Ramadan-a-ding-dong
Do you reckon that when those poor buggers in Pakistan receive food aid drops, they have to wait until night to start eating them?

Does the Qu'ran have clauses whereby if you're *really* fucking hungry, it doesn't count?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:39, 63 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This was mentioned on the news recently
I think most people were of the opinion that in these circumstances it's okay to eat during the day.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:41, Reply)

That's an interesting point,
I'm pretty sure that you'll get different interpretations depending on who you ask, but I'm certain there'll be some people that'll say if starving children eat before sunset they'll go to hell.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Ha, there is a part of me that hopes this is true.
The media seem to be getting annoyed that there isn't enough charitable donations being made to these unfortunates.
The cunts should send them some of their own profits instead of berating the general public who seem to be suffering from charity fatigue.

Or maybe no one gives a fuck.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:44, Reply)

ha
I was watching one of Al Murray's stand up shows later (yeah Monty you probably hate him but I think he's funny so fuck off)and this has reminded me of him screaming Where's our fucking money?! around 46 times.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:47, Reply)

His history programme is great.
'The Pub Landlord' is desperately, terminally unfunny.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:48, Reply)

^this, the man is not funny.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:53, Reply)

That's a bit harsh
I know he is a grumpy old fart a lot of the time, but Monty does have moments of hilarity
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I'm having one now, reading your spelling of 'hilarity'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Don't know what you're on about....

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Course you don't, love.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Which is a shame because a large scale genorous donations
would do more to tackle terrorism in the area than either of the wars going on at the moment.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Work out cheaper as well

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Yep, and less collateral damage.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:52, Reply)

Unless they packed the money (coinage) into shipping containers
and then used high explosive charges to spread the money around the areas where it is required.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Only you would think of that

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Or maybe via local, personal money dispensers?
Lots of coins packed tight under some guy's (has to be a local, so they trust him) robes, with just a few pounds of explosives so that you can evenly distribute the coins in a packed marketplace.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Where would they spend the money,
a floating Tesco?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Tesco have just announced plans to open a further 7000 Tesco Express stores in Pakistan
to help people get the supplies they need.

I reckon in about 6 months this will actually be true. Fucking cunts.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:00, Reply)

They've already sold Pakistan
a Tesco Value Irrigation Scheme. It's been all over the news.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:02, Reply)

You know that it's only a matter of time before such a thing exists.

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:01, Reply)

There must be Tescos in the middle east
They are everywhere else

Oh not quite yet..
www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/epic/tsco/6480352/Tony-Blair-linked-to-1m-Tesco-Middle-East-deal.html
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:01, Reply)

I went to Thailand a few years ago
and was gutted to see the street food-vendors using Tesco value soy, Tesco value oil, Tesco value napkins...

Dammit: if I'm going to eat dangerous food from an unregulated vendor, I want it to be echt.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:07, Reply)

I went into a Tesco Lotus store on Koh Samui
It was proper big, and the cafe place had several different food vendors (all lovely food) and a KFC.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:12, Reply)

The Koran is full of lines saying that normally forbidden things are permissible
in cases of necessity.

That's why at least some (not many, I'll grant, but some) Muslim scholars are willing to countenance the use of pig insulin or even xenotransplantation if there's a life at stake.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Does this include bacon sandwiches?
Because they are necessary for life.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:51, Reply)

If they were the only foodstuff available, yes.*
Though I think you may be stretching the concept of necessity just the tiniest bit.


*Quality of my Islamic scholarship may go down as well as up. It's about 7 years since I last read the Koran.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:54, Reply)

For most /OT patrons bacon and and its bready covering is a necessity.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:56, Reply)

That's because most /ot patrons haven't ever learnt that it's possible to say no to food.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:57, Reply)

:(

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:59, Reply)

It's certainly true
that the 5-times-a-day prayer requirement is flexible to a certain extent. If you're in the middle of committing a terrorist atrocity, for example, you don't have to drop to your knees on the plane/bus/whatever, whip out a compass and 'locate' Mecca.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Yeah, it does
similarly, you don't *have* to fast if you're pregnant, ill or under a certain age etc. Depends on how strict you are. It's a shame that their faith is all these poor sods have to cling to, rather than thinking 'Hey, if there really is an Allah, he seems to be shitting on us copiously right now. Perhaps he can go fuck himself and I'll do what I want for a change.'
(berk, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Before I went round to my mate's last night I said "Are you fasting?"
He said "No, not today, because I wanted to enjoy the football."
On hearing this wonderful news, I grabbed a bottle of JD and his 11 months late birthday present of MOAR JD and set off down the hill.
"Want a brew?" he says. "No, let's lubricate." I says.
"Oh, I'm not fasting today, but it's still no booze for Ramadan." he says. "Fair enough." I say, and have a little JD on my own.

Then the fucker proceeds to get out of his mind on weed???
What a rubbish Muslim. He is not going to paradise.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Erm, I thought the Koran says
no booze EVER?
(berk, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:05, Reply)

That's catholic muslims.
protestant muslims are allowed to get shitfaced.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Oh yeah
But he drinks it all year round, and only observes rules when he's fasting for Ramadan.
So when it;s Ramadan he has no ciggies, no weed, no booze, no sex, no solo sex, and observes all the fasting rules as well.

I was just pissed off that he gives himself a day off from fasting and the smoking ban, but then still observes the booze ban.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:07, Reply)

So he's a practising muslim
for one month of the year, essentially?
(berk, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:09, Reply)

yes
I have told him that he gets no virgins at the end.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Surely he should get six

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:12, Reply)

I forget which comedian it was
it may have been Billy Connolly, who said that this idea of getting seven virgins in paradise is completely overrated - most men would prefer seven up-for-anything slappers.
(berk, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:18, Reply)

He's not practicing very hard, is he?
BOOM! BOOM!*


*additionalterroristlolz
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:14, Reply)

weed never counts
it's always ok to be high.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:06, Reply)

All the Pakistani lads round my way smoke weed
but don't drink - but the Qu'ran actually condemns intoxication of any kind I thought, rather than specifically alcohol.

I doesnae get it, mon.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Eggzackly
And no tattoos or body modifications
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Luckily grotesque car modifications are fine.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:12, Reply)

and voice modifications
innit. Hate that.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Did you know
It is very easy to convince older generations that indians invented txt spk
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:15, Reply)

did you know
4 year olds believe everything you tell them. Leads to some confused looking parents at the end of the day.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:16, Reply)

hahah

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Personally my ability to function on Marijuana is much higher
than when drunk, much easier to pass unnoticed being stoned than pissed.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Youshould convert him to
TNSSCoR
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:07, Reply)

He likes being a Muslim
A muslim who smokes cigarettes, smokes weed, has sex with his girlfriend, and drinks booze.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Fucking hell - I'm one of them!
(I don't have sex with his girlfriend though)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:11, Reply)

i tried to claim that I was a better muslim than him,
but where I trump him on the weed, he wins on the pork ban.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:13, Reply)

So many porking jokes
so little time...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:14, Reply)

You love a bit of pork

(Bazongaloid, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:14, Reply)

*insert obvious 'porking' joke here*
*then giggle about 'insert'*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:14, Reply)

TOO SLOW

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Some of us are working

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:16, Reply)

w p
(Bazongaloid, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:17, Reply)

;)

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:17, Reply)

nice

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Good one

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Oh ok
I'm having an extended weekend.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 11:17, Reply)