GOOD MORNING GOOD MORNING GOOD MORNING !!!!
It's totally NEW JOB day. I've loaded up my iPhone with some good music, ironed my clothes, charged up all my electronics, did my oyster thinggy and OH GOSH, I'm leaving the house at 7:30 so I get there around 8:30, where I'll have 30 minutes to have a cup of joe* and maybe a banana and toffee muffin. I'm all shaved and showered already 'cus I did it last night.

OH MAN !

Any tips on the first day? I know I should make someone my bitch or I'll be the next-man's-pussyole for the rest of my time there.

* Is that what you city types call coffee?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 6:58, 22 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Gonz,
Don't reply, just go to work.

When you are settled in then you can start abusing your internet privlleges.

Have you got clean pants on?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 7:25, Reply)

Don't wear a tie
as the technical types probably won't - BUT take one with you just in case they're weird.

Or start with one on but have somewhere to put it when you take it off.

Probably best to hide somewhere and spy on them going in until you know which way to go.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 7:41, Reply)

Don't get caught wanking into the manager's coffee mug.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 11 Oct 2010, 7:59, Reply)

Phone in sick, its what all the cool kids are doing

( broadsword, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 8:02, Reply)

Piss all around your desk to mark your territory
Good luck
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 8:04, Reply)

Best of luck Gonzy Pops!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 8:06, Reply)

I tell you whats a laugh
take a screenshot of a colleagues desktop, set it as their background, remove their icons, slaughter their kids and rape their wife. Perfect new job ice-breaker.
( broadsword, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 8:11, Reply)

good luck Gonz.
it's considered good form to motorboat any female colleague.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 8:26, Reply)

Good luck Gonz
try not to say 'oh boy oh gosh' every time you meet a hot female colleague.

Try not to joke about AIDS. AIDS apparently isn't funny at the office.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 8:58, Reply)

Did you find that one out the hard way?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 8:58, Reply)

yes.
Seriously. When the office manager said she was pregnant I told her I'd already guessed as she'd been going to the doctor loads; I said it was either that or AIDS.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 9:03, Reply)

and this is why you will be my wife

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 9:16, Reply)

Morning dear!
I also asked the guys in the Apple Store if they had the iPod I wanted in Aids Red. They did not.

In my defence, it was a special red that donated money to the AIDS charity in Africa so I think I was right.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 9:22, Reply)

haha
I spent ages in the Apple store yesterday. Mrs V's parents were down and her mum really wants an iPad, so we had to play with them.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 9:23, Reply)

did it not make you feel a bit ill being surrounded by so many douchebags?
It made my skin itch. So many scarves with tshirts. So many.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 9:32, Reply)

as it was fairly early on a sunday
there weren't that many awful people in there. It was mostly foreigners.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 9:43, Reply)

Good luck El Gonz
Don't put your cock in anyone's coffee.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 8:59, Reply)

Good luck!
Remember to check out the laydeez.
( girlinthehole, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 9:03, Reply)

Best of luck sir!
I hope today goes as well for you as it possibly can.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 9:04, Reply)

Don't be afraid to ask questions.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 9:05, Reply)

Bur remember to rasie your hand first, particularly if you want to go to the toilet.

(Cave Duck, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 9:10, Reply)

make sure to call your boss Mum or Dad

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Oct 2010, 9:17, Reply)