Today at work, I worked out the depth of a women's fanny by watching Ron Jermmy stuff it in her....
... and from a sub-learning experiance, I tried to find out how many women he has had sex with (on camera, impossible to work out otherwise).

I learnt from this a few things :-

- Should his winky be 9.75", her fanny was approx 8.5".
- He has been in over 1750 movies, over 25 years. That's 70 a year, or roughly one every 6 days throughout his entire career. Sometimes there is more than one girl at a time, sometimes it's the same girl in more than one video... therefore I can not work this one out.
- In the majority of videos that I saw today, probably a good 20 or soo (not the full job), the girls look quite bored.
- He can jizz on que, where the director at any point does a count-down, weather it's 4m or 2h, the director can count down from 10 and get him to go.
- I think I don't quite understand how a vagina works.
- He is proof that you don't have to be fit or good looking, and thus, there is hope for me.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:04, 43 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

oh the words
summarise pls
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:06, Reply)

Back at the cab office, spent most of today watching porn.
One guy nearly threw up when I showed him Cup Chicks, only lasted about 10 seconds.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:08, Reply)

To most guys, this'll sound like a good thing.
It was actually teddious and dull.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:08, Reply)

Watched this though, which was quite good.
www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00tf1r4/Madness_in_the_Fast_Lane/
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:09, Reply)

i should imagine this is no kicking an ostrich up the arse

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:10, Reply)

We've reached a pinical R, nothing can top that.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:11, Reply)

nothing can top that
i cant even find it anymore :(((((((
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:13, Reply)

Sad Times =(

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:19, Reply)

I said that was worth a view yesterday (or Tuesday).
Proper mentalist, both of them.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:13, Reply)

men watching porn i dont give a monkeys about
men watching porn TOGETHER creeps me out man :(
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:09, Reply)

nothing more awkward than watching porn with another person
especially one you don't plan on sexing
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:14, Reply)

even then its shite
tried it once and it put me right off my stride. i couldnt fucking concentrate on the bird on the telly moo'ing and shit whilst i was doing my thing. i had to turn it off to get a wriggle on
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:18, Reply)

fair point
only tried it once, jenna jameson all over some old guy and all i could think was wtf is this guy wearin
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:35, Reply)

haha
see. its fucking ridiculous when theres two of you trying to have a butchers and still concentrating on what youre fucking poking
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:40, Reply)

reckon it's not impossible
just not for us
so, ya know, when we finally meet and all, now i know to keep the porn out of the equation
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:48, Reply)

oh man i am IN like flynn

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 20:00, Reply)

Ain't my cup of tea, to be honest.
I managed to steer them away from it in the end though.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:14, Reply)

i think you've put too much thought into it
you don't need to know how the vagina works, just know that it does
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:13, Reply)

like computers
and aeroplanes
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:17, Reply)

at least a vagina works all the time
unlike a penis :(
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:29, Reply)

guess what I'm cooking
RIGHT NOW!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:17, Reply)

YOUR GRANDMOTHERS SKIN

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:20, Reply)

good guess

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:24, Reply)

xxxx

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:40, Reply)

OH MAN, take photos and let me know how it goes !
tonight I'm going to do seasimi encrusted scallops, with a teryakki sauce from the japanise.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:20, Reply)

wil do, it's almost ready

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:24, Reply)

Witness one woman's victory over ingredients!



yum, gonz is best
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:45, Reply)

maybe you could explain for the rest of the crowd

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:47, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post823867
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:48, Reply)

tiny shrimps
go big or go home
also, it does look pretty fab
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:51, Reply)

Deffo for next time, but it's still good =)
Or crab sticks cut into 3 work too.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:57, Reply)

I looooooooooooooooove shrimp
AND sundried tomatoes

not so big on imitation crab tho

also, do you actually say 'tomarto' ?
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 20:00, Reply)

yup, Toe-mar-toe
Give that one a shot if you fancy, the sundried tomarto's flavour intensifies when you cook them. prawn or fake-crab both work =) Even chorizo works.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 20:07, Reply)

Niice, looks good !
Well done =)
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:47, Reply)

I almost bought scallops the other day
then I was looking for recipes that use black pudding (because I have some) and loads of scallop & black pudding recipes came up. Gutted.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:33, Reply)

Special offer on down ASDA, £2 for a bag of like 12 of them.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:35, Reply)

ASDA are going a bit mad in the shellfish market

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:48, Reply)

It was the "Cook today or throw out tomorow" stuff.
Some bastard got a lobster for £6 =(
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:54, Reply)

I got a nautilus for £90
It now sits at the top of my fire telling mysterious fortunes.
(Mr Big Stuff, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 22:38, Reply)

If it's pork steaks smeared with wholegrain mustard and topped with camembert
then you are me and I claim my leftover couscous.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:30, Reply)

You just need a big dick and money and girls will fuck you.
Maybe not the sort of girls you want fucking you, but they will.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 20:04, Reply)

I'll buy that for a dollar

(Mr Big Stuff, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 22:40, Reply)

god dammit.
i was hoping to glean some kind of insight from this, like maybe it would end with 'so ron jeremy in his career has delivered no less than ninety six and a half furlongs of schlong' but all i got was 'so this dude's fucked a lot of women and is hung like a moose and i'm jealous..
a lot of people are jealous.
i want STATISTICS!
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 16:00, Reply)