late night thread
how do you make your cheese on toast?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 22:48, 102 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

With Jam'in'!
Serious Answer.

White bread (min 2 slices). Butter add mango chutney add cheese grill.

Alternatively, as above by leave out the mango chutney and add Lea and Perrins.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 22:48, Reply)

thats poor even for you

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 22:52, Reply)

I have the munchies

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 22:53, Reply)

Starting to feel a bit better?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 22:53, Reply)

her contempt for me has the power of a thousand doses of night nurse

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 22:56, Reply)

You'd love a dose from a nurse.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 22:59, Reply)

i should really stop watching chick flicks
Reminds me how sad and pathetic and lonely my life is.
Ha I'm just messing I totally love lame films
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 22:56, Reply)

What is your favourite 'chick flick'?
I have one that I can tollerate, having watched it countless times with the ex wife, but I'll not be revealing it as I'll look like a MASSIVE BUMDER
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 22:58, Reply)

i love clueless
Legally blonde, shallow Hal, how to lose a guy in 10 days, 50 first dates, she's all that, 10 things I hate about you.
The list is endless
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:04, Reply)

I've see Legally Blonde
And (I think) 50 first dates (is that there one where he wakes her up with a video every morning?)

Thankfully, I'm not married anymore, so I don't have to watch any of that old bollocks and I can watch Ross Kemp and Danny Dyer on Bravo without being judged.*

*Awaits judging.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:08, Reply)

danny dyer is AWFUL
And yes it is
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:10, Reply)

I know
I don't watch Danny Dyer fronted shows.

But I did quite enjoy The Business.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:13, Reply)

havent seen it he annoys me so much i cant make it through a whole film
I bought the bank job with stathram in yesterday though WOO!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:19, Reply)

Did you think the film was WOO
Or Statham was WOO?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:19, Reply)

both
I do love a bit of statham though
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:26, Reply)

I've seen the Bank Job
It was an enjoyable enough romp, but was no classic, not like Buster with Phil Collins. Hell no.

Phil Collins is much better than Statham.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:29, Reply)

hmm
I also bought the color of money.
The better cruises teeth got the more of a cock he became.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:30, Reply)

I'm trying to think of a Tom Cruise film I like
that isn't Rainman. And let's be honest, he was a supporting actor in that.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:31, Reply)

iike a surprising amount
Because I love cheesy 80s films
And mission impossible
And minority report
And interview with a vampire
Oh and I've just remembered Legend, that I caught the end of whilst at wookiees and made him watch it
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:40, Reply)

I remember going on a date with a girl from school* to see Cocktail.
She let me kiss her in the cinema.

Then she dumped me.

I blame Cruise.

*I too, was at school before Bob get a lob-on.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:42, Reply)

sad times

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:45, Reply)

I was 14 or 15
This was common place.

I'm not bitter. It was a shit film too.

**Longs for a cinema date with someone these days**
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:48, Reply)

ill go see tron with you in december

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:54, Reply)

The proper original Tron
With the light-cycles and stuff?

Or is it some new version?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:58, Reply)

tis a sequel
I don't care if the plots wank it looks awesome
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:19, Reply)

I remember getting the original out on Betamax
From Video City.

Two quid for twenty-four hours.

It was, if memory serves, a shit film.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:22, Reply)

ha ps love the sig

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:04, Reply)

Thanks very much!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:09, Reply)

I don't because cheese and toast are for fat people.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:06, Reply)

Does the jacket now fit?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:08, Reply)

I've decided it fit anyway.
I'm more pissed off that I bought it from a namby pamby boutique and it didn't even come with tags. I've sent an arsey email demanding a part refund.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:22, Reply)

What tags were you expecting?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:23, Reply)

Just the usual ones attached to the label.
Think it takes the piss they can send it like that, it could have been worn for all I know. Paid £130 for it, I expect it to be brand spanking new.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:43, Reply)

Hiya luv
What's going on in your life? I haven't had a 'magic' text in a while.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:47, Reply)

That's because I've been coming up short in the poo department.
I'm not too bad, been back in Newcastle nearly three weeks now, it's going alright. Having massive second thoughts about this course though and am currently shitting myself with regards to the future. On the plus side I've met a doris, will be interesting to see where it goes. She is reet hot. How's it going in the self pity city?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:07, Reply)

With buckets of marmite and mature cheddar.
Sometimes on a ciabatta.


Today was a very fat day.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:10, Reply)

it's not something i normally eat
as i am never well organised enough to have bread in. but usually muffins or crumpets toasted with really offensive cheddar or blue cheese. and black pepper. and japanenos.

if i'm feeling lazy, the breville sandwich maker, or whack a small slab of cheddar on a plate, 30 secs in microwave, pour over piece of toast, done!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:23, Reply)

Good dinner this evening?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:24, Reply)

yes thank you
v civilised. double gym session tomorrow to burn it off! well actually i'll probably walk home given tube strikes in my curvy sole ass toning trainers. lazy fuckers!

how about you, nice weekend?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:26, Reply)

I did a lot of drinking and watched some football.
I roasted some lamb this evening, which was lovely. What dish were you presented with tonight?

Double gym session is just weird if you ask me.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:30, Reply)

what veggie stuff did you have with the sheep corpse??
i had a roasted goats cheese and shallot thing. my friend had a red pepper stuffed with some form of meat. it was quite a nice new bar place.

no, i'll go for an hour before work and then either walk home or go for an hour after work - done!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:32, Reply)

That'll mean packing double gym kit.*
With my dead sheep I had minted peas, red cabbage, parsnips and some mashed swede.

Sorry, I didn't know you avoided animal.

*Unless you are dead skanky and are wearing the same thing twice, which I don't believe.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:35, Reply)

just fussy
if i liked it, i'd hoon it.

the flat is about 2 mins from the gym, so i will just need to pop back in to change!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:43, Reply)

I've got a mate who avoids animal based on taste.
What is the obsession with keep-fit? Health or vanity?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:45, Reply)

bit of both!
i used to be a real gym-bunny, then stopped going because - well, without getting too emo or confessional, my vile ex was both mentally and physically violent about it, and i didn't go for a long time. so i'm only just enjoying going again, really.

also i have lots of tiny clothes that it's either throw out or slim back into. i'd prefer the latter!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:49, Reply)

**Applauds Swipe**
Sliming back into clothes rather than buying new ones? You've changed!

Sorry to hear about the mental ex. I suppose it goes to show that it's not just women who have spazzy brains. Sorry to hear that violence was involved.

How long does the average gym session last? (I ask that as someone who doesn't do gyms, thanks in no small part to be naturally thin, meaning I can eat and drink what I like without putting on weight).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:53, Reply)

oh no
i still buy new ones too! come on, don't be naive.

my mother, who was very slim and healthy, collapsed whilst exercising with a brain haemorrhage. absolutely no warning, but she died v shortly afterwards. obviously i knew rationally it wasn;t connected to the exercise, but he said awful things about it. then once he'd reduced me to tears or hit me, he'd say blackmaily stuff like "i just worry about you, i don't want you to die."

urgh, how depressing!!! anyway. that is why i am now going a lot, because having started again, i had forgotten how good it makes you feel. i think it's also helping me get over the above, because i never ever talked about it before. i just got more and more unfit!

you and your perfect metabolism can sod off though!!!!!!!!!!!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:58, Reply)

*Smugs up with my wonderful metabolism*
Sorry to hear that, it sounds like it was a shitty time to be Swipe. I have no retrospective advice, thoughts or indeed ill-thought-out jokes to lighten the mood.

Glad to hear that everything is far more positive these days and you've jettisoned the ex. Additionally, sorry to hear about the loss of a parent. Can't have been easy.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:01, Reply)

it wasn't the best of times
in hindsight i can't believe i let him do it, but i think i was just so knocked sideways by what had happened, and when he was being nice to me i couldn't imagine how i'd cope with everything without him.

no, losing my mum so young (she was only 54) and so unexpectedly was/is beyond words. but i was lucky to have had the best mum in the world whilst i had her, and we were v close, which helps a lot.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:05, Reply)

I pleased to hear you've nothing
But brilliant memories of your mother.

Any contact with your ex these days? Surely you must want to know just how badly his life is going for the amusement?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:09, Reply)

well
oddly enough he called me the other day after about 3 years, wanting to tell me that married life ain't all that, and wondering if i wanted to pop over for the afternoon. he'd changed his number or i wouldn't have taken the call.

again oddly enough i was busy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:11, Reply)

What a twat.
He could have phoned me and I'd have told him married life is gash.

I'm not surprised you were busy. The number of weekends you seem to spend in work suggests to me you are very busy.*

*I've done it again haven't I? I've missed the point.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:17, Reply)

yes
yes you have!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:20, Reply)

It's not even endearing anymore either.
I don't know why I do it.

*Puts a cat in a wheelie bin*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:21, Reply)

it's ok
you're a man. it's what you things DO.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:23, Reply)

*Sad face*
:-(
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:27, Reply)

ha sorry
and on that note, it's bedtime, given that i have to get up at 6 thanks to bob crow. man i hope his face meets a shovel at high speed and that someone films it.

sleep well!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:34, Reply)

My mum uses the 'melt cheese first then put on toast/bread' method
I wonder if you're like a young verson of my mum in other ways.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:46, Reply)

i am a northerner

( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:49, Reply)

I need more info!
Have you ever worn clogs? (I mean sexy ones, not northern male clogdancer ones.)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:59, Reply)

Sexy clogs?!?!
the stench of lies!
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:00, Reply)

not since i was very little
my dad reckons he had to wear them though.

i do have a duffel coat, does that count?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:02, Reply)

No.
My mum was a bit of a sexpot in her day.
I was wondering if this cheese melty thing had a correlation.
Do you have OCD?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:04, Reply)

i always thought i was too lazy for ocd
but my psychologist friend sam (who oddly enough just started her phd at liverpool uni!) tells me that everyone has it to some degree. i thought about it, and she is right. eg the volume on tv/stereo etc has to be on an odd number, if i find a series of books i like, i can't rest until i have them all, in the right order and in matching covers, on my shelf etc.

i think your mother is just practical and sensible, naturally.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:07, Reply)

Yup
I'm a higgledy-piggledy girl, but even that has to follow ordered chaos rules. We are all a bit OCD.
And if your friend needs any library fines sorting, let me know.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:13, Reply)

same here
i don't mind a bit of untidy but it has to be clean underneath!

ooh thanks. i should send her in to introduce herself, except that she has appeared in a few stories of mine on /qotw and it didn't go down well that i had shared them when she found them!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:16, Reply)

Did your duffel coat
Have mitten that were threaded through the sleeves on a bit of wool so you wouldn't lose them?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:05, Reply)

haha
when i was a child, it did.

fuck i hated that itchy woolly coat with the spakka buttons. and it was brown. urgh.

the one i have now is much classier. although it is still brown-ish (mocha).
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:08, Reply)

I've still got my mittens on a bit of string.
I'm 36.

I'm hoping next year I'll be allowed to look after my own gloves.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! Can I look after my own gloves? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:10, Reply)

i just don't get the point of mittens
you can't do anything. might as well be wearing the pink boxing gloves.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:12, Reply)

hehehehehehe
How are the gloves? I won't ask you how they fit as I sense the reply from Bristol.

Got much use out of them?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:14, Reply)

i am waiting
for the boxing punch tube thing to arrive. stupid john lewis, they said up to 2 weeks, well, it's been 9 days, where is my punchbag???
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:17, Reply)

Within 5 days of delivery?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:17, Reply)

yes but i wanted it on the day
if i didn't have such a vanity sportscar i could have done the store collection thing. but it wouldn't fit. now here i am, tubeless.

roar.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:20, Reply)

Why not get the rage
And hit the streets with some vanity-based-vigulante-style-justice?

I can see that working.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:24, Reply)

Using an entire net of babybels
a decent sized hollowed out loaf and a small incendiary device.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:27, Reply)

Got any diagrams?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:30, Reply)

*taps temple*
It's all up here Jeffrey, in my thinky box.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:38, Reply)

Tell me.
Do you de-net the Babybels before hand or does the net add to the taste?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:40, Reply)

Don't be ludicrous, the net comes off.
But the wax, oh the wax, that stays in. It makes the cheese turn a funny shade of mauve and the after effects mean you'll save at least a weeks worth of toilet paper.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:45, Reply)

this is my favourite OT conversarion evar

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:49, Reply)

Someday
I hope to exchange my Badger Points for a carriage clock or a set of placemats.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:54, Reply)

With no Monty around, may I say
POTD!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:06, Reply)

where is monty?
i miss him!

(if he were online, he'd be saying something like "well let me get out of bed then you nymph")
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:12, Reply)

You should know more than me, eh? nudge nudge, wink, wink....
I'm guessing he is still basking in parental bliss after another wonderful day with his daughter.

At least I hope so.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:14, Reply)

i'm not sure i can say anything
when he isn't here to defend himself/corroborate!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:17, Reply)

Heh heh heh.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:24, Reply)

youre up to a speedboat now

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:22, Reply)

Fuck me.
I've walked into the Bullseye 'Prize Board'

Take a look at what you could have won!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:25, Reply)

That sounds brilliant.
I don't think I've ever eaten Babybel. What cheese is it most similar to?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:50, Reply)

Plastic.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:52, Reply)

Doesn't sound great.
Maybe I'd need to use the right sort of loaf to be able to get the full benefit from the plastic cheese and explosives toastie.

God is in the details.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:55, Reply)

I don't mind them at all.
Though the wax might be the best bit. It's excellent to use as a stubberoutty thing.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:56, Reply)

Rustic batch is the best
excellent containment.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:57, Reply)

*jots down rustic batch*
Notes containment capabilities.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:03, Reply)

the purple ones (cheddar)
is the best.

or in spain where they sell the MASSIVE babybels. those are awesome.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:54, Reply)

Do the Spanish call them
BambinoBels?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:56, Reply)

Whaaaat?
I totally missed this when I went, and now feel completely deprived. I want giant babybel!
(berk, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:58, Reply)

they are brilliant
they used to sell them here when i was a child, 137 years ago, but no more.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:00, Reply)

Gouda/Edam
crossed with a child's novelty eraser.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:55, Reply)

I need to get involved.
Edam mixed with mong-child-snack sounds like heaven to me.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:57, Reply)

With cheese
and bread
and a grill
( broadsword, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 0:48, Reply)