"elective surgery" i think it's called
there's literally loads of things i'd love to have done - smaller nose, bigger mouth, higher cheekbones, chemical peel, tooth veneers etc etc - but i'd be too scared of it going wrong and only having myself to blame!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:23, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Bigger mouth = Moar cock

( girlinthehole, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:24, Reply)

well the current one copes ok , thank you!!
but yeah i might get more offers of cock if i had a massive full pouty glossy lower lip.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Just as horny as ever I see!

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Smaller ego perhaps?

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Oof!

( girlinthehole, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:26, Reply)

you don't need surgery for that
just my romantic history
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Care to elaborate?

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:30, Reply)

no
i) too depressing and ii) everyone on here has heard it a million times before and won't thank me for repeating it. let's just say i am a broken shell of a woman trailing tatters of self-confidence and shattered pieces of heart behind her.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:34, Reply)

But you've got some ace handbaggage

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:34, Reply)

tatters of self-confidence and shattered pieces of heart breadcrumbs
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:35, Reply)

this should not have made me laugh
actually i had a crumpet this morning, does that count?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:37, Reply)

It definitely counts.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:38, Reply)

it was lube-free though
i only had butter, which i hate*. so had to scarf it down completely dry.

* not strictly true but i am telling myself this because it is so fattening
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I have just had toast with extra dark thick cut marmalade
Which reminds me of my favourite insult:

"I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread the other day but then realised it said thick cut"
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:45, Reply)

I saw a thing the other day that said that you absorb less fat when eating dairy products.
It must have been true because they made Alex James send his shit to Holland for analysis. Arf, analysis.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Everyone should have a bit of crumpet in the morning!

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:39, Reply)

This thread is turning into a Carry On film
Circa 1973

rachelswipe is Barbara Windsor AICMFP
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Excellent!
I'm waiting for that bit where she flashes her tits.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:43, Reply)

That makes you Sid James!
I've got to pick between being Bernard Bresslaw or Kenneth Williams...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:44, Reply)

I claim Harry H Corbett

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Heh heh heh heh!

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:46, Reply)

couple of months ago
when i thought the fact that kitchen was dark would be sufficient to hide me from the stupid man who was inexplicably up in the flat opposite at 3am, but i forgot that as soon as i opened the fridge to get a bottle of evian the light would come on.

he probably assumed he was having a nightmare, so it's fine.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Oh matron!

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:49, Reply)

I have probably traumatised several of my girlfriend's over-the-road neighbours
by wandering about in the nude after taking a shower early in the morning when it's still dark, then having to put on the light in the spare bedroom to find where she's hidden my socks.

Not to mention my own next door neighbour who was cutting his grass and must have seen me coming into my living room one day, unclad.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:49, Reply)

This has happened several times
luckily the windows in my new room are frosted over
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:51, Reply)

I had an incident a few years back when I thought we had burglars...
...I crept downstairs stark naked, but armed with a cavalry sword. I didn't find any burglars, but I woke up my then g/f who switched on the landing light just as I was walking past a large window, sans curtains.

The neighbours must have thought we went in for kinky sex.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:51, Reply)

All this accidental exposure
is however worth it because of the pleasing nature of being able to walk around unclothed in one's own house.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Really?
Well hello there.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:38, Reply)

oh hai

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:38, Reply)

But where does one stop?
These days Joan Rivers is one lift away from having a goatee beard.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:27, Reply)

horrific imagery.
well done!
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Yay!

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:31, Reply)

I remember a programme many years ago
One of those 'audience with' type of things, with Dennis Taylor. He used the same joke about Joan Collins. It still makes me laugh, so thanks PJM for reminding me!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I know I'd heard it before...
...but I didn't realise it came from an upside down specs wearing waistcoat afficionado.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:37, Reply)