Name that Toon
Had the joy of going on this fabulous CITV program back in the day, with the late Mark Speight (sp?) no less.

We got through to the final where we had to match pictures (or something like that)within a given time to win the 'star prize'

Just about managed this before the time was due, yet they (evil TV people) didnt think so. I was quite surprised when we were told we didnt win. So surprised in fact they had to cut that last part of the show due to my language.

Its a shame, i've never had a chance since to say cunt on TV, let alone CITV.
(Merry, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 13:22, Reply)

I'm on Google street view.
O.K. it's not telly, but it's still awesome for me.
The images are't up yet but look around "The Green" near Millom in south Cumbria and I can bee seen riding a pushbike.
(S.I.M.O.N. wants a piece of your coopcock., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 13:17, Reply)

Wac-a-day
Back in the good ol' days when kids TV was generally ace, I ended up on Wac-a-day, flying kites. Had the mis-fortune to meet Mallet face-to-face, who was a total cnut. Nuff said.
(darfbozo, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 13:13, Reply)

Prizes to be won!
No as much ‘fun’ as you’d imagine. Thanks to the ‘rigged’ draw at school, I never got close to the twins. Picture the scene. Our school have – for some reason I don’t know – been invited to take part in the real-crazy-show-where-anything-goes televisual spectacular that was Fun House.

You know, that kids show with those twins that gave boys of my age ‘confused’ feelings and Pat Sharpe who gave boys of my age the reason to not refuse a trip to the barbers – the mulletted twat.

Anyway, on with the story

The school had to select two contestants for our year to take part. Now, with Fun House offering ‘great prizes’ (Chessington world of adventure family pass anyone?) and the chance to get on the telly, everyone was desperate to take part.

The school held this over our heads for ages, promising that only kids who were well behaved and showed improvement in their studies would be considered. Well there we have it. The school overnight became something a bit weird, as all previous bad behaviour was eradicated, and even the mong kids who were borderline psychotic would go out of their way to contribute to society. Everyone made a massive effort.

Oh, for the chance to meet the twins, anything was achievable.

And herein lies the problem. I didn’t get selected. No, I didn’t get selected and the reasons?

Thanks to my new found attention span and enthusiasm for everything educational, I’d finally reached a degree of potential and my reward for all my hard work? The chance to play for the school football team – not the first team you understand, the reserves.

I didn’t even get to sit in the audience. They were taking kids from the other years for that.

The other reason? Nepotism. Turns out that the son of one of the teachers somehow managed to ‘impress the most’ and they got selected.

And they were shit.

If you are going to do the Fun Kart Grand Prix you are – as a minimum going to get your go-kart out of the garage so you have the chance to navigate the studio without the need for 2 different camera men to fish you out of the walls.

They won, as consolation prizes, bags, t-shirts and fun house jackets.

Perhaps more painful than that, was the fact that after this farce was over, the school had a huge, signed picture of Pat Sharpe in the reception area.

Hang on, this didn’t get me on telly did it? Okay, I was interviewed by Chris Vasher of Bristol’s Points West at Glastonbury a few years ago, I wasn’t a great interviewee, given I was totally spannered and I was fearful my mum would notice my bulging eyes and mouth chewing state and make (largely) correct assumptions about my drug intake.

She did watch it and commented to me ‘It looked cold when you were on the telly, you were shivering and shaking, next year, take more jumpers with you’
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 13:12, Reply)

1996
England had just beaten Spain on Penalties to make the semi fial of Euro 96 and I had watched the game in a pub near Euston with friends. We piled out onto the street and I was taken with the urget to get to Trafalgar Square where I knew the celebrations would be in style.

I got down there and it was heaving, packed with celebrating fans and no hint of trouble at all. I was up on Nelsons column, One arm flung around the guy to my left, my right hand high in the air balancing one can of Stella on top of another and singing 'Football's Coming Home' to the BBC Film crew who were taping us.

The guy to my right ripped his top off and started swinging it above his head while they filmed.

Eventually they moved on and I ran out of beer so started to head home.

I thought nothing else of it until later that day, watching the evening news when I saw footage of people.

Standing on Nelsons column.

And a man ripping his shirt off and swinging it round his head

And to his left...

A hand...holding two cans of Stella.



Fucksocks. I was so close to having a story for this QOTW...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 13:10, Reply)

Twice
Once, in 1991 at Prestwick Airport in Scotland when the first troops were returning from the first Gulf little unpleasantness. General shot of the aircraft door where everyone's coming out and, watching it on TV later at my parents place my Mum shouting "Ed! You're on TV!".

Second time, 2002, I was at a fraud seminar in Manchester, presenting some research that I'd finished recently into the use of socioeconomic data in Bayesian probabilities of fraud in impersonation fraud (dull as a dull thing that's just been made professor of dull at dullshire university). Interviewed by Granada News for the local NW news and also in their general shot, it was me on the little raised stage / dais at the front.

Not very interesting, I know. Sorry.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 13:09, 2 replies)

Not quite 'on' telly but...
...was backstage at Radio 1's One Big Weekend in Swindon couple weeks ago, and a mate and I were watching Jo 'if I play it, Mobi will definately hate it' Wiley trying to do a piece to camera. Me and my friend were standing directly in her eyeline, and doing nothing but grinning at her... which had the net effect of reducing her to giggles half way through every take...
(mobi I completed the Internet on 'hard'. Twice., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 13:05, Reply)

Gazzetta Football Italia (not)
I studied and worked for a year in Italy back in the 1990s and used to pop down to Genoa regularly to watch the eponymous football team (which is the oldest in Italy).

A couple of years later, back in the UK, I was in a pub in the West End when some people walked in, all wearing Genoa scarves - the side was playing at Wembley the next day in the final of the Anglo-Italian Cup. Obviously, I got chatting to them and I should mention that I was a little the worse for wear.

They dragged me down to Piccadilly Circus, where all of the fans were meeting up at a certain time, then plonked me in front of an Italian TV crew so they could get a view on the following day's match from this mad Scotsman who lived in London and was somehow a Genoa fan (the 'somehow' being that I'd had a great time there during the 1990 World Cup).

Went to Wembley the next day, good day out, then a couple of weeks later I received a parcel through the post including a video of my interview - it was clear that I'd had a couple, although personally I think that improved my Italian.

A few years after that, I went over to Genoa to watch the local derby against Sampdoria, again I got collared by a film crew (I think being six foot one and blond means I look a bit different from the typical Italian football fan) and again I gave a good account of myself, despite having been on the birra. Never got to see the vidoetape of that one, though.

If they draw an English team in the Europa League (ex-UEFA Cup) next season, I might have to go for the hat-trick :o)

Lunghezza? Quarantacinque secondi.
(Capo, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 13:04, Reply)

Committee capers
As part of my job as a financial(ish) reporter, I get to go to fun things like the recent Treasury Select Committee meetings. I was there to watch McFall and his chums takes huge bites out of various bank bigwigs for letting the UK banking system tear itself apart. It was going to be fun.

The Committee meeting room is kitted out with television and stills cameras so that the proceedings can be transmitted without having to squeeze cameramen into what is really quite a small room. An excellent chance to get on TV you would have thought – but the fact that the place is normally packed to the rafters with journalists and I am not the tallest person in the world combined to rob me of any possible telly fame.

That was, until the end of the session with UKFI, when loads of the journos buggered off to cover some other story. Result!, thinks me, I'll shuffle along until I'm directly behind the interviewees and get my mug on the box.

And lo!, upon returning to the office, I discovered that the cameras had kind of caught me, and the arm of my shirt was in a video on the BBC website! (Second video on this page, top right corner, 1:26-1:29, white/blue shirt rolled up to the elbow, if you're some kind of freaky stalker.)

Flushed with fame, I immediately emailed everyone I knew and reveled in my newfound glory.

But of course, this QOTW is about TV, not Teh IntaRwebs.

Got home – still feeling like I've scored the winning goal in the World Cup – and dance around the kitchen making dinner for myself and my special ladyfriend while she watches the news.

'Quick!', she cried, 'they're showing the footage from the meeting on the news, perhaps you'll be on TV!'

I rushed in from the kitchen and held my breath as for five minutes the footage dodged around me, showing everyone else in the audience. I knew I was going to be on - I had to be. Then, just as the interviewee was finishing his sentence, the camera panned up slightly... Yes, this was it...come on....and revealed my shiny, shiny bald spot, glinting like a freshly minted meatcoin.

Yup, the moment the cameras were on me, I'd bent down to get something out of my bag.

Fucking genius.

/sobs

Apologies for length, it's no bigger than my disappointment.
(SimianKid internet faffer, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:56, 1 reply)

I appeared on Channel 5's "Night Fever"
I was selected (by raffle ticket) before filming to be one of the "random" karaoke contestants. I had to sing along to S Club's "Reach for the stars". They'd tanked us up on loads of alcohol in the practice room beforehand.

I didn't win.
(ricky_darkholer is blonde on the inside, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:54, Reply)

Channel 5 news
A few years ago, Ch 5 news were running an item on eBay, as it was getting really popular with the chavs. As I'd already done a few radio interviews about being an eBay trader, I stupidly volunteerd to be interviewed for the evening bulletin.

Not only did I look like a complete minger, I also sounded like a stuck-up tool, and the house looked like a shitheap.

If I ever become famous, it is the one clip that will haunt me.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:50, Reply)

Sort of...
Quite a few years ago I was in Sarajavo, Bosnia when the current PM, John 'interesting' Major, flew in and was going to grace our dull lives and rally the troops. Lovely....
A couple of us chaps were volunteered to help out with the proceedings. We were told that the Press (bless 'em with sticks) would be in the bar and that that we would play a natural game of pool as if everything is all fluffly, whilst the PM spoke to some General Melchett. The Press would lap this up and film away, showing that everyone was enjoying the situation.
So there we were. A big long line of the worlds Press, a couple of squaddies play pool and the PM nattering on with the Stephen Fry type person (I think I did hear a 'Meerrrrhhh!' But no reference to Captain Blackadder).
So we got into the game a bit and started to ignore the rather surreal setting, then my oppo does a classic shot and puts the cue ball in a real awkward spot. I looked at where it was and realised that I was going to have a bit of a job of getting to it. I now had the choice of shifting the PM and MelchiePoos out of the way with a swipe of my cue (which WAS tempting, but the military take a dim view of this sort of thing for some reason) or... I could walk along the front of the line of the worlds Press and totally bugger up their job.

They know some really naughty words and they were all aimed at me :)
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:45, Reply)

News at 10!
Years ago when Bath first faced Bristol for the title the rugby was covered on the news at 10 (though I wonder if perhaps just htv news, was it that big then?). I'd gone to see it with my Dad, Granddad and brother. I remember turning up to school on Monday only to have a few teachers mention they'd seen me on the telly.

Apparently, there was a report on Bath's first title win, and how there was almost no trouble. Cue pictures of me and my brother sitting on some sort of fence, me knocking his cap off, and then pushing him off when he tried to get it. Repeat loads as it was a great game, at least until he hit me.
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:43, Reply)

I've never been on television.
And I'll tell you why. Everything you see and hear on television, EVERY SINGLE THING, is presented to you in a very particular way to create a sense of meaning or occasion that simply does not exist. You are entirely at the whim of the executive producer who, if he wants to make you look like a complete fucking idiot, can and will. Even if all you did was do a random vox pop in the street.

Every aspect of every single show you have ever seen has been considered thoroughly to create or reflect a certain ideology that goes with the show, that more often than not is decided by just one or two people.

Put simply, I have never been on TV because I just don't trust the bastards. That's why I now work as an editor. I want to be on the winning side. I know this isn't exactly answering the question of the week, but I felt the need to chip in regardless.








Oh, go on then. I was once in the background of a Granada tonight report, falling flat on my face at altrincham ice rink and generally making a tit of myself. It hurt like fuck, and I looked like a tosser. Happy now?
( PMGT -Bacon., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:41, 4 replies)

I was on the news once..
I was asked by my PhD supervisor to be on Look North (Local BBC news programme) to talk about video games, and the research courses at the uni and such. I did an interview which lasted about 20 minutes when I extolled the virtues of the future of video games, and the importance of AI research in being able to acheive believable in game characters, etc. The cunts used 2 seconds of me saying "Adaptive gameplay is important Becau..", then showed footage of me playing a game...

I had an issue with the game, but it was the only one BBC had license to broadcast on the news...

The fucking Little Britain game.

As anyone who knows games will tell you, this is one of the most ill-recieved pieces of shite to ever grace consoles/PCs.

The shame.. :(

Length? 2 seconds before I was rudely cut off.

EDIT: If you want to know how bad this game was:
www.metacritic.com/games/platforms/ps2/littlebritainthevideogame

*Sigh*
(Lythium deals in lead, my friend., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:40, Reply)

I've been inside a TV...
In the bar she said she was Stella, had a massive set of melons too...

But by the time I got her back to the hotel room and undressed she admitted her name was Paul, and her melons were, well, melons - they rolled across the bed and hit the floor with a dull thud.

Still, once I had this tranny in position, it would've been rude not to indulge in a spot of the French arts...

Once you get past the hairy arsehole dilemma its plain sailing to Spunktown, (you've just got to be aware of the inherent dangers of razor stubble on your ball bag when s/he gives you head with the tenderness and care of a bricky scoffing down a fried breakfast...)
( SpankyHanky, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:34, 3 replies)

Countdown
I may have mentioned this before but I was on an episode of Countdown late last year and got the word "Poofter" on the telly. Gave Carol a chuckle and Des a bit of a squirm (he didn't look too happy at the selection of letters on the board).

I am slacking though, I have yet to get it sorted and put up on YouTube.
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:31, 7 replies)

Pearoast from last week. :-D
Slightly edited to focus more on this week's question rather than last week's. And with added YAY.

I got to go to Glastobury 2000 (the dry year) for the price of a telephone call - YAY!

There I was, 21 years old sat at home watching The Priory hosted by Jamie Theakston and Zoe Ball, guest starring Kylie Minogue when the weekly competition appears on screen: identify the reason the person was famous. Easy, thinks I: it was the chappie who reads out the footballs scores of a weekend. I knew this because he'd appeared on a programme not less than a week before.

Verily I dialled the number and chirpily gave my answer to the friendly lady at the other end of the line, who sounded incredulous I knew, and so asked. I told her what I've just told you. She took my details and within the hour I was watching the rest of the show when teeny, tiny Kylie reads my name out (and pronounced it correctly to boot) as the excitable winner of a free pair of glorious Glasto tickets! YAY!

The only festival I've ever been to and I didn't have to pay! Plus, Kylie read my name out on national television! YAY!
(Sahara Desert http://www.twitter.com/thesaharadesert for swears, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:27, 2 replies)

Not getting on the News
I've done the Blue Peter Dog Sex story more times than is healthy on these pages. So, time for something else.

Not getting on the News

I'm a fair-weather football fan. So, when Reading got to the play-off finals I was there, outside the ground, lining up for my ticket to Wembley so that I might bask in reflected glory.

There were THOUSANDS of us outside the box office in a line snaking down the street, and I'll wager than 90% of us hadn't seen the inside of a football ground since the last play-off failure. Naturally, this was a big media event, and they sent cameras, reporters and big satellite trucks to catch the mood.

It wasn't long before I found a microphone thrust in my face and TV's M*** B****** jumped in with a probing line of questions.

"So, are you queuing for tickets then?"

"Christ – this isn't the Harrods Sale, then?"

"No, really. Are you queuing for tickets?"

"I'm standing outside a football ground, beneath a sign that reads 'Wembley Tickets THIS WAY'. What do you think?"

He stood there contemplating my response, making a sucking noise with his teeth. Realising he was onto a loser, he moved on to the next victim.

"So, are you queuing for tickets then?"

"What? So where does the Park and Ride stop?"

Neither of us got on the news.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:27, Reply)

It was my 10th birthday
and I'd invited my closest friends to Chessington world of adventures to go on the rides and generally piss about. Having made the hour and a half journey, we discovered that they close all the rides in the winter, but the zoo part was open still. So we went mooching round when we discovered that filming was going on for a new tv show...


Sadly, telling him that it was my birthday couldn't make him reveal his claw hand, but he gave me a fiver and let me be a contestant in the show.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:25, 16 replies)

Well
I've been on Tv loads of times.

but it was in Curry's and i was quickly escorted out.

I'm sorry
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:21, Reply)

CCTV all day everyday
*dons tinfoil hat*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:19, Reply)

swap shop
Yey I was on swap shop and asked leo sayer a question

Jealous?
(dolly gobshite, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:18, 1 reply)

7th?
You can usually see me waving in the background whenever something is going down at the old bailey... I'm the one trying to look serious and also excited at the prospect of being on the telly! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:17, Reply)

4th?
don't think I've ever been on TV though...
(Balue Free From Tetanus, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:16, Reply)

ireland 2006
me and a mate were on holiday in ireland seeing his family,

wandering through the square in ballyshannon (could have been bundoran) fuck knows!!


anyway, mary macaleese, future bigjob in the irish parliment is on TV doing an interview, who is in the background walking past screaming 'oi conor, where the fuck are we???'

that's right, muggins

live on the news.

awesome
(Captain Benzo Panda fighting, live on tuesdays., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:15, Reply)

Third
?
(hutchers, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:15, Reply)

Well, there was that one time on crimewatch...

( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:13, 1 reply)

Yay
First

I got horribly drunk at live 8 and pushed a little kid out of the way while he was beng interview for the bbc and managed to drunkenly scream my way through the rest of the interview.

Ohh and i was on sky sports news when brentford won the league and ended up signing football songs at the camera due to drink
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:10, Reply)