Rather appropriate topic...
...given my current situation.

I'm a bloke, near mid 30's, my girlf is White (I'm Indian) and I've experienced prejudice from my own family. Ever since they knew about this relationship (she and I love each other very much and want to get married someday), they've used a lot of emotional blackmail and have basically said that I have to choose between all of them and my woman.

To be completely honest, this is the best relationship I've ever been in, I'm completely accepted & loved unconditionally by her and I've totally found my soulmate, so I decided that I wasn't going to give her up and am going to have a future with her. So it looks like now I won't be welcome in the family home (I have to find a place to move to), my family have said straight up they'll never accept this relationship and I'm pretty much cast out. What makes it worse is that my sister is due to drop a sprog any day now and there's a good chance I may not get to see it. All because I fell in love with "the wrong person". Isn't life great?! :o)

Apologies for lack of lol's, I've had a bit of a hard week and needed to vent. To all those of you who are in mixed relationships, I wish you all the best and hope that you don't have to go through this crap like we are currently going through!!
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Sat 3 Apr 2010, 19:18, 21 replies)

Good for you
and hang on in there. I have a feeling that once they realise you aren't going to give her up they may relent. Good luck mate, I hope things work out for you both.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Sat 3 Apr 2010, 19:37, closed)

Been there
Done that - from the other side - just hang in there and it'll all work itself out. Just stressful at the moment, but it will calm down
( starsnip, Sat 3 Apr 2010, 19:49, closed)

Your predicament is one I can understand
to a greater or lesser degree. My own situation is slightly different, inasmuch I am your approximately typical Englishman (smart, handsome, intelligent, well-balanced, full of humilty etc) whereas the other half is what is colloquially known as an "American". The upshot of this is that whilst I am perpetually in emotional clover, my family see my other half as an ill-educated, lackadaisical, money-grabbing whore, which is, of course, at least 97% untrue. That said, I've never been enormously close to my nuclear and I have come to the realisation that it is they who suffer more from my decision to move to more bountiful pastures, not I. It is probably glib to ask if your family want to see you happy, because such questions are never so straight-forward; plus I've always been in the fortunate postion that my folks have always recognised, to a certain extent, that it is my choice to go where I please, even if they *do* think my choice is a really stupid one. They are entitled to their opinion, and I am entitled to ignore it. Probably means I won't get to inherit the house, but such things.

Happy days...
(nd1001 slamdunked my funk, Sat 3 Apr 2010, 19:57, closed)

The sad thing is that I've had this sort of stuff thrown at me before by my family whenever I've done something they don't approve of and I've caved. This time, though, I am absolutely resolute in my decision and am willing myself to be stronger but it can be tough when your mother starts to cry and wail about how you're trampling on her dreams and so forth. I am very thankful that my girlf is incredibly supportive and understanding, otherwise I'd end up a wreck!

nd1001, that sucks that your folks have such a ridiculous view of your other half. My folks have a particular image (not a very nice one) in their heads about white people and it drives me nuts when they use that as the basis for their argument as my girlf is FAR from those things that they believe and they are being very stupid for writing her off before they've even met her. Trying to stay calm is frustrating in itself!!!
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Sat 3 Apr 2010, 20:11, closed)

Ugh have to admit I hate the emotional blackmail parents try to put on you - it's unfair of parents to blame you for 'shattering their dreams' - they shouldn't be having children so they can dictate their lives to them...but what do I know?
I've already upset my mother by not doing the 'get married and have kids' thing, but it's just something she has to deal with.
Are her family accepting of you?
(Beklet is inexplicably angry, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 10:43, closed)

Luckily for me, her family are very accepting and are very eager to meet the man who has put an incredibly huge smile on their daughter's face. They've seen the heartache she's been through in her life due to other blokes and now that their little girl has finally found someone who makes her incredibly happy, they're over the moon for her. Sadly, the same cannot be said about my family at all.

After all this that we're going through, I know for a fact that I will never put my kids through this sort of thing. For me, as long as they become decent people and find happiness, I will support them all the way, no matter what other people may have to say.
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 10:52, closed)

"This time, though, I am absolutely resolute in my decision and am willing myself to be stronger but it can be tough when your mother starts to cry and wail about how you're trampling on her dreams and so forth"

Ah, the classic Asian-mother-guilt-trip. If you truly loved your mother you'd want her to be happy so would stop dating the white girl and find yourself a nice Indian. But because you're choosing your own happiness, that makes you a bad son etc.
(ToysForBigBoys would spread her legs for Nick Clegg., Tue 6 Apr 2010, 11:49, closed)

My bird's mate Seeta
married a white boy.
Went through some pretty dodgy stuff before the wedding including being kidnapped by her brothers who wanted to take her to India for an arranged marriage but couldn't anyway as she had hidden her passport. Her family disowned her for several years but eventually came round and started to see her, hubby and the kids. Apparently they like hubby now as he is "very honest".
Then it all went pair-shaped again because she helped her sister who had just offended the family...

Best of luck!
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Sat 3 Apr 2010, 21:08, closed)

Hrd luck
and all the best. It's their failing, not yours.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sat 3 Apr 2010, 21:48, closed)

Sounds like she's more than worth the heartache.
Stick to your guns. You'll only regret it if you don't.

Hopefully your family might one day see the error of judgement they've made.

Good luck :o)
( sir_spicious2000 Crap I've watched: www.filmplop.blogspot.com/, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 0:47, closed)

Good luck to you and your girl
Could you talk to your sister and see how she feels about her baby missing out on knowing Uncle RVD420? Appeal to her hormonal self!
(Mrs Ballunatic counting calories, not votes., Sun 4 Apr 2010, 8:21, closed)

Thanks everyone
Very kind words from you all, it really means a lot to me! :o) I know that I have to stay strong in order for this to work and for us to lead the lives that we want to, though that doesn't mean I'm necessarily looking forward to going through all this! I've found an online community that helps people in my situation and the support my girlf and I have found from them has been really helpful, I honestly do not know how we'd cope otherwise.

As for appealing to my sister's hormonal self with regards to seeing my niece/nephew, that would only feel like emotional manipulation and I really do not want to be doing anything of the sort to anyone else. It's bad enough my family are doing it to me, I'm not going to take a page out of their book and do the same thing. If the best thing overall is for me to "bow out" and not be so involved in the family, then so be it. It kinda makes me laugh when they say that they're only looking out for me and my happiness, yet their very actions are making me anything but!! Families...can't live with 'em, can't (legally) dismember 'em and stick 'em in the freezer!!

Fingers crossed it all works out for the best!
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 10:48, closed)

Good luck!
Stick with it and if you mean all that much to your family, they'll come round.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sun 4 Apr 2010, 12:08, closed)

Be strong, my friend!
It always amazes me how downright racist some Asian families can be without even realising it. If a white family rejected their child's choice of partner because they were of Indian origin, there would be no hesitation from anyone to call them racists. But for some weird reason there's less uproar when it's the other way round.

I am happy to hear that you want to break free of that whole "do it to please my parents" thing. I know someone - a woman of Tunisian origin - whose husband is violent. She wants a divorce - but HER PARENTS are against the idea of divorce because "it will bring shame upon the family"! FFS - she needs to tell her mum where to stick it. If her mum wants to endure beatings then that's her choice - but she has no right to tell her daughter what to do with her own life.

I hope your family will eventually learn to see that you are an adult and you have the right to choose whichever partner you wish. I understand it's infinitely harder for gay Asians...
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 12:53, closed)

Cheers dude
It always amazes me how some people feel you should put up with all manner of crap in the name of "Honour". Don't get me started on it as I'll have a right old rant about it, suffice to say that my views are completely different to what most people in the Asian/Indian community have, which is why I sometimes feel like a bit of an outsider. I live for the day when everyone can break free from this way of thinking and can make their own independent life choices without having to put up with shit from people.

I do feel sorry for your matey, I only hope that she's been able to break free from this shitty situation and make a better life for herself. Everyone deserves happiness, no one should be going through unnecessary pain and suffering.
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 15:35, closed)

Maybe in time...
my views are completely different to what most people in the Asian/Indian community have

Well, the hope is that once YOUR generation grows to the same age as your parents' generation now - then the prevailing attitudes will have changed. Then your parents' generation will be the OAPs, and will have a lot less power and influence.
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 17:40, closed)

That is the hope, dude....
...though it really all depends on how strong my generation is in maintaining their own opinions and viewpoints in the face of opposition.
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Mon 5 Apr 2010, 21:07, closed)

Sometimes, you just have to say 'fuck you' and move on.
Spoken as a fellow coconut (assuming that people even say that anymore - I'm a little out of touch, and perhaps it shows..).

Your life is yours to live; sometimes you have a choice between abandoning those you love, or letting them smother you. Literally or figuratively, the damage will follow if you let it.

Good luck.
(Mr. W. K. Kellogg's Anusol Flakes (TM) is the other Special K, Sun 4 Apr 2010, 21:04, closed)

Thanks mate
And I've also used that term to describe myself, so you're not out of touch. :o)
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Mon 5 Apr 2010, 21:06, closed)

not quite the same.....
but a few years ago I came out and left my soon-to-be husband, and the majority of my family (particularly the older ones) disowned me.

My family are very traditional, some of them very religious. The majority of the men are military types, and the majority of the wives are 'do as your man tells you' types.

My family told me numerous times if I refused to do 'the right thing' and went ahead with the whole living my life the way I wanted to approach I would lose them, and they were true to their word. For a while anyway.

7 years on I my relationship with my dad is the best it's ever been, and whilst I'm not as close as I was to everyone else we do at least talk, and things are a lot better.

Stick with it mate, they will come round eventually.

It's your life, you gotta do whatever it takes to make you happy.

Props to your girlf for helping you through it, she defo sounds like a keeper.

Good luck. :)
(flyme, Tue 6 Apr 2010, 12:49, closed)

Thanks for the kind words
and you are absolutely right, my girl is definitely a keeper and I am never letting her go!! :o)
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Tue 6 Apr 2010, 23:37, closed)