After having no phone because Vodafone are cunts
and arguing with them for about a week with no luck, my aunt spoke to them for all of two minutes and got a hundred quid dropped off my bill. She is ace and I am doing cartwheels round the house.

Which member of your family is ace?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 13:57, 120 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

me. I'm the best one.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Oh, I was going to write exactly that.

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:23, Reply)

I was waiting for someone to go
'your family must be shit then'
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:25, Reply)

If you're as much as me as it seems we are
You must be brilliant.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)

I didn't want to mock you being a orphan

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Hah!

( Kroney, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:42, Reply)

I don't know how some people can do this
My mum is great at complaining as is my sister. I on the other hand am rubbish and just get cross and shouty.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 13:59, Reply)

I'm so rubbish
I'll get all worked up about something, so I'll make a phone call and they'll go "sorry, that's just the way it is" and I'll go "Oh ok, thanks for your time". Then I'll come off the phone and get all angry again.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 13:59, Reply)

I'm currently engaging in an exchange of letters with the manager of a Ford Dealership
trying to get some money for wasting my time. I like writing letters, I can be all reasonable and cutting in letters, but not in person.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:01, Reply)

I do the same
But then I call Mark to talk with them and he sorts it out for me.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:23, Reply)

I'm shit at complaining and at haggling as well
there should be a service that does it for us
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:01, Reply)

They'd just extort you though
Knowing you wouldn't be able to complain about them.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:05, Reply)

I'll do it
I always get what I want
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:06, Reply)

They'll be powerless to your small voice

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:06, Reply)

this is true

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:10, Reply)

as long as that bastard
Omid Dhjalili has nothing to do with it. That advert makes me want to hit the telly.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:06, Reply)

it's still the funniest thing he's ever done

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:10, Reply)

I quite like him
I watched The Mummy again for the 27th time the other day. I really don't know why I can't just turn that film off.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:26, Reply)

Because you're thinking of me
me Brendan Fraser
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:27, Reply)

hmmmm
I can kind of see it, I think.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:33, Reply)

h
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:34, Reply)

She's Irish?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:38, Reply)

The 'h' in the subject

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Yes I know that
I was making a joke. You really don't like your kneecaps do you. CLendrix is going to be really mad when she gets back.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:43, Reply)

two shit jokes on one thread eh Al?
slipping......
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:51, Reply)

Oh she'll be mad alright
When I show her this
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:59, Reply)

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:01, Reply)

I'll get you for this, you stole my idea!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:02, Reply)

Now I've got a template
Ho ho ho
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Ha!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)

Minus points for not matching the colours to your post
And for leaving a little white border at the bottom.
Minus extra points for having not already gaz'd the evidence to her...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:10, Reply)

Plus you saved it as a JPG
I can see the blurring/distortion.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:10, Reply)

So what
it's still clear from the evidence that you were being rude about her.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:12, Reply)

I find those adverts annoying, but I think he's quite funny

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:10, Reply)

his whole act is, I'm posh and English to I'm shouty and Iranian
just not funny at all. He is no Reginald D. Hunter, that man can do racial comedy and be funny not stereotypical.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:12, Reply)

But your whole act is actually being Bert
but pretending to be an actual person, which is also not funny.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:16, Reply)

^ you horrible cunt lol
bert chompy
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)

I find him funny
but I imagine an advert done repeatedly of him doing the iranian voice might get annoying
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:19, Reply)

"How can we have an inSHOOrance advert with a funny foreign voice but not get accused of ripping off the meerkat one?..

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:16, Reply)

Get a scouser to do it?
Mind you that'd be rubbish as everyone would assume you were trying to fleece them.

And steal their hubcaps.


And then have a minutes silence about it.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Barry from Eastenders likes this.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:25, Reply)

You forgot the bit where we release a charity single

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)

And then get upset because your shell suits caught fire.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:35, Reply)

it wasn't my shell suit that caught fire
It was my garish checked suit from M&S, OMG you internet bully
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:46, Reply)

I'm sorry Roots
I was only joshing like.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:53, Reply)

I can't answer
I'm in therapy. There was a freckle on my leg that looked like Simon Weston after that incident.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:02, Reply)

I was just calling them cunts and demanding they switch my phone back on repeatedly
She used logic and a smart mind. Who bloody knew that would work.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:04, Reply)

Is this Stephen's mum?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:18, Reply)

*Steven
And aye.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Oh, sorry
They're well touchy about that ph/v thing
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:28, Reply)

Yeah I'm sure he barked "tell her to do one" when he read your reply.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Tough call
My Dad's ace, he's an amazing cook, and he acts like a kid all the time. I'll be walking through town with them, and he'll jam his fingers in my sides/ribs, making me jump. He calls that particular move a 'nig', something I wish he wouldn't shout in public.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:05, Reply)

my cousins
they're omgrandom, we get along great now that we're older, we're always laughing when we're together, the youngest is Chelsea, she's 18, she's my favorite person in the whole wide world
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:05, Reply)

My littlest sister
she makes me laugh
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:14, Reply)

My younger brother
We didn't really get along while I lived at home. But recently we've been in touch a lot more and I'm happy to discover that he has somehow grown into the soundest person I know.

My cousins are great too, I actually look forward to weddings where I get to see them.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:14, Reply)

My sister is a pufferfish
she'll be all fine and happy, swimming along, but then suddenly something will make her blow up and be all stroppy and spiky. I told my mum about my analogy and she started using it. Whoops.

I used to be the favourite, but I think she is now because they think I'm a loser :(
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:30, Reply)

why do they think you are a loser?
you have a job and your own business and place? what's loserish about that?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:33, Reply)

I never have any money
and I'm on pay as you go so I make them ring me back.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:34, Reply)

pah
well I think your position is admirable. This is the nicest thing I will ever say to you so please take note.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:37, Reply)

thanks :)
I thought I was doing ok. They'll be eating their words when I'm sleeping on my money pile in between filming new eps of Dragons Den.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:49, Reply)

My sister can be like that too
She doesn't blow up but it's glaringly obvious she's livid about something and the atmosphere blackens in an instant. Thankfully I have got blithe indifference to this down to a fine art.

You've punched a goose, this is all a parent can dream of for their child.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:43, Reply)

My Dad
he can do this dance called the Popcorn and it's a bit like Cat from Red Dwarf's dance but it's better and it was invented before then in the 1970s, and you can do it to Vietnam by Jimmy Cliff.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Watched all of series 1 the other night. so so good.
ooooooooowwwwwwwwww I'm a eat you little fishy cause I like eating fish!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:16, Reply)

I want a scutter

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)

I want a Kryten

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:20, Reply)

not the gay one from series 2 but a robert llewellyn one.
edit, thats not his name is it?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:20, Reply)

it is

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:24, Reply)

I want a Kristene Kochanski
From the 1st series, not the latter ones.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Mmmmmm Clare Grogan out of Altered Images.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:23, Reply)

I still would even now

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:24, Reply)

After a quick Google
I agree.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:26, Reply)

very good shout

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:23, Reply)

I want a budgie/t-rex.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)

On the opposite note
I'm sure if you asked my siblings who the worst member of our family is, they would say me
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)

Unless the question involved breasts

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:21, Reply)

I can't imagine
what that question would be
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:24, Reply)

Which one of your family has the most rubbish breasts.
And if it's still you then I want to see the rest of your family.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:29, Reply)

I don't think you would
my sisters are too young even for you, and my brothers all have disappointing cleavage. My mum on the other hand
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:51, Reply)

my gran was best
she could get plants to grow that noone else could, she looked after orphan children after the war (some kind of fostering deal I think) and made the best ginger pudding EVER! If I take after one of my family, I hope it's her
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:18, Reply)

mm ginger pudding
I'd like that
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:19, Reply)

it was amazing
steamed pudding, extra gingery with home made custard.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:21, Reply)

I'd leave the custard
and subsitute cream, but apart from that it sounds delicious
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:24, Reply)

Creme fraiche?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)

that'll do pig
that'll do
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:51, Reply)

I don't know as I'm adopted and not counting the baby stealers who got me as family
so I win by default. Although if I did count the baby stealers my 'dad' is pretty wicked. Talks to himself, tells the same jokes relentlessly, looks enough like Sean Connery to get mistaken for him in airports and has generally stuck by me through all my monumental fuck ups (andthere have been lots) and is still doing it today. I will never say it to him but he is pretty awesome.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Interesting
Bert never knew his real dad either.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:21, Reply)

oh God not this again.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:26, Reply)

Stop gazzing me with stupid questions Bert.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:30, Reply)

I don't really mind the Chompy thing but Bert I take exception too
he was a cunt and I might be a dick but I;m not a cunt!!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)

You used two exclamation marks.


Cunt.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:33, Reply)

and you're talking nonsense
double cunt
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:37, Reply)

shut up, bert

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:44, Reply)

Go Kristine! Go Kristine! Go! Go! Go Kristine!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:45, Reply)

he can't be bert, he doesn't have the clout

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:58, Reply)

I wouldn't want to be that little cunt especially if he is someone you like

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:03, Reply)

SOMEONE LIKE ME?!
Someone that is super fucking awesome?
Yeah, you definitely wouldn't be like that.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:05, Reply)

prosecution rests

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:09, Reply)

I love Sean Connery
Would you introduce me to your dad?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:25, Reply)

yeah if you like Ill find a pic of him on his company website now.
how do I put a picture in here?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:26, Reply)

you have to upload it to b3tards
It's probably easier to just link us to the website.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:32, Reply)

us? what is this us you speak of.

bad pic really he is squinting
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:34, Reply)

It's probably not a good idea to put a link
to the company website of a family member on b3ta.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Well
Nobody here is going to stalk him or anything.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:38, Reply)

No but you don't want somone searching for him and finding this place
and more the the point, this is the internet and it's full of cunts, you shouldn't be posting links to personal stuff unless your absolutely sure you don't mind anyone in the world looking at it. And that goes double for stuff about someone else who doesn't even know you're posting it.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:40, Reply)

I was being ironic
Buu
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:45, Reply)

True, that did cross my mind
you're probably right.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Good shout.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:38, Reply)

He does look like him
Pitty I'm getting married...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:38, Reply)

and he is 60 ish!!!
but in really good shape runs half marathons and stuff. cant believe I'm pimping out my dad.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Yeah, I can't believe it either
Are you on commission or something?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:46, Reply)

I just get his cast offs.
gross gross gross
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:50, Reply)

60ish is hot sometimes

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:51, Reply)

fuck off bert

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:54, Reply)

BERT DOESN'T FUCK AROUND WHEN TALKING ABOUT FUCKING
It's srs bzns
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:56, Reply)

sssh now

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:59, Reply)

I have no idea how to put pictures here
You'll have to ask the clever ones.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:36, Reply)

you have to get an account with www.b3tards.com
then save the picture to your PC and upload it to www.b3tards.com, then copy the link that b3tards gives you into your post. Jobsagoodun.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:51, Reply)

ta

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:54, Reply)

Thank you!

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 Aug 2010, 15:00, Reply)

Mobile phone mongoloids
I have just had a week of mental sparring with O2 that ended with me winning. My secret, well, whisper it at first....ombudsman.
The guy shat himself and phoned me back literally forcing a £180 cheque onto me.

Cuntgrapes.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:31, Reply)