I've just been offered a new job with a substantial enough payrise to allow me to upgrade my lifestyle from "cheese on toast" to "croissant"
and I wanted to share this with, well, bloody everybody.

What beltingly good news have you had lately?

Alt Q - If you threw a menagerie of animals off a cliff, which would make the most entertaining noise as it fell out of earshot? I've got a feeling the sloth's been saving something special for just such an occasion
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:17, 113 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Congratulations!

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Thank you very much honey

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:20, Reply)

Are you going to celebrate?
Of course you are! How?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:23, Reply)

I'm probably going to wait until my first pay packet arrives and spend it on hookers and coke
But tonight I plan to cook Ms Foxtrot a fucking brilliant meal for being supportive throughout the process
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:23, Reply)

That's great!
I love guys like you (unless she's on a diet and you're planning to cook butter with butter)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:25, Reply)

That's very sweet of you
Look at my profile pics. I've got to make an effort to keep her from realising her full man-pulling potential!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I can't at work
But I'll do it at home. I hope you don't put me off my man.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:40, Reply)

I'm more likely to put you off your dinner

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:46, Reply)

You're too like me. *laughs*
We should have a self-depreciation contest when we meet up.
( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:49, Reply)

Congratulations.
Mine's a double voddie.
( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:21, Reply)

Only if you come to InFest
but cheers :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:23, Reply)

I might be able to come for a drinky poo before you go to infest.
We'll see.
( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:24, Reply)

Excellent news
I wouldn't really try to influence you into buying a ticket for a festival you've never been to and probably wouldn't enjoy, but if you do fancy popping over to Bradford to see if I'm as devastatingly masculine in real life as I appear online that would be awesome
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:26, Reply)

I can't possibly go to Infest.
I'll have a cracking tan from my holiday.
( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:34, Reply)

You will unquestionably be regarded as a freak. By goths.

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:37, Reply)

I'm sorry but Infest is something performed on your sister, if you have a speech impediment.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:15, Reply)

Woo congrats!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:21, Reply)

Cheers mate
Notice me not nagging you about InFest. Restraint, you see
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Acknowledged ;)

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:26, Reply)

Congratulations!
I'm most envious. Of course you realise I now expect you to buy Supernatural.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:25, Reply)

DAMN
Should have thought of that! I might well do actually. The more I think about it the more I want to see how it turns out.

Do I remember you mentioning a potentially exciting event on here yesterday?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:28, Reply)

haha it could have gone worse
We had a good laugh but nothing doing. I may have accused him of wanking over pictures of Rio Ferdinand. And he may have almost choked from laughing
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:33, Reply)

That was harsh
You could have picked a footballer who doesn't look like a startled duck
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:34, Reply)

I can't remember
where the particular conversation came from.

Edit: it was Frank Lampard not Rio. No idea where that came from
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:35, Reply)

That's not so bad
Which is oddly disappointing
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:38, Reply)

he said my eyes were too piercing
that he felt like I could see everything about him. :(
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:39, Reply)

To me, that implies he has things to hide
and on the upside, at least he was looking at your eyes
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:40, Reply)

good point that
haha I was wearing a Sex Pistols t-shirt and my tutor told me he liked it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:42, Reply)

I have discovered my foot is not broken.
"Probably" according to the nurse who bound one up this morning. I could have hugged her, but settled for an embarresed thank you instead.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:25, Reply)

I am most jealous
I am almost resigned to my life trapped in this shit, stressful job, with shit pay and worst of all shit banter in the office. One of these job apps are going to come good, I can feel it.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:26, Reply)

I wouldn't say Darth Foxtrot
has great banter in the office. 80's dress days and lime green mankinis sound like hell on earth
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:27, Reply)

You pay far too much attention to my working life ;-)
Also, Finn, keep plugging away mate, something will come up
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:29, Reply)

I just have
a worryingly precise memory for useless things
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:32, Reply)

You'll remember me precisely forever then

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:32, Reply)

I remember
entire paragraphs of books I read thirteen years ago. But I don't remember my phone number, any history dates or anything useful
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Cuntgratulations!
I need to start job applications...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:36, Reply)

You need to get out of bed.

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:55, Reply)

Good news? Little
Alt Q: I don't think there will ever be anything funnier than the sound of a sheep falling off.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:45, Reply)

Baaa_{aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa}
( broadsword, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:52, Reply)

My thoughts exactly
Well done that man *applauds*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Way way back many centuries ago,
Not long after the Bible began
Jacob lived in the land of Canaan,
A fine example of a family man.
Jacob, Jacob and sons,
Depended on farming to earn their keep.
Jacob, Jacob and sons,
Spent all of his days in the fields with sheep.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:56, Reply)

For some reason that's ^ in my head,
I want to share that joy with you all.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Do you get that job in Islington?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Not heard yet,
NHS takes a while to get things going.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:00, Reply)

Waiting lists! Tscha!

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:01, Reply)

The bane of my life at the moment.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:03, Reply)

Good song
Cracking show
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Bumder
Love of musical theatre = glory hole king
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:05, Reply)

I played Potifer in a school production of that.
You're still gay for liking musicals though.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:05, Reply)

a lot of blokes I know like Moulin Rouge
and it's considered the 'acceptable' musical for boys to watcg. IT WAS SHIT!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:13, Reply)

It is totally unacceptable, it waht way could it be acceptable?
Also it is one of the worst films ever made
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:14, Reply)

I don't know, I thought it was dreadful
But it seems common consensus that when their girlfriends make them watch a musical that's the lesser of all the evils.

I like Chicago.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:18, Reply)

The lady made me watch some musicals when we first starting seeing each other
Hairspray was fun, Corpse Bride was a bit meh, as was Sweeney Todd.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:19, Reply)

I loved Sweeney Todd. Fit.
I thought Corpse Bride was a bit dull but I enjoyed the animations, I love Tim Burton's imagination.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:22, Reply)

I thought Tim Burton was getting a bit samey

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:24, Reply)

I saw Alice in Wonderland on the weekend, meh
As we already knew all the caharcters and beasties theer were few surprises, also Jonny Depp was irritating.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:26, Reply)

Jinx
Johnny Depp was irritating in that, it didn't really explain why he went Scottish when he was angry.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:27, Reply)

Agreed
Also I didn't like the design of him.

Alice was cute though I thought
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:31, Reply)

That's what Wiggy said
I think she was bland. And a bit annoying.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:36, Reply)

I hate Alice in Wonderland
It was so boring. I liked the Cheshire Cat for being a dick though, that was entertaining. Other than that it was a snooze fest. I liked Coraline though.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:27, Reply)

I haven't seen Coraline
But it's a Neil Gaiman book, so I might check it out, as I like some of his stuff.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:28, Reply)

It was really good, the animation was beautiful and creepy at the same time
however, it's so not for kids, it was fucking scary!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:30, Reply)

I'll be the judge of that, ya big wussbag!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:31, Reply)

she had buttons for eyes and scary pincer fingers!!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:32, Reply)

So does Psychochomp's mum

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:33, Reply)

ha
it's funny because it's true.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:34, Reply)

This is fantastic:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0Hhh2rQXl8

Written by Neil Gaiman, starring Bill Nighy and Amanda Palmer. What more do you want?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:38, Reply)

I thought Sweeny Todd was shit, however I do hate musicals so it had it's work cut out.

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:24, Reply)

My bezzie was going to be the lead in Le Cage Aux Folles
but the school refused to let them put it on.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:22, Reply)

what's that?
I hated my school drama teacher, she always made us put on musicals so anyone who wanted to do drama had to be able to sing as well, which ruled me firmly out. If I wanted to sing I would have joined the fuckmunching choir.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:23, Reply)

A musical about drag queens
He makes an excellent woman... And he has a beautiful voice. I've got an MP3 of him singing on my iTunes but I can't remember what it's under. Sadface. I want to listen to it and miss him.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:25, Reply)

a lot of blokes you know are gay.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:16, Reply)

I know you.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:18, Reply)

I'm not like your other friends.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:20, Reply)

that sounds creepy

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:22, Reply)

So's your face.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:23, Reply)

so's your mum's face.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:25, Reply)

I can't see your mums face because it's so consistantly obscured by cocks.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:27, Reply)

She does keep chickens.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:28, Reply)

In her vagina
stops teh foxes
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:30, Reply)

surely keeping foxes in her vag
would stop the chickens, not t'other way around. If anything, keeping chickens down there would attract foxes.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:31, Reply)

is this like that riddle where a farmer has a chicken, a fox and bag of grain in you Mums Vagina
A farmer has to get a corn, a chicken, and a fox out of your mum's vagina. The farmer is only able to bring one of the above items along with him at a time. The only problem is if he leaves the fox alone with the chicken, the fox will eat the chicken, and if he leaves the chicken along the corn sack, then the chicken will eat the corn sack. How does the farmer get all 3 items out of your mum's vagina safelysafely
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:33, Reply)

It's like Professor Leyton
but for pervs.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:35, Reply)

Your mum's vagina isn't perverted
It's a beautiful flower of womanhood, albeit one full of farmyard animals and woodland predators.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:38, Reply)

cheese on toast sounds terrible
none
and probably a chicken I guess
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:23, Reply)

Cheese on toast is awesome
brown granary toast, butter, mature cheddar and splah of Worcestshire sauce, NOYOMS!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:25, Reply)

what the hell are noyoms?
I'm all for noms, but noyoms? Do you have a cleft lip?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:26, Reply)

I'm wondering about the splah of Worcestshire

( broadsword, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:27, Reply)

yeah
it sounds like it couldn't even be bothered making a proper entrance into the meal.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:29, Reply)

Give me 2 mins I'll get you some
*gurns*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:29, Reply)

I havea mouth full of cheese on toast, NOYOM NOYOMS

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:28, Reply)

White toast
Mature cheddar, extra hot piri piri sauce. NOM.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:27, Reply)

Mature cheddar yes!
What's the point of mild cheddar? REALLY?!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:40, Reply)

It's for Merkins who are only in it for the fat content

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:44, Reply)

  ♥ ^KRISTINE! ♥

Nowt wrong with cheese on toast, it's a pikey pizza
( broadsword, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:27, Reply)

♥ ^BROADSWORD! ♥
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Cheese and marmite on toast
yesssssss
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:27, Reply)

This
Also - ketchup, slice of ham cheese on top - mini midnight pizza!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:28, Reply)

I agree with this
except tomato puree instead of ketchup.

Cretin.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Not pikey enough
EDIT: COCKWEASEL
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:38, Reply)

My dad used to cook us "pizza toast"
it wasn't until recently that he told us that he'd run out of ideas of what to cook so whacked a load of shit on a piece of bread and grilled it.

I loved it.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Surely this is a choclate spread toastie?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:42, Reply)

And to think there are recipes for it on the interweb nowadays...

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:54, Reply)

i no rite
it's almost like other people came up with the same idea!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:59, Reply)

don't speak the impossible!

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 15:01, Reply)

-faints-
I'm boooooooooored, Amberl.
The shop I want to go to is open til 7. But by the time I'm showered and ready and there it'll be aroudn 4.30. Is it worth it, or should I just go tomorrow and be leisurely about it?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 15:03, Reply)

Go to tomorrow
if three and a half hours is not enough to browse. Better to really enjoy it (and the weather might be better tomorrow)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 15:24, Reply)

Congratulations
Erm...well, the guy who runs the blues jam has asked me to play bass for the house band now for the second week running, which is quite flattering.

And an albatross. Because as it fell it would squawk, then remember it could fly, spread its wings and rise, cackling vengefully, from the abyss before flying vengefully up on high to swoop down vengefully and vengefully peck you in the bum.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:51, Reply)

you are Adrian Mole AICMFP
except less about Scotland and "vengefully" rather than "majestic"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Haha! I haven't read one of those for ages
And spookily enough I was thinking that earlier today - it's amazing how your mind can wander during a seminar. Quite vengefully, in fact.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 15:03, Reply)

SYNCHRONINININITY
Here you go.

I was reciting my favourite childhood poems in my head yesterday. One is spectacularly brutal.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 15:04, Reply)

Thank you.
I'd forgotten how good some of those are.

Ah, OFFICELOLS.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 15:08, Reply)

haha
especially 'of Gardenia Fetherington, the virginal plastic surgeon, at St. Bupa's in Wolverhampton.'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 15:23, Reply)