I think some cunt's changed the sensitivity of my mouse to "startled bumblebee"
knowing that I'm too much of an IT mong to change it back. Was planning on having a few jars at lunch as well. This is going to severely limit my afternoon productivity.

What badly-timed pranks have you been subject to lately?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:30, 93 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

control panel, mouse, sensitivity
/thread over.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:31, Reply)

Women eh?

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:33, Reply)

sensitivity
Most men are not known for their knowledge of this.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)

balls
you're speaking to the wrong men clearly. Now make me some sodding tea woman. TEAAAAAAA!
( djtrialprice, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:07, Reply)

you may well be right my formerly long haired friend
But you can feck off with your nasty hot drinks, breakfast time in the caribbean means passionfruit juice or the ubiquitous pink rum punch with nutmeg.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:10, Reply)

you're in the caribbean?!
you jammy bitch.

Er, I mean, I hope you're having a lovely holiday!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:12, Reply)

yeah
I have been trying not to mention it, but you know... When sam FINALLY wakes up (last night was a bit raucous in all fairness) it's poolside breakfast then champagne/lobster catamaran cruise.

Although. I always feels v sorry for lobsters, boiling them alive sucks. If I have enough champagne in the sun first I'll probably try and free them...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:16, Reply)

I would love to free a lobster and return him to the sea.
Also, I hate you.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:35, Reply)

i would return the feeling
But it's hard to feel ragey and hatey when you are looking at white sand and turquiose water which you will shortly be sailing over. Peace and love to all, man.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:43, Reply)

I don't know how you manage to get through
each day's legalese without coffee. More power to you, enjoy your drinks. I love tropical smoothies but as I'm not on a beach but rather a cool, air-conditioned Stockholm office I'm going to grab myself a cup of the hot, magic beany stuff.
( djtrialprice, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:19, Reply)

that is what cold fizzy addictive life affirming diet coke (with cherry) is for
Tea/coffee = Wrong
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:21, Reply)

So is that
Diet Cherry Coke? I just want to make this explicit so beckyjsbx can classify you perverted as her b3ta sig is, "Cherry coke: The drink of choice for perverts".

I love Cherry Coke me.
( djtrialprice, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:46, Reply)

yes and my drink is diet cherry coke
Therefore I do not fall within the definition of pervertdom.

Well, not bex's definition anyway.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:49, Reply)

You know as well as anyone it's all about the interpretation
I say you're a diet pervert.
( djtrialprice, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)

i've been accused of worse

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:55, Reply)

Correction
most men aren't especially bothered by it.
( Kroney, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:14, Reply)

true
big difference between not knowing and not caring.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:22, Reply)

"just because i don't care doesn't mean i don't understand"

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:27, Reply)

exactly

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:38, Reply)

he may well be
The greatest philosopher of the 20th century
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Baboon Baboon Baboon!

( djtrialprice, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:53, Reply)

i knew you'd get the reference!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:56, Reply)

Men can be sensitive
But you don't want me to start harping on about gender differences. I have Views.
( Kroney, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

I tried to resist.
But old habits die hard:

lebee andit
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:32, Reply)

STOTD
Well played, sir/madam
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:34, Reply)

Thank you
(And it's "sir," thank you very much - looking a bit like Sigourney Weaver and once being mistaken for one's housemate's girlfriend do not necessarily a madam make!)
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:38, Reply)

POITD
Or, more accurately, POIKCYAWUFN
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:40, Reply)

I HATE ACRONYMS
IHA.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:43, Reply)

LMLP
If you haven't seen Spinal Tap, you won't get this... and we can't be friends
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:52, Reply)

*searches frantically for a way to un-see Spinal Tap*

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:53, Reply)

You'd have to watch it again cos it's so awesome though
and when you did, I'd be waiting. I'd pounce on you like a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, so I would
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:56, Reply)

You're not helping me kick this habit
gblatter m-plundering
Traal Brighton

Yes, I would have to see it again...if nothing else because I don't get the LMLP reference either.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Excellent strikethroughs once again
Lick My Love Pump
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Yeah, thinking about it, I probably should have got that one.

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)

That wasn't a quote as much as a request.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:07, Reply)

My, he's a little forward, isn't he?

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:12, Reply)

No, he's more than a little backward.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:22, Reply)

No thank you.
NTY.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Pictures Or I'll Tentatively Defecate?
Pictures Or I'll Kiss and Caress Your Arse When you're Under the eFfects of Nitrous oxide?

Sorry, no, those are awful, you're going to have to translate.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:45, Reply)

No, they weren't bad considering how much you had to work with
Pictures Or I Keep Calling You A Woman Until Further Notice
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:51, Reply)

I see.
Check the flickr pool for the Todmorden bash, then. Bert reckons I look like Sigourney Weaver. (Which is better than my friend saying I look like a deformed version of Twiggy.)
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Giz a link mate, I'm an internet spaz
Also; in this Flickr pool, are people tagged with actual names? Cos I don't really know who you are
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Have a gander at this one.

Or, indeed, this one. Everyone's tagged by their b3taname.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:56, Reply)

*mopes*
I want to do the bash again but without me being ill this time : (
( girlinthehole, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:59, Reply)

AND ME THERE

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:02, Reply)

And me and Kitty

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

YEAH US!
\m/
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:04, Reply)

Yesyesyes.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

And me remembering to administer the titgrope I was sent to administer
It was an excellent bash nevertheless.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

With me being there, you wouldn't need to
plus you wouldn't be able to get near them, I'd have my head stuffed down them permanently.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:04, Reply)

like a travel pillow

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:04, Reply)

Maybe I can have my face against the sternum, rather than the back of my head this time :(

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

You can stick your face wherever you want love ; )

( girlinthehole, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

That it was
Cockneck was the highlight for me
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

Speaking of highlights
You should do it in highlighter pen next time. Glow-in-the-dark cockneck is surely the next logical step.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:11, Reply)

I vote 3D cockneck with paper mache

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:14, Reply)

the supersoaking that I am in no way still bitter about

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:35, Reply)

I'm bitter about it too
why the fuck are there no pictures on FB?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:36, Reply)

It wasn't a sexy "oh no I'm all wet, whatever shall I do?" kind of thing
it was more like this:

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:44, Reply)

I'm willing to bet that transplanting a wet and bedraggled you into that picture in place of the cat
makes it at least 3% more sexy
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:46, Reply)

nah
the cat is way cuter, it's working the gremlins look.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:47, Reply)

It looks like a be-haired Gremlin
rather than a Mogwai though
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:50, Reply)

I've started photoshopping every single one of my mate's facebook pictures so it looks like his girlfriend is hugging an orangutan

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:36, Reply)

Is your mate Johnny Vegas?
Just trying to get an idea of the scale of the operation being undertaken
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:38, Reply)

Nah he's quite small, it's requiring a lot of attention
sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs176.snc4/38141_448941199257_543609257_6097435_4753526_n.jpg
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:41, Reply)

I have an idea I want to photoshop,
But I'm terrible at photoshop. You're pretty good, if I tell you what it is, would you make it please? You can have 80% of the credit.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:44, Reply)

ok

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:44, Reply)

I bet you a pint it hilariously involves me

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:49, Reply)

He's under no obligation to buy you one if it's not funny
or if it ratehr involves an ASPECT of you.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:50, Reply)

yeah whatever wannabe lawyer.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:52, Reply)

I've just realised a fatal, FATAL flaw in the plan.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)

I've just realised I don't, DON'T care.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:12, Reply)

I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW HOW LITTLE I CARE!
LOOK AT ME, NOT CARING! LOOK! LOOOOOOOK!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:15, Reply)

fuck off, bad mood.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

are you calling me a bad mood
or are you informing me of your state of mind?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:46, Reply)

hahaha I'd forgotten about this

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:45, Reply)

mindpiss, though I imagine you can remember

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:46, Reply)

Damnit I';ve forgotton what this was

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:45, Reply)

That is fantastic

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:45, Reply)

I've got about 10 now, I'm going to post a new one every day.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Can you post them here too?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:51, Reply)

Do it so the girlfriend is the orangutan
and see how long you can stay friends - kind of like a photoshop version of 'rodeo sex'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

being told I'm chompy
and my friend Reevesy taking all my shoelaces out of all my shoes on Saturday.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:57, Reply)

this is a grand idea

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:26, Reply)

the only prank I have been subject to was when I slept with an acquaintences ex
a couple nights later I came out to find a cracked windshield and the side of my car had been blasted with paintballs.
Oh and the drivers mirror was hanging off.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:25, Reply)

That's one WACKY prank!1!1!!!11

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:27, Reply)

yeah, well, it actually was because when I got really close it turned out the windshield was a sticker as was the paintball marks
and what was dangling from my mirror was a fake rat
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

I stand by my comment.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:32, Reply)

FAIR ENOUGH

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:33, Reply)

that's so far from funny
I would have mown them down Christine style.

EDIT: I mean the possessed car which starred in Stephen King's book Christine, not just 'you style'.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

yeah, it actually wasn't her, and it really was a prank because it all could be removed, it just happened right after and I thought it was her but it wasn't
it was some girls from work
they were gangstah
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:33, Reply)

so it was like a sticker of a crack down the window?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 14:19, Reply)

This doesn't deserve its own thread
and is perhaps old hat to you lot, but this cracked me up:
web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/Porno_burger_van_busted

(Credit to PurpleDoris)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 13:32, Reply)