I saw a Cantonese women once, true story, it was the summer of '97.
I remember 'cus that was a real hot year, I had just been out the back picking apples for Miss Pop's to bake into the gosh darn greatest apple pie I ever did see. You see, mister Hendison next door done had himself a mishap, he was out back painting the chicken coop when he had a trip or fall. It was compensation he required, so he rang up the best lawyer in the whole of greater Barnet, and oh boy, he got the best. The layer gone done and said a technical statement how his ladder wasn't fit for painting chicken coops, dispite the advertisment making wildchild claims about how it was the best ladder for painting chicken coops that money could buy. Well, Mister Hendison went to court over the issue, and you know what? He won that case, but that sure as hell didn't fix his broken leg. Misses Pops felt sorry for the fella, and I knew he always had an eye on her. I said "Don't go be making him them pies, them pies be the best pies I ever did taste, made me the happiest man the whole of greater london, if at least north of the thames and for a moment or soo", why, I didn't know that Misses Pops had a thing for old Mister Hendison myself, and oh boy, did she retaliate, she said "Now now Mister Pops, I gone done make him a pie, and there ain't be a thing you can do about, don't be goin' on with one of your crazy stories." so I said "Ahh Jee". Well, what could I do? Truth be told, she was the one who wore the trousers in this family, and that's just the way I liked it. Anyway, she gone done made the pie, and ahh shucks, that pie sure did smell sweet. She turned to me, and she said "You go and deliver this pie now, and go make your peace, prehaps he might even give you a slice, if just to try it." I laughed, I did, and I took the pie over. I knocked on the door twice, he said "Why Pops ! Come on in, is that a lovely apple pie your misses did done make me?", well, I'll tell you for nothing that I went on over and cut us both a slice. It was then I heard the scream, a guy like me ain't ever heard a scream like that, not even at the moving picture show, I was shocked to say the least. I said to old Mister Hendison "What in god blasses was that?", you'll have to excuse the blasformy there, but I was quite perturbed. He said to me, "That's miss Lang, I got her locked up in the basement, she's all tied up, you can have a go if you wish". So, I went down I did, and I saw here there, it was as clear as day, a Cantonese women (they're from the far east doncha' know, few miles out from croydon). I laughed to myself, and I said to Mister hendison "Hay, Mister Hendison, did you know there is a Cantonese women from the far east locked up in your basement, she sure does look in a bad way, there be blood on the floor", and sure as day, he said to me "Hell yeah', that's my women, gone done bought her from the polish folk". I laughed to myself and went back up stairs, that Mister Hendison sure is a strange bloke. We shared the apple pie and I went home to Miss's Pops, she asked me how the pie was, and I told her, clear as day, it was gone darn the nicest darnest thing I ever did try. To tell a short story long, I neglected to tell her the detail about the cantonese women.

Heh, I wonder what ever did happen to her?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:37, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

shut up gonzo

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:39, Reply)

=(
Right, if someone speaks, you start on a new line....

- "Hello", james said, "how are you?", he had a gun in his hand and he was ready to kill
- "Hello, how are you?" james said with a gun in his hand, ready to kill.

That's fine. But what about if you want to say

- and then James said "Hello", as he pointed the gun in his hand ready to kill.

How does that last one work, what's the rules about paragrpahs with speach?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:49, Reply)

Gonz, that must have taken ages to type out.
Do you think anyone will read it?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:39, Reply)

I like to think that someone will, somewhere.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:50, Reply)

That's the spirit. Chin up and don't stop believing, as the cast of Glee would say.
Is there any pie left by the way?
(Cave Duck, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:57, Reply)

Ah gee ah shucks son, you don' wanna be eatin' no pie from '97 !
Even if it was the gosh darn greatest pie I ever did lay my eyes on.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 18:04, Reply)

Sorry gonz
I usually love your tales. But that really is the definition of tl:dr.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:41, Reply)

you're missing out
it's a beautiful, meandering tale of lost love and romance. I'd say it's at least on a par with Catcher in the Rye
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:45, Reply)

summarise
?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:51, Reply)

man sees cantonese girl
cantonese girl may be there to see mr henderson
cantonese girl is there to see mr henderson.

I found it quite moving
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:52, Reply)

beautiful

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:55, Reply)

ask Gonz if you can play the female protagonist
this thing has movie script written all over it
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:56, Reply)

not sure I'd pass for cantonese
it's a shame, it sounds like a classic
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:57, Reply)

the wonders of make up these days will transform you
like Sean Connery in that Bond film.

The whole sub plot with the pie will keep them rolling in, I reckon it'll easily do £100,000,000 in its opening weekend
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:59, Reply)

Just don't let those Hollywood mogul types get their hands on it.
They'll want Tom Cruise to play the part of the pie, introduce a charming but wicked rival for Miss Pops' affections (played by somebody British) and have car chases and stuff (with the Cantonese girl being involved in the Tri-ads). The simple shining beauty of the story will be lost.
(Cave Duck, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 18:13, Reply)

I sometimes find reading hard too =(

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:50, Reply)

my eyes hurt.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:44, Reply)

But your mind is inthralled by such a story?
Which kindda makes up for it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:50, Reply)

It's a fair trade-off, Gonz.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 17:52, Reply)