women
Soft and aesthetically bumpy as they may be, why can't women learn to speak sentences that actually mean what they say? A man needs a lifetime of practice to translate a woman's words.

"It's hot isn't it?" actually means "I'd like you to buy me an ice cream, but I want you to offer rather than being asked. And get it with your own money."

"Did you enjoy the party yesterday?" really means "I saw you looking at that girl with the long black hair and if you say 'yes' it means you fancied her and that's why you enjoyed the party."

"It's still quite early isn't it?" really means "I want you to offer to take me to a restaurant tonight at your own expense as a gesture of love."

And if a man doesn't get the gist of these Delphic questions at the first try, he's insensitive and doesn't understand women. He should know what she wants before she speaks - the question itself is the last straw.

Nor is a man saved by his own linguistic simplicity. If he says "Are you going to eat that last sausage?" he will be met with the irritated question "WHY?" It's a yes or no question! Do you want the sausage or not? In HER mind, the question implies that she's fat and that she shouldn't eat that sausage because you'll stop loving her when she's fat. It's your fault for putting that sausage on her plate AND for taking it off.

Wish I was gay.
(frankspencer, Wed 7 May 2008, 15:37, 27 replies)

Er...
With the sausage situation, what if she's already fat?
( Cawl, Wed 7 May 2008, 15:39, closed)

Kaol
A woman is never fat. That's the first rule. Excise the F-word from your vocabulary forever and replace it with 'beautiful'.
(frankspencer, Wed 7 May 2008, 15:41, closed)

Haha!
What! don't tell me even you don't understand women.
( girlinthehole, Wed 7 May 2008, 15:41, closed)

Not so much fat as "Reubenesque"

( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 7 May 2008, 15:43, closed)

"Mr. Udall, how do you write women so well?"
"I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability."

One of my favorite quotes of all time.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 7 May 2008, 15:44, closed)

Mr Mrs is totally perfect in every way.
But once a month, the blood fairies infect her brain, and she turns into a homicidal lunatic.

Just thought I'd share.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 7 May 2008, 15:44, closed)

Ah...
That's where I've been going wrong...

"Kaol, do I look alright?"

"Er... A little on the fat side maybe. OK though."

*door slams*
( Cawl, Wed 7 May 2008, 15:44, closed)

Women, can't live with 'em...
don't.
( ..wil, Wed 7 May 2008, 15:46, closed)

I say what I mean and mean what I say
I'm not denying that women do what you've described, I'm debating whether it's a female thing.

One of my biggest peeves is people assuming I act like those fucking idiots who think that it's okay to be irrational, the accepting by peers of this as a norm and the fact that I'm made to sound like a militant feminist everytime someone decides its the best way of approaching me if I dare to try and correct them.
Women aren't irrational- a LOT of women are irrational, and that's overwhelmingly societal norms not genetic makeup.
( Jessie © needs pirate name suggestions, Wed 7 May 2008, 15:49, closed)

^^this^^

There's a word for women (or men) who expect gestures of love to be demonstrated by a financial transaction.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Wed 7 May 2008, 15:57, closed)

Men!
Why can't they tell you what's on their minds. We need to know what your thinking or feeling to help us build a better relationship. Why is it sooooo difficult for them to realize when they've found someone who won't go crazy for no reason and thus they can tell us like it is. It's always bloody guess work and having to wheedle information out of them like their feckin children.
( girlinthehole, Wed 7 May 2008, 15:58, closed)

No Jessie
Nothing wrong with being rational... in fact, it's craved.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 7 May 2008, 15:59, closed)

Because when we keep asking for blow jobs
you think we've got one track minds!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 7 May 2008, 15:59, closed)

Um
So ARE you going to eat that last sausage?

*eyes last sausage*
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Wed 7 May 2008, 16:00, closed)

Blouse
There's very little going on in our minds to wheedle out. One time, I was lying in bed with the missus after some coitus and she asked me dreamily what I was thinking about. Answer?

"Wouldn't it be cool if you could push a TV out of a moving car and film it disintegrating in slow motion?"

She knows not to ask now. If a man has food and sex, he's happy.
(frankspencer, Wed 7 May 2008, 16:06, closed)

We do tell you what's on our minds.
The problem is that what's on our minds is not necessarily something emotional or having to do with the relationship- at any given moment I might be thinking about how to generate infrasound, when the last time was I went sailing, whether or not I need to go buy milk for my coffee, trying to remember where I left my glasses, or any of a thousand other things that wouldn't interest you or anyone else. When pestered about how we feel about the relationship we'll answer, but really we most likely haven't given it much thought up to that point.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 7 May 2008, 16:12, closed)

Frank and Resident Loon
I often think such benign and random thoughts.

Surely women do, too? I mean, they can't spend all their thoughts on the high-end emotional thoughts they seem to expect from us.. can they?
( Thinker, Wed 7 May 2008, 16:16, closed)

^ Loon
I meant that. Men won't talk about stuff like relationships. Women have crap on their minds also but guys just hate to discuss anything to do with relationships. Their either frightened of saying the wrong thing or they know the truth will get them into trouble.

Why do we have to pester, (your word), you to get any response.
( girlinthehole, Wed 7 May 2008, 16:16, closed)

Men
I think men (if they are intelligent) are quite able to talk about relationships. If they don't, it probably means they don't want to. I'm pretty sure that many men don't even think in terms of relationships. A relationship to them is the space between shags, and even men in long-term relationships are afraid to consider marriage because it ties them to a lifetime acceptance of relationship. Solution - find a man who's articulate and intelligent and honest enough to speak to you. And give him your sausage when he asks.
(frankspencer, Wed 7 May 2008, 16:25, closed)

I'll tell you why.
If a woman asks a man something about their relationship and he gives a simple and direct answer, often she'll take it and run with it, spinning all kinds of meanings into what he said. God help a man who doesn't phrase it exactly right. He'll be hearing about it for the rest of the relationship.

Also, the timing is vital here. Have we just had sex? Then I'm going to be tired and sleepy and not want to talk. Is it late and we've just gone to bed? Same thing. Am I watching something on TV or in the middle of doing something? Not a good time to get into a relationship discussion. Are we at dinner in a restaurant? No, I am NOT going to do this in public.

And those are typically when women want to have such talks.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 7 May 2008, 16:25, closed)

Ok! If Frankspencer and the Loon....
Two men who I think are sensible, funny and reasonable males don't like talking about relationships then were all doomed.

Doooooooomed!
( girlinthehole, Wed 7 May 2008, 17:06, closed)

I never said
I don't talk about relationships...
(frankspencer, Wed 7 May 2008, 17:07, closed)

I'm willing to talk about them.
It's just a matter of timing and not reading stuff into my words.

Very damn few women can manage that.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 7 May 2008, 17:13, closed)

MEN
Listen up. There is a contraceptive injection called Depo Provera. If you can get your lady to take it, it entails one injection every 11 weeks. I have not had a period for 4 years, I do not get grumpy for anything other than rational reasons, and my life is all round mood swing free.


TRY IT!!!
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 7 May 2008, 17:49, closed)

Most problems in relationships are caused by a lack of communication.
Women talk too much about stuff and men don't want to talk at all. The trick is meeting in the middle.

This advice doesn't come from my experience of being in long lasting relationships as the longest relationship I've ever had lasted 9 months and that was an open one. This is gleaned from years and years of watching bloody men and women I know fuck up big time because they just won't have reasonable, discussions on their lives together.


Makes my blood boil.
( girlinthehole, Wed 7 May 2008, 18:24, closed)

Straight people have open relationships!?
Who knew...
( ..wil, Thu 8 May 2008, 9:21, closed)

relationships
My pennorth - most relationships are pathological in some way, and many begin to break up from the moment they begin because the two people are incompatible. It takes two people who are able and willing to communicate from the outset, though it might take a long time to reach a point where that's possible. Staying together for sex or convenience is always a mistake. And it's a case of being two individuals together, rather than two people submitting their individuality to be together.
(frankspencer, Thu 8 May 2008, 10:34, closed)