I would quite like a pill that instantly removes the alcohol from your body
so you can go out and get pissed, then take the pill and drive home and go to sleep without microwaving two Chicago Town pizzas and sandwiching them together with bacon in the middle and then wake up the next morning feeling refreshed.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:16, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Aww
Now I have to make the pizza-bacon sandwich.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:19, Reply)

I would if I could
I'm so hungry.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:22, Reply)

I'll have to wait until I can get to Tesco
No mo' bacon at home :(
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:24, Reply)

I'll have to wait
until I lose 13kg. It's not happening any time soon, I think.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:26, Reply)

a home without bacon is not a proper home

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I finished it up last night

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Now I want an embroidered pillow
that says Home Sweet Bacon on it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:34, Reply)

I would buy one of these if I had any money
However I have just spent £150 I don't have on an original Modern Toss sketch so won't be buying anything for a while.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Will it smell of bacon too?

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)

IMPORTANT QUESTION
Marco Pierre White claims the best (literally the best) way to cook bacon is in the microwave. Now he's cooked a few things in his time and normally I would trust him implicity but SURELY this is bollocks?

Has anyone tried it?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Don't do it,
smells so strongly of urine you wont want to eat it.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:31, Reply)

If you've got a bacon stand
and like it crispy, he's right!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:32, Reply)

if you don't have a bacon stand it is fucking foul
goes really limp and looks terribly unappetising

Marco Pierre White is a wanker.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:34, Reply)

My parents gave me a dead posh microwave
that had all these different tray things with it and a book on how to make stuff and it claimed that you could make entire roast dinners in there and cakes and stuff, but I never dared try it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)

I got a similar one off my parents
when they decided they wanted a smaller one.

It is the business for defrosting sausages, but that's about the only feature I've used other than basic microwaving
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)

You talk like grandparents
who've just received a cool mobile phone and use it only for calls.

Go on! Try!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:57, Reply)

why, when I have a good oven
and I know how to use it.

I wouldn't want to waste a load of food (and money) trying out something that might not work.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)

I thought that about steaming and microwaved poached eggs
And I regret I didn't start doing it earlier.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 11:19, Reply)

microwaved poached eggs are fucking awful!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Frying bacon is the only way

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:33, Reply)

it's actually really quite good if you cook it in the oven
only streaky though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)

I quite like it grilled
if I'm hungover, the greasiness makes me feel a bit queasy
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Grilling all the way
I like it proper crispy.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:42, Reply)

if it doesn't shatter when you poke it with a fork
then it's not cooked
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Aw man I hate glass bacon

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Likewise.
I cook my bacon for a short time, until the fat's melted a bit, but that's all. Making it crispy is just a waste.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:47, Reply)

hear hear
You can really taste the flavour and the juiciness if you don't burn it
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Burnt food, in general
Is awful. Some people seem to like it, but not me.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Who wants rock hard toast?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)

I don't burn it
but having it good and crispy unleashes the full bacon flavour
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)

^^This
Lightly done toast, with grilled cheese on one of the slices, crispy bacon, fresh lettuce, chili sauce. NOM.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)

I don't contaminate bacon with salads or sauces!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Rreally? That's mental
I'll check with Wiggy, he proper worships Marco Pierre White, even though I think he's a bit of a douchebag.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:34, Reply)

He is an utter spastic (not Wiggy)
but a 3 x Michelin-starred one...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:38, Reply)

and he trained Gordon Ramsay
in the Ways of the Prick
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Tried it. Would not try again.
Also tried poaching eggs in the microwave. That took some cleaning up.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)

eggs should not be put in the microwave

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Unless you have drawn the faces of your enemies on
and you cackle manically as they explode one by one
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I had overlooked that aspect
I tend to prefer caving their heads in manually with a spoon
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)

I have learned this. The difficult way.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)

I like your post-pub receipe
Last night was 4 pints of Aspalls followed by a bottle of Greneche. I then decided to cook a plate full of lamb chops. Urrghhh.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 10:21, Reply)