He has
it's not him I'm miserable about, it's the boyf/ex. My brain has been sticking it's fingers in it's ears and going LA LA LA for the past few days, and it's hit me this evening that I'm ending a nearly two year relationship with a nice guy who doesn't deserve to have his heart broken.
(berk, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:16, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

this will sound horrible
but it's the truth. No-one deserves to have their heart-broken. They deserve even less to have someone who stays with them to put off the hard decision.

Edit: sorry that sounded unnecessarily harsh. No-one is wrong in the situation. But you obviously don't want to be with him, so don't make it harder on you both
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:18, Reply)

You are the third person to say that to me this evening
And I know it's the truth, it's just hard - when it was good it was great, but it's just not like that any more and I don't think it ever will be.
(berk, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:19, Reply)

then it's time to walk away
don't wait until it's dead and you hate each other. There are few things I regret more than staying with one of my boyfriends because I didn't want to hurt him. By the end I felt guilty for not wanting to be with him, and he got entangled more deeply than he would have if I'd ended it as soon as I knew I didn't want anything more
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:20, Reply)

Listen to this girl - she gives good advice here.

(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:21, Reply)

thanks Poppet :)
it's good advice I think because it has served me well

/says the girl with no boyfriend
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:22, Reply)

No but it's true.
It's better to walk away while you can still have dignity and still care about each other, because it's less painful in the long run, and it's kinder all round.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:26, Reply)

She does
and she's awesome. I just hate myself for hurting him and not being able to make it work.
(berk, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:22, Reply)

I know you hate yourself, and I understand why,
but you cannot "make" anything work if your heart isn't really in it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:27, Reply)

It didn't work for a reason.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:29, Reply)

Because I'm a terrible human being who can't put up with other people's faults?

(berk, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:32, Reply)

Nope you're just human.
everybody is like that to a degree.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:35, Reply)

haha!
You'd be Mother Teresa if you could. Everyone has faults. We tolerate them because we like being with them. When that's gone, we see the faults more clearly.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:36, Reply)

I gave you my full, sensible reply below.
But you ignored it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:36, Reply)

I haven't ignored it at all
I'm just wallowing.
(berk, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:38, Reply)

You've made a decision that'll make you happier in the long run.
You can't make an omlette without cracking a few eggs, and it is lovely you feel bad for upsetting your ex, but YOU have to make yourself happy.

Sad though it is.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:39, Reply)

snap
see berk, great minds think alike :D
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:41, Reply)

And all we need to do now
Is find another mind as great as Amberls.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:42, Reply)

there isn't one*
*contains lies
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:50, Reply)

Don't be daft.
You rock.

(Granted, I wouldn't let you cook for me but....)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:52, Reply)

I could make you noodles!*
*partially burnt noodles, but they still count
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:56, Reply)

I'l sort myself out!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 1:01, Reply)

But what if I've made a mistake?
We were really good together. What if I don't find someone else I can be like that with?
/whine
(berk, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:42, Reply)

well it's your choice
but personally I think you're too young to settle. You have serious doubts or you wouldn't be flirting/wanting someone else in a more than casual way. Is 'good enough' actually what you want?

*boring own life example again* I could have a boyfriend if I wanted. I know that. If I was content for him to be ugly, with an IQ of 40 and BO. It's a question of having the person you want or what you'll agree to have
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:44, Reply)

Okay.
Reality.

Maybe you have. But. And this is the point. You were unhappy, for whatever reason, you were unhappy.

People don't just 'upgrade' the subconscious is always working. For whatever reason, your head was telling you to get out of that relationship, and sad though it maybe, you've done it. You might feel more unhappy now than you did before, but it is done.

I know just how upset I was when I ended my marriage even though it wasn't working and there was no chance of making it work. It is a major life event. It will hurt, even if you've ended it for the right reason.

Don't feel guilty. It is, sadly, life.

If you have made a mistake, you'll get over it. In time. If you haven't, then you'll get over it a lot quicker and you've a lot of fun ahead of you.

We make our own decisions, don't let these decisions depress you.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:46, Reply)

Sensible answer is sensible
especially for you, Jeff. I do know that it's probably for the best, for everyone concerned. I'm still going to be all maudlin and stuff for a while though.
(berk, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:56, Reply)

Hey.
berk - it is the unfortunately part of any relationship.

Feel sad by all means, but don't feel bad. YOU and you alone can make yourself happy and if you think you and the ex had gone the distance, you are to be praised for taking action.

Too many relationship drift with no direction. In the long-term, your ex will think you've done him a favor.

I appreciate it's difficult now though.

So you can do whatever 'Oxford based detective impression' you want.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 13 Nov 2010, 0:19, Reply)