I cooked myself a lovely stir fry
with fake chicken, mange tout, soy and spicy sauce and thin noodles. It was delicious.

I am drinking flat diet citrus Coke. I am completely unaroused and I am helping my flatmate with the optative mood.

Edit: Swallow. I feel it would rather spoil the mood to go and hawk up into a tissue.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 20:43, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

WTF is fake chicken?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 20:44, Reply)

Lumps of flavoured, textured Quorn.
Surprisingly nice. I prefer it to real chicken.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 20:45, Reply)

I've now realised real chicken is better but quorn has it's place in a curry etc.

( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 20:46, Reply)

Silly Nigella got you back on the wagon, eh?
I prefer bacon to facon. Obvs.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 20:48, Reply)

It's something I've grappled with intellectually for a while now.

( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 20:49, Reply)

Say you don't want to eat anythign with intelligence
The average pig is more intelligent than a dog.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 20:50, Reply)

But dog bacon is nowhere near as tasty

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 20:59, Reply)

If that was the case I'd be roasting chavs by the fire.

( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 20:59, Reply)

How do you know I is not a chav
Innit
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 21:03, Reply)

They tend not to wear GIR hoodies.

( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 21:04, Reply)

I suppose next you'll be telling me chavs don't have degrees or jobs

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 21:05, Reply)

duck

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 20:45, Reply)

Oh!
I see, I originally misread this as a reply about spitting and swallowing. I suppose gargle is also an option
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 20:52, Reply)

Hahahhahhahaha
"Careful love, if that hits your face, it might take your eye out"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 20:55, Reply)

I know I've posted this before, but it bears repeating
"And he came hard in her mouth and his dick jumped around and rattled on her teeth and he blacked out and she took his dick out of her mouth and lifted herself from his face and whipped the pillow away and he gasped and glugged at the air, and he came again so hard that his dick wrenched out of her hand and a shot of it hit him straight in the eye and stung like nothing he'd ever had in there, and he yelled with the pain, but the yell could have been anything, and as she grabbed at his dick, which was leaping around like a shower dropped in an empty bath, she scratched his back deeply with the nails of both hands and he shot three more times, in thick stripes on her chest. Like Zorro."
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 20:56, Reply)

: /

( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 20:57, Reply)

it won the bad sex in literature award
a few years back, it's amazing
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 20:57, Reply)

Where the fuck is that from?!

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 20:59, Reply)

www.guardian.co.uk/books/2005/nov/28/fiction.awardsandprizes
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 21:00, Reply)

"Oh, Lord," he cried out. "I'm a-comin'!"
lol
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 21:03, Reply)

"less of a sauce, more of a glaze"

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 21:06, Reply)

WHAT THE FUCK
And so they made love together in the pouring rain, with Nurse Murray emitting a stream of girlish exclamations which seemed to indicate that she was enjoying herself. "Gosh", "Golly" and, as things moved towards a conclusion, even "Tally ho!"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 21:14, Reply)

I've not read them yet. But here's this years
www.guardian.co.uk/books/2009/nov/19/bad-sex-factor-prize-shortlist?intcmp=239
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 21:17, Reply)

I skimread, and lol'd:
"It is exactly as he imagined it – the hair, the lips, the hole – and he slips his hands under her wasted buttocks and enters her like a fucking pile driver.""
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 21:18, Reply)