the sort of people it attracts.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 5 May 2010, 13:01, Reply)