Come on then. Explain the offside rule.
My dad, bless him, used to get frustrated as fuck trying to do this to me.
I also had problems understanding the clocks going backwards and forwards thing, but that's a whole other ball game...
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 25 Nov 2009, 15:09, 14 replies)

Easy
If a player is between the opposing defenders and the goalkeeper before the ball is passed to him, he is offside
(Margatemug, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 15:15, closed)

What's the problem with that?
Surely you can be anywhere on the pitch to score.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 25 Nov 2009, 15:18, closed)

It stops "goal hanging"
and makes the teams pass the ball and work as a team to gain ground, rather than just leave a couple of players in the goal mouth and hoof the ball up to them.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 15:25, closed)

This might help...
In preparation for the World Cup, the "offside rule" explained for women:
You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.

She prepares to throw her purse to you.

If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes!

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and "whilst it is in flight" you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes!

BUT, you must always remember that until the purse has "actually been thrown", it would be plain wrong for you to be in front of the other shopper and you would be OFFSIDE!
( TheFinch is getting to grips with the complex plane on, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 15:15, closed)

Great explaination
However one flaw...

It assumes that both women can either throw or catch
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 16:12, closed)

both
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 16:23, closed)

Tut Tut
Lets not be sexist.

;)
( TheFinch is getting to grips with the complex plane on, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 17:25, closed)

That explanation
IS FUCKING AWESOME!

Of course all women will now understand - it has shoes and everything!
( snee held his breath since, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 16:20, closed)

the single greatest explanation of the century

( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 9:38, closed)

She could stand inf ront of the other shopper
as long as she wasn't interferring in shopping
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 10:38, closed)

The easiest way to understand the offside rule
is to understand why it exists. Without it, players would just hang around the opposing goal and wait for the ball.
(lolwhites, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 15:26, closed)

Offside
is what the Southampton players do everytime I go and see them play. I think they think the object of the game is to see how many times they can get the linesman to raise his flag, and then try and beat that figure for the next game. Goals? I'd be so lucky.
(Ramjet, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 16:34, closed)

Is that the one nearest the kerb?
I can never remember which side is offside and which is nearside.
(Honourable Member is upstanding, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 21:48, closed)

My brother never understood the offside rule
once, when a mere ten year old, he got flagged once to often and spun round and called the ref a "cheating, ginger bastard".

He got sent off, unsurprisingly
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 10:39, closed)