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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I can't help but think of my life as a narrative
I know it's not, but it's unavoidable. By the rules of narrative, therefore I should get this job I've not even applied for yet. It just makes more sense in the story

q: What character are you and what kind of film is it?
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:49, 97 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
definitely Jack Black
In Nacho Libre, an underdog comedy where it all comes good in the end.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:54, Reply)
so what's your wrestling name?

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:54, Reply)
El Flabino
my special move is the arse plant.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:58, Reply)
a plant made of arses?
a bouquet of them would be a bunch of arse
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:12, Reply)
I'm the fat kid from Superbad
I've never seen Superbad but after it came out I got 'recognised' a couple of times. People thought I was joking when I said I wasn't in that film :(
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:56, Reply)
freebies dude freebies!!

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:58, Reply)
I don't know what you're saying to me now

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:59, Reply)
if you look like him
pretend your him and blag freebies.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:06, Reply)
Currently I am Robin Askwith's character in Confessions of a window cleaner.
This is because I am watching the antics at the brothel across the road through my office window.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:56, Reply)
i hope you take photos
just in case you need to bribe a local mp
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:58, Reply)
I like this idea.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:58, Reply)
Manhattan socialite
desperately hiding her humble beginnings.
Lives alone with her cat and spends most of her time avoiding disappointing men she's dated and being vaguely connected to the criminal underworld.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:09, Reply)
have you got a lot of shoes?
do you drink cocktails?

Why don't I have a cocktail right now?
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:13, Reply)
I've owned more cocktails than shoes in my time

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:14, Reply)
I'm glad to hear it
shoes are boring
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:14, Reply)
Mostly they are, yup

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:15, Reply)
cocktails, I would argue
are the opposite. Exciting especially when you don't know what's in them. The best are homemade ones where you have to ask about allergies and vegetarianism before letting people drink it
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:17, Reply)
Oh man, come round to my house now
Bring colourful things
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:19, Reply)
a simple one (and colourful) is skittlebrau.
Get bottle of vodka,
Put in a packed of skittles,
Wait a week,
Taste the rainbow
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:21, Reply)
Fucking hell

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:22, Reply)
works with chocolate eclairs
and butterscotch sweets, but skittlebrau is more of a killer
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:23, Reply)
Butterfuckingscotch

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:24, Reply)
this makes me realise
I'm too late to make some for the event this weekend :(
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:29, Reply)
isn't skittlebrau from the simpsons or something?

(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:25, Reply)
don't know
as far as I know it's a larper thing - larpers make the best concoctions of barely drinkable alcohol. See also Home Made Mead (usually tastes of bees and mud)
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:26, Reply)
LIES
sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/hs084.ash2/37516_1338122506184_1624770155_935231_3132278_n.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:19, Reply)
They look like someone smashed up a travelling funfair

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:21, Reply)
That will be my new look

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:23, Reply)
They look like shoes
It's not like hats, hats are cool
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:22, Reply)
And
flowers in your hair?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:25, Reply)
awww
sweet, is that you?
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:26, Reply)
She looks soooo innocent

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:28, Reply)
The Catholic Church had newly washed away my sins.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:34, Reply)
no flowers, but possibly the last time I wore a bikini
up2.it/ali/littleali1.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:30, Reply)
Awwww!

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:34, Reply)
She looks minxy

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:35, Reply)
That's my new hair inspiration I reckon!
Not the colour though :D
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:37, Reply)
haha
I'm pretty sure it was just hair hacked at by my dad with scissors and a helping of sand and sea.
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:39, Reply)
they'd look good for fighting crime in
and flying an invisible aeroplane
(Bret Mong Keys Eggs has wet his weapon, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:25, Reply)
They are quite comic book.
Very comfy too.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:26, Reply)
I think we disagree on the meaning of comfy
I have off-roading sandles
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:27, Reply)
I have DMs.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:37, Reply)
I got married in
shiny dark red ones :)
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:43, Reply)
You are the most amazing person ever.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:45, Reply)
it's odd what you get respect for

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:52, Reply)
DMs are great. I like anyone who wears them.
Almost everyone.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:54, Reply)
I'm the MD of the company you know.
And my bed is in the shape of a massive 18-holer.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:56, Reply)
You liked Lampito's 18-hole a while back
Eh, Craig?
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:56, Reply)
:(

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:57, Reply)
I did.
I never knew she owned her own golf course.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:57, Reply)
I'm in a mental hospital and all of this is an opium dream.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:16, Reply)
*morphes into a purple dragon with a spliff*
NONSENSE MORTAL!
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:41, Reply)
I'm a multi-talented pilot, medic and polar explorer
in a big budget fantasy of my own making.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:16, Reply)
Where is the Modgazzer General when I need him :(

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:20, Reply)
You don't need him.

(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:21, Reply)
Oh, I do...

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:22, Reply)
Come now.
We'll fly to an exotic location, get married, and then have an anullment. Noone need ever know.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:29, Reply)
Where do you suggest?
Malmo?
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:30, Reply)
Birkenhead.

(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:31, Reply)
Kirkdale

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:32, Reply)
Sounds like fun.

(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:36, Reply)
You're better when you're yourself
Turn you back on crime. Become a noble man like the Modgazzer.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:38, Reply)
Isn't Modgazzer in Cambridge?
He need never know... my last wife certainly fucking didn't. Well, not at first.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:43, Reply)
Haha he is
Where are you these days, Craigypops?
Maybe you've just got out of Ashworth and you're in Maghull.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:46, Reply)
I'm in a wibbly-wobbly world of my own most of the time.
That's mainly the medication though.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:47, Reply)
Wibbly-wobbly
Like that poor lad's hand since you mangled his bones.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:52, Reply)
I only shook it.
It's not my fault he thought I was a professionally trained medic.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:54, Reply)
His basement.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:35, Reply)
I don't have a basement,
However, for you I'd invent one.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:36, Reply)
Lie with me baby, lie with me.
with to
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:38, Reply)
I'm South London's Ferris Bueller
All my old teachers called me Ferris so I think it fits. The film would follow me about as I wind people up and avoid doing anything of any substance.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:17, Reply)
How's things with you and the dog?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:20, Reply)
The arsehole is fine now
I'm round my aunts watching Steven annoy the hell out of her. Karma.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:22, Reply)
Swap them and you take Steven out tomorrow

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:23, Reply)
No it's about half a foot high.
I look gay enough as it is.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:58, Reply)
stoner in a band
I'm only a bit part who crops up every now and then to provide comic relief to the angsty lead.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:50, Reply)
Have you ever burnt your bears?
BEARD*
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:56, Reply)
funnily enough, no
I've almost burnt it on several occasions.

I've managed to burn the hair at my hairline smoking a spliff in a car when the end flew off and landed on my head.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 19:00, Reply)
I thought it was a reference to his band. For some reason.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 19:01, Reply)
Hhaha 'Vipros and the Bears'

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 19:02, Reply)
that would be a better name than our current one
it's too late to change though :-(
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 19:02, Reply)
Are you the frontman?

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 19:09, Reply)
I heard he's more of a back man.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 5 Aug 2010, 19:17, Reply)
lead guitar.
I can't sing
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 9:08, Reply)
My band name
is the best ever. Men from Delmonté. Now all I need is a band.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 19:20, Reply)
perhaps you encourage the lead
character to do some drugs and that's where the adventure starts
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:57, Reply)
that sounds like the sort of thing I would do

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 18:59, Reply)
Massive drugs?

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 19:05, Reply)
I expect the soundtrack would be excellent

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 19:08, Reply)
The soundtrack to my life
would be "When you're in love with a beautiful woman" constantly on loop.

And "Doctor, Doctor" by the Thompson Twins.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 19:11, Reply)
is the the one that goes "Doctor, doctor please, oh the mess I'm in"
if so, it's a great tune
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 9:07, Reply)
A curmudgeon, in just about any kind of film except a rom-com.
Talking of films, the BBC are coming in to my workplace next week to film part of a science programme. How ace is that?
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 19:21, Reply)
are you an exhibit?

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 19:23, Reply)
Give me a break, I'm not THAT ugly.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 19:29, Reply)
but you
are a medical curiosity?
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 19:29, Reply)
Aye, till now it's been thought no single body can contain so much sheer brilliance.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 19:31, Reply)
well played, Crow

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 19:35, Reply)

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