Well, it's another day at home...
My wife, the incomparable Flim Flam the Magnificent valiantly tried to end it all yesterday by hurling herself down the escalator at the tube station. And now, I am a home carer. Well, for today and yesterday, anyway.

Question - what sports do you like playing? Are you totally rubbish, or did you once have a trial at West 'Am?

EDIT: Sorry, Roger.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:14, 99 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Surfing, obviously
but I used to play hockey for a local team for a while.

I'm so shit at football it's unbelievable. I can tackle and make half decent crosses, but that is the total of my ability. Not very useful when I can't dribble, control the ball, shoot or defend.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:16, Reply)

Is surfing a sport?
EDIT: I suppose it does fall in the watersports category. I more think of it as a pasttime. I wouldn't call skateboarding a sport either.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:20, Reply)

is that a serious question?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:20, Reply)

it was
I just don't think of it like other sports, I'm not sure why now that I think about it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:21, Reply)

depends on how you define sport I suppose
it falls under the category of watersports, which leads me to think of it as a sport.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:23, Reply)

yeah you're right
I just don't think of stuff like surfing, diving, sailing, etc., as sports. Probably because the word sport leads me to feelings of hatred and annoyance because it's synonymous with football.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:31, Reply)

that's understandable

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:32, Reply)

It's a sport if it requires a degree of athleticism
so you could argue snooker, cricket, darts, pool, are games

surfing, footie, rugby etc are sports.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:53, Reply)

if you read the first bit of the wikipedia entry about sport
then only organised, competitive things are sports.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:58, Reply)

I'll have a ganders. I do like my description though.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 10:06, Reply)

Do you seriously believe that cricket does not require a degree of athleticism?

(Cave Duck, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Anyone who thinks that has clearly never played the game,

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 11 Aug 2010, 11:09, Reply)

I'd really like to try surfing.
I play footy every Tuesday. I'm by far the worst that plays, but it is fun. Like you, I can tackle and cross, but my finishing is shit...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:23, Reply)

surfing is the fucking business
it's knackering as fuck, but so rewarding
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:24, Reply)

Awe man.
I need a car, or to live by the sea...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:27, Reply)

Bit like your sex life then
BADUM TISH!

OH YEAH I WENT THERE!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:25, Reply)

O NO HE DIDN'T!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:27, Reply)

I can tackle and make half decent crosses, but that is the total of my ability. Not very useful when I can't dribble, control the ball, shoot or defend.
You are David Beckham AICMFP.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Can you do a Subject Access Request to the london underground for the security video?
It'll only cost you a tenner and you can put it on youtube.
It would be well lol.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:16, Reply)

I've already ordered the popcorn and told her she should do that
She might be a bit fragile yet. We'll try again next week.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:19, Reply)

I fear falling down an escalator
it's like stairs that are really fucking sharp.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:22, Reply)

They do look nasty, and some of the scrapes Flim has do look painful...

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Is it just scrapes?
All her bones in the right place?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:32, Reply)

Yeah, she got very, very lucky.
But some very heavy bruising and restricted movement.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:34, Reply)

Go down the chemists and get some Arnica cream
it'll reduce some of the bruising.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:37, Reply)

thank you! I've been trying to remember what that stuff was called for ages
to try and stop my whingey pole students.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:39, Reply)

plus, the worst wound of all
PRIDE
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:32, Reply)

She gave that up with 2 little words
"I do"
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Maybe when she leaves me?
At the moment I like my genitals where they are, that is to say, attached to my body.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:24, Reply)

Well tell her to get well soon but that I think she's no fun.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:28, Reply)

Alright, alright, I'll get the damn video... :)

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Oh man, that's how Diana started
Remember? She was pregnant with Harry Hewitt and they were all looking at Fergie and going "Mmm, love your freckles" and that, and Diana couldn't cope, so she flung herself down the stairs and landed at Philip's feet.

Tell FFTM that she's in r harts.

Sorry JohnTheStarfish)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:17, Reply)

If FFTM turns out to be bulimic we're *never* going to Paris.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:25, Reply)

Innit

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:32, Reply)

argh! Too many threads
*has an spaz*

Sports suck donkey cock. Every single one of them.
/female stereotype

No wait, maybe ice hockey is ok. Oh and Formula 1 used to be cool without all the fricking politics.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:20, Reply)

I attempted to play football in high school.
That was a losing option. I was ok at racketball, and not bad at tennis. Now, I'm just a lolfatty (is that the right phrase?). I work with software, go home, eat dinner.

Hope your wife gets well soon.
(nolongernuts, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:20, Reply)

When you say football, do you mean rugby with pads that has to stop every 10 seconds?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:21, Reply)

I find it best to think of American football like a war
it helps make it more enjoyable.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:23, Reply)

A pointless war
with frequent stops for hot dogs and coke.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:24, Reply)

And way too much lycra.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:25, Reply)

the best kind of war

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:26, Reply)

What, with lots of big men in Lycra and shiny helmets?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:28, Reply)

I don't understand why you need to ask the question

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Oh boy
tell your wife I hope she gets better soon and if she needs a bed bath I'm just a phone call away.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:24, Reply)

*dresses as FFTM*
"oh al, I need a bath..."
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:26, Reply)

*Dons nurses uniform*
Hmmmm, Flim Flam, you seem to have let yourself go a bit.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Yes, I seem to have grown a cock and balls.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:30, Reply)

but only a mini version...
bit like a tribute to a real set...
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:59, Reply)

Shut up Bert

(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Sorry Ernie

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 10:12, Reply)

I play snooker every tuesday
I'm ok, but I get better as I get drunker. Hence I usually have a hangover every wednesday. Like wot I have now.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Sorry, I said 'sport' not 'pub game'
I actually quite like snooker
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:31, Reply)

In that case
no, I don't play any sport.

I used to fence (swords and wotnot), but I hurt my knee so I stopped. That and fencing is a bit boring.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:34, Reply)

What, swords are boring?
Surely a man who is bored by swords is bored by life?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:35, Reply)

Fencing is the only thing I have ever seen that makes swords look gay.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:35, Reply)

Aaaand, back to the Lycra argument.
P'raps there should be a 'broadsword fencing'...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:36, Reply)

With Breasts?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:37, Reply)

What's gay about wearing tight fitting clothing and a mask?
apart from everything
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:38, Reply)

tell that to BATMAN!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:40, Reply)

"Holy Homo-eroticism Batman, we look like a right pair of benders!"

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:43, Reply)

fencing is brilliant and you don't just dick around with epee's etc theres all sorts you can do!
I LOVE FENCING!!!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Oh, that wasn't particularly bright of her, was it?
Hope she's alright.

Alt Q: I used to play cricket, and was captain of the U15s for one season. Apart from that, I used to enjoy a kickabout with mates, and loved rugby when I was younger, but got bored of it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Ah, another cricketist!
Cricket is Win. I don't play any more though, too nervous to join the local club, and all my friends think it's boring... :(
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:32, Reply)

I agree with all your friends.
ALL OF THEM
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:34, Reply)

They are ALL WRONG

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:35, Reply)

^^This
Also, the cricket ground where I used to play is next to a pub, so whenever I'm up there on a nice day, I'll go up, get a pint, and sit watching the 1st XI or whoever is playing.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Your friends and I say otherwise

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:39, Reply)

same here
cricket is shit. really shit.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Having just separated from my ex earlier this year
I have my kids 50% of the time, which means that every other weekend I'm now completely free. I joined a local cricket club, and I'm having a great time.

I used to play 3-4 times a week when I was in my teens, but have only played maybe once a year since then. But this year I've played maybe a dozen times. It's been great! I definitely recommend it. The dressing room banter is hilarious as well.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 11 Aug 2010, 10:01, Reply)

I bet you love playing with U15s

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:33, Reply)

Well, when i was 15, yes, it was fun to play cricket with them
What else could you mean?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:36, Reply)

nothing, that's exactly what I meant.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:40, Reply)

Good, just making sure we're singing from the same hymn sheet
*runs*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:50, Reply)

all our ducks are indeed in a row

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:52, Reply)

I've got you on my radar

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:55, Reply)

football, utter shite at it
Hockey, pretty good
Fencing, above average
XBOX - expert
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:46, Reply)

I used to play rugby
position of choice was hooker (fnar, fnar) but I gave it up because I was fed up of spending 3 nights in 7 pisswet through and freezing cold being shouted at.
I'm not bad at tennis but in the last year have completely failed to have either the time or money to go, and I don't have anybody to practise with.
(berk, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Quite a few sports
Basketball - played once a week for maybe the last 15 years
Five a side footie - played once or twice a week for about 20 years
Cricket - played loads when I was a kid, now taken it back up again.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 11 Aug 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Listen, DiT, I donno what FFtM's motive was when she threw herself down the escialtors intentionlly, none at all.
But I know if it was me, all I would be thinking as I crash down the place is about the cash involved. This sort of thing can be worth quite a few bob these days, You've Been Frame will give you £250, you can get one of those kits with the new xbox and that camera thinggy for that. Totally worth it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 10:12, Reply)

You're preaching to he converted...
I'm wondering if I can sue TfL to the tune of a 3D telly.

(I'm not, really)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 10:18, Reply)

It's so much better than simply beating your own wife yourself, it's a good thing the Jermy Kyle audition'ees don't catch onto this one.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 10:36, Reply)

But on a more humbling and serious note.
3D Telivision will still take a long time to be adopted, same as what happened with HD, you're looking at a good few years turn around. If it follows the same model as HD, which it should do, a £3500* 3D telly, or should I say "3D Ready" (remember that one?) telly won't be worth fuck all in 3 years time, when the technology is properly adopted. Sky, like with HD, have a 'demo 3D' channel, and maybe at christmas they'll do a 3D movie channel for the season; but it is to early to buy now, it could end up the big HD-DVD/Betamax of this decade, what with different glasses technologies involved, at £99 a pare, it's rediculous, compared to a freebie green/red from the back of a box of serial, that'll do the job almost just as well.

However, if you simply _must_ be ahead of the curve on this one, and wanna take the risk, get a PS3 as a blueray player, instead of a dedicated one, it'll do all the 3D stuff now (once the Bluerays come out), cost the same, and let you do gaming too.

I'm sorry to be the barer of bad news, esspechally now she's already "thrown herself down the stair-well", but you'd be better off spending the cash elsewhere for now.

Oh, and the 3D 'demo' channel is like £10/month =S You could get a Sky HD-1TB box though, they look quite tastey.


* In layman's term, falling from about half way down the esculators on a 1/4 busy day so nobody stops you bumping.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Sorry about the missus.
Sports? Don't be fucking stupid.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 10:26, Reply)