oh don't, don't, don't
i actually have a small spot for the posh army twat. how did you know??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:26, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I don't mind him as a person
because he admits that his music is shit.

and when he was first into somewhere with his tank and minions he had his guitar with him
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:27, Reply)

the problem is
he is actually quite hot.

i hated him at first, that "you're beautiful" song made my ears bleed. then everything else just sort of grew on me. argh, i hate myself.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:28, Reply)

really? you women are weird
I can't stand his voice at all.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:29, Reply)

men in uniform
it's a Good Look.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:32, Reply)

not traffic warden uniforms though?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:34, Reply)

ooooh
glad you reminded me, i need to appeal the one that bastard gave me in oxford last weekend!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:38, Reply)

I'm here to serve

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Were you parked legally for the correct amount of time?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Of course not
but that doesn't give them the right to just give you a ticket does it!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:52, Reply)

How very dare they?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:54, Reply)

well yes and no
i had to scratch off the time of arrival, which was 12:10pm. i scratched off both the 12 and the 10 in the hours column. as these fucking things are like gold-dust, i then scratched off the 10 in the minutes column rather than using a fresh one, and left. (i) it was obvious to an illiterate monkey (ie a traffic warden) what i meant; and (ii) the earliest i could therefore have parked was 10:10am. either which way, it was clear.

when i got there at 8.30am the next morning... parking ticket. the scrubby, pikey, cheating, unscrupulous, desperate, working on commission, get a real job bastards.

i'm damned if i'm paying it, i'll see them in court!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:05, Reply)

You don't have a leg to stand on though do you
you've just admitted it's your fault you got it wrong and therefore according to the terms and conditions which you are implicitly accepting by using the ticket, you have invalidated the ticket.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:14, Reply)

I'll invalidate your ticket
wait...
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:25, Reply)

yes
but i don't consider it to be invalid. on the face of the ticket, it was quite clear. if i had arrived after 10.10am, i could have seen their point - conceivably i could have had more than 24 hours.

if i weren't a lawyer, i'd just scratch off a new ticket and send them that with a letter saying "what's your problem?"

but my practising certificate is worth more than a £35 parking ticket, sadly.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:26, Reply)

But you just said you scratched off two boxes in the hours column
which I'm almost certain will, according to the T&Cs, render the ticket invalid.

So really you ought to look at it as an expensive lesson in colouring between the lines.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:31, Reply)

nope
also there is nothing in the Ts & Cs about scratching off 2 boxes invalidating a ticket. NOTHING. don't get me started on the legal ramifications of interpreting express and implied contractual clauses. but i will be really irritating the cunts at oxford city council parking department. it's the principle of the thing - that man/woman could clearly SEE i was not breaching anything. AND i was the only car on the street, so it's not as if i was even taking up spaces for residents. argh!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:36, Reply)

I'm very surprised that the T&Cs are that badly worded then.
You should still try not to be such a clumsy arse in future though
(Bazongaloid, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:38, Reply)

hungover and bleary eyed
would be more accurate.

yes, i intend to exploit their weakness. ha.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:41, Reply)

I have to say smartly dressed women are the way forward.

( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:37, Reply)

He interviewed brilliantly on Top Gear
I was amazed - I liked him enormously.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:29, Reply)

that was my first insight into him not being an awful shitcunt
it has since been supported elsewhere
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:30, Reply)

He handled it well when Clarkson said he'd been voted the second most annoying person of all time
and he was like "second?! Come on!"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:55, Reply)

Did Clarkson come first?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:11, Reply)

haha

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:12, Reply)

because you're equally posh
and I can't help but imagine you covered in mud brandishing a weapon
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:28, Reply)

ha
i'm noveau riche, darling. fur coat, no knickers. big difference!

just don't tell monty, he'll never speak to me again...

and what was that about your muddy weapon?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:29, Reply)

Say it isn't so!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:50, Reply)

i never yet knew a man
complain about the no knickers part

as for the fur coat... can't you tell when a girl is faking it??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:02, Reply)

It's not something I have ever experienced.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:07, Reply)

very very smooth
i am Impressed
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:10, Reply)

I bet Les Wexner does.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:12, Reply)

i hate it when you make me laugh

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:14, Reply)

I love it when I force people to go on wikipedia to understand my punchlines.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:19, Reply)

just for that I'm not going to look it up
and am not going to laugh
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:20, Reply)

Same

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:21, Reply)

me too
let's wait for him to explain it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:26, Reply)

Les Wexner is the head of some company
that owns Victoria Secret and La Senza.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:37, Reply)

what on earth did you google to find him (assuming you DON'T read the "national enquirer")
"men who hate girls going commando" ?
"men with substantial interest in sales of women's pants" ?
"men who've ironically made billions from garments they have no interest in, or in what those garments cover" ?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:43, Reply)

actually i knew who he was
because of all the "les is gay" rumours. if you occasionally read the "national enquirer", you are pretty much up to speed on who might be gay.

in fact, the "les is gay" rumours add a second layer of wit to your joke that i bet my SLK you were unaware of... (because gay men don't like teh pussy)

if i hadn't just outed myself as a "national enquirer" reader, i'd have won this round.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:28, Reply)