Alright Off Topic?
Now, I know we've had our differences in the past, you don't like me, and I certainly don't like you, but today I've decided to try and help you.

Today is Thursday, that means there will be a new QOTW, but take a look at your popular page. Go ahead, look now.
That's right, Off Topic, there are FIVE posts on there that have been around for as long as the last Question. Now, I hate to admit it, but you're intelligent people (some more so than others), and you're on b3ta, so all of you must have a sense of humour in there somewhere.
I'm not accusing you of being unfunny again, I'm urging you to click 'I like this' on each other's posts, even if you only like it a little, or it only makes you laugh for a second, just click anyway. It's not a competition, it's not QOTW, here you can click each other's posts without turning each other into smug bastards.

I won't be around much today, but I'll be back later, and I want all of you to have clicked at least ten posts each.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:41, 110 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm not clicking this one
It's rubbish.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:43, Reply)

*click*

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:45, Reply)

Heh!

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:45, Reply)

If your reply doesn't get on the popular page
I'm going to shit in my shoes and rape a duck
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:56, Reply)

You read it here folks!

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:58, Reply)

Bert needs a new pair of shoes and an unsuspecting duck.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:05, Reply)

I clicked
on this.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:55, Reply)

I'll click yours if you click mine.
Quantity, not quality seems to be his point.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:45, Reply)

That's not my point at all, silly
I'm just trying to say that there must be many more, better posts than just the ones on the popular page, but they don't appear there because people forget to click them.
Over the course of a week there must be more than 10-15 clickworthy posts?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:49, Reply)

Some weeks the popular really moves along
and its length can be quite long. I don't click as much as I should, because I'm a miserable git at the moment.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:53, Reply)

I think a nasty man has taken over Bert's identity.
I've put him on ignore until the nice Bert is returned.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:44, Reply)

I'm bloody lovely, me
That post's the nicest thing I've written on here in years, there's no swearing in it or anything
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:47, Reply)

I've got you on ignore so how can I reply to you?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:48, Reply)

Magic beans
Becky's actually got me on ignore though, I miss her, but when she gets a sulk on I just don't stand a chance
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:51, Reply)

sulk wide
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:56, Reply)

Some of your posts are a bit harsh, but the boundaries of humour should always be pressed harder.
Perhaps Gazzing her a picture of your cock with a dunces hat on will put you back in her good books.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:57, Reply)

/OT needs Bert's viciousness - it's an antidote to a lot of shit that goes on here

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:59, Reply)

Like your unfunny jokes?

( girlinthehole, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:07, Reply)

Exactly, someone has to balance my shit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:51, Reply)

It wouldn't be a problem if your faeces just had a lower centre of gravity.

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Never mind the popular page, I'm having a rant
I was in the bank the other day, having walked there in the rain, and had to wait in a queue as usual. Behind me was an old bloke who was whistling.

Now, I've been known to whistle. Quite often in fact. But when I do so, it's at least vaguely musical, with a decent pure tone and a recognisable melody. This geezer though made little breathy whistles, almost under his breath, and I struggled to make out anything of a tune, except for one 2-bar phrase which seemed to be repeated frequently. It was doing my head in.

Finally I got to the head of the queue, and attempted my transaction, only to be told that I needed 2 forms of ID to do this particular thing, and I didn't have enough. So I had to leave and resign myself to a repeat visit the following day. But as I walked out of the door, just behind me the old cunt was right there, still whistling that same little tuneless phrase.

I didn't do anything of course. But I really wished I'd had a referee's whistle in my pocket so I could have blown it right in his annoying old face. Loudly.

Sorry for the lack of any point to this story. I just felt like a rant.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:55, Reply)

Fucking old people, why won't they hurry up and die already?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:57, Reply)

He was probably deaf
And thought he was whistling silently. But it annoyed the hell out of me.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:59, Reply)

4 hours on a train in Spain with an old woman siniging the same 2 bars over and over...
...my minidisc players batteries were dead as well, that's right you young cunts I said mini disc player.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:01, Reply)

Oh, that hurts
I had a minidisc player. In fact I still use my hi-fi MD deck.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:05, Reply)

yeah me too, playlists aren't as engaging as a mixtape/disc somehow

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:12, Reply)

I have an MD player and I'm a whippersnapper.
It was a funky electric blue. I made a Rammstein collection with my first recordable disc. Ahh the memories.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Pfft! I've just had to pay a bill I shouldn't have had to pay to those fuckers Talk talk.
I was going to let them take me to court so I could have my say but then I remembered I'm shit and would probably get a panic attack and fuck it all up.
( girlinthehole, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:59, Reply)

Isn't that why you hire a lawyer?
They can do the difficult stuff for you.

For a cost, of course.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:00, Reply)

The bill to talk talk was probably cheaper than a lawyer.

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:02, Reply)

It's the principle of the thing though.

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:03, Reply)

The principle of the thing
Is to be happy and don't have a headache for months.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:04, Reply)

Too much hassle for the amount of money.
I could afford it but I was going to do it as a matter of principle.
( girlinthehole, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:02, Reply)

Was it a lot of money?
Sometimes it's worth it to just pay in order to get peace of mind.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:01, Reply)

^this

( girlinthehole, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:02, Reply)

NEVER!
Fight the power!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:02, Reply)

I am planning on blowing up Talk Talk head office though.

( girlinthehole, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:04, Reply)

I am now with Talk Talk by default
started with pipex, bought by Tiscali, bought by Talk Talk. Which is annoying as I purposfully avoided them at all costs.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:06, Reply)

I could do the same with Tiscalli
They charged me for 6 months the highest broadband tariff, when we were getting the lowest one. We complained 3 consecutive months and they didn't sort it. Then we tried to stop the contract for another 3 months. It was a nightmare.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:07, Reply)

bastards the lot of them, I might go and live in a cave

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:07, Reply)

Tiscalli are now Talk Talk.
They are complete fucktards.
( girlinthehole, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:08, Reply)

The only reason I managed to finish the contract
was because I moved house to a different section of the city and needed a new phone number, so had to go back to BT for a year again.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:09, Reply)

I find Talk Talk OK
*touches wood*
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:08, Reply)

*cums*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:09, Reply)

They are ok until something goes wrong and then they are absolutely no use whatsoever.

( girlinthehole, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:09, Reply)

But that sums up almost every service we have in this country
I've been waiting almost a month for my car to be returned. Its had three engines in, and the only problem was a diesel pump.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:12, Reply)

Yeah but they really are very very shit with customer service.

( girlinthehole, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:22, Reply)

I'f you blub in court, the judge lets you win.
True fact*

*Not a true fact.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:02, Reply)

Hope you feel better.
I used to think I could whistle, until a chum recorded it and played it back. I don't whistle anymore.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 8:59, Reply)

I do, thanks
I'm not an expert whistler, and try not to do it in public. But at least I can whistle in tune.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:01, Reply)

My bf does that too
The tuneless whistling. I usually don't mind, but it feels terribly bad when we're cycling together, normally because I'm leading, showing him the way, and while I'm pedalling at my most, sweating and barely unable to get enough oxygen in my lungs, he's just behind me, happily whistling.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:00, Reply)

You and your boyfriend get your periods at the same time?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:02, Reply)

I think I don't understand it
I know there is a joke somewhere, but I can't quite get it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:05, Reply)

Cycling together
Menstrual cycles, see?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:06, Reply)

Bingo!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:07, Reply)

I see
I'm not going to click I like this, sorry.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:07, Reply)

Don't worry.
I'm struggling to find the joke too.
( girlinthehole, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:06, Reply)

Come on team i know it's early, but lets sharpen up eh?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:07, Reply)

You talking to yourself?
I know you can do better jokes, don't worry. Maybe you just need a coffee.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:08, Reply)

I have coffee and granola
Fuck yeah!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:10, Reply)

Good for you
I've had some diet cereals and a banana. I managed to lose another half a kilo despite the belgium biscuits and streaky bacon.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:14, Reply)

Well done you, where did you lose it from?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:18, Reply)

I have it all in my legs.
I put all my weight there, so I lose it from there. From waist up I'm a size 8-10; from waist down I'm 14-16.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:21, Reply)

now I'm picturing you as sort of a fleshy Davros
possibly due to my total incomprehension of women's sizes.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 10:06, Reply)

0.5kg = 1 x very satisfying dump

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:22, Reply)

Hahaha!
It could be, as I'm eating a lot of fiber.

However, I always weight myself post-dumping, therefore, it can't be only shit that I'm losing.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:23, Reply)

I'm very hungover,
it's days like these I end up banned.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:27, Reply)

we can but hope

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:28, Reply)

I've been invited to one of those "give me your phone numbers" facebook groups
does anyone want 12 student girls numbers and what looks like a gay guy or he might just be "scene"
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:31, Reply)

I know some nigerians who might be interested

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:32, Reply)

I saw that you were impersonating me last night

(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:34, Reply)

was I?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:40, Reply)

yeah, larry vest was deliberatly confusing you for me or whatever.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:42, Reply)

oh yeah
then he was mean about Kitty. for shame.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:42, Reply)

someone was mean about Kitty?
When? Did I already know about this?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:44, Reply)

don't think so

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:45, Reply)

Link?
I demand justice.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:46, Reply)

It could be either you or applebite,
using girl logic you should be double insulted by that.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:48, Reply)

yeah I think it's probably applebite
because you're not really that mean to me, whereas Applebite and you have proper online fights.

But still, what a jerk.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:50, Reply)

We don't have proper online fights
she just follows me around trying to annoy me.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:51, Reply)

you have spats
like a wish-you-were-married couple.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:53, Reply)

I have no desire to marry applebite.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:54, Reply)

see this is what Larry was talking about
you're so mean to her.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 10:00, Reply)

It's nicer to be honest than get her hopes up.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 10:02, Reply)

it's true
she's probably sobbing into her cider at Donnington right now over her unrequited love for you.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 10:07, Reply)

She'll get over me.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 10:27, Reply)

no an unquenchable
+ and whisk her away to a sensible starter family home in Milton Keynes.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 10:07, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post750540
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:47, Reply)

woah
that's kind of mean. What did I do?

Unless he's talking about Applebite.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:48, Reply)

oh yeah, could be
that'd make sense if he had actually got me and chompy confused

but as I said below. I'm certain he has changed a few of his posts since I replied
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:51, Reply)

I think he was talking about ab

(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:45, Reply)

I'm sure he has changed what he said since I looked at it yesterday

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:48, Reply)

We're in good mood today
So you can be a bit worse than usual.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Guess you didn't give up midweek drinking then.
I want to aggravate you.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:33, Reply)

I've already told you no

(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:35, Reply)

I think that your mere presence
Oft manages to annoy him.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:43, Reply)

it's because I get to play with Applebite and he doesn't.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:55, Reply)

There seems to be some kudos to being banned.
I find this funny. Like everyone at school thinking your hard because you got detention.
( girlinthehole, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:33, Reply)

I've been banned?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:45, Reply)

I got detention once
because my uniform was too slutteh.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Once I got detention for a month
30min every day on my knees, with another 4 friends. We were 10 years old. Another friend said she was super strong and she could lay on the floor and we could walk on her back. We did. Her mum wasn't impressed with the bruising and complained to the nun, who put us on detention without telling our parents.

My mum wasn't impressed with my bruises and the nun got a bollocking.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:52, Reply)

this sounds like the setup for naughty catholic schoolgirl porn.
EDIT: whoops, you said you were 10, so that would make it naughty catholic schoolgirl paedophilia porn.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Even more interesting
I think I might have been younger, as my mum was still helping me with the shower (that's how she found out, I wouldn't have said anything)

A couple of things that happened in that school would make the front page of the Daily Mail today.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 10 Jun 2010, 10:02, Reply)

ann umm
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:39, Reply)

I'm clicking all of Bert's posts.
Because I hate babies.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:53, Reply)

Why do you hate babies?
They smell nice.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 10 Jun 2010, 10:02, Reply)

BUT AT LEAST THREE OF THE POSTS ON THERE ARE MINE!
It's a rare day I get to feel this validated.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I think the popular page is slightly weird
my post about Chompy and roundabouts vanished after a day, and now has come back.
A few others have done that too.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 10:18, Reply)

maybe the mods realised that there weren't enough insults about him on the popular page
so they pulled a few back.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 10:23, Reply)

One day we should get the whole popular page filled with insults.
See how far we can push him.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 10:25, Reply)