Bailffs - what bastards.
In one of my jobs I often overheard the bailiffs making intimidating phone calls to the daft sods who'd defaulted.

OK, it's better to stay out of debt in the first place, blah blah blah, but telling someone over the phone that you're on the way round to seize their car or other goods 'so it would be better for you if you have the cash ready' without first ensuring that you're talking to the actual debtor is irresponsible.

Also, the bailiffs would enter a home or workplace and help themselves to the debtor's property, boxes full of it, until they felt they'd covered the debt. Then they'd flog the boxes off at 10-20 quid each to their neighbours. CDs, china, ipods, whatever, all at knock-down prices.

I've never had bailiffs after me personally but they did used to come to my house after the previous owners. I'd prove that it was now my house and they'd politely thank me and leave. Bet they were RIGHT pissed off.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:32, 22 replies)

always remember (for residential properties only)
you DO NOT have to let them in, whatever they tell you. it is all bullshit, they need to go to court, which takes a while!

BUT. once you have let them in the first time, they are entitled to come back.

/friendly lawyer blog
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:35, closed)

I assume...
.. that the coming back part relates to the same debt rather than to collecting for an unrelated debt.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:38, closed)

yup!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:57, closed)

a bit like vampires then?

(Nanny Pat vote for me, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:39, closed)

nah
vampires suck less blood
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:57, closed)

Are you
married to a lawyer?
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:50, closed)

horrifically
i AM one.

that is why i am not married.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:56, closed)

I think she is one.
Run!

Edit - beaten to it, and so now I just look foolish. No change there then.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Thu 27 May 2010, 16:57, closed)

She took my piss-poor sexist wind-up
on the chin, fair play to her.

She'll probably bill me £200 for answering my question...
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 27 May 2010, 17:04, closed)

That can't have taken..
.. the full 5 minutes, can it? Maybe there's a minimum charge.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Thu 27 May 2010, 17:15, closed)

actually
i am £375 plus vat and disbursements per hour. minimum charge = 1 hour.

as your comment was so mean, the disbursements total £1,000 of tissues and paracetamol.

so that'll be £1,615.63 please.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 May 2010, 17:21, closed)

I prefer
the idea of you being a vampire, or some hybrid lawyer-vampire.
Money AND blood. Total win.


I've had too much sugar...... sorry.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 27 May 2010, 17:33, closed)

£375 ph??
*enrolls at law school
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 27 May 2010, 17:40, closed)

haha yeah right
like i get to keep that amount!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 May 2010, 17:48, closed)

You'll have to send the bailiffs round for that
I won't let them in of course.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 27 May 2010, 18:39, closed)

I thought that you *cough* people *cough*
worked in units of 6 minutes....?
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 0:11, closed)

The fact that they can't gain entry
is one of the reasons they are a waste of space. I'll never throw any more of my good money chasing after the bad by instructing a bailiff again, I might as well get my little sister to go round and ask nicely if I can have the money I'm owed.
She'd get told to fuck off, just like the bailiff, who just shrugs his shoulders and says that the debtor hasn't got anything worth taking. And? So? Keep taking EVERYTHING they DO have then, you useless cunt, until they decide they will cough up the money they owe, or the debt is paid, fuck 'em. I've yet to see somewhere properly cleared out by a bailiff, they only bother looking for plasma tellies and a nice car.

Incidentally, I believe that when bailiffs seize goods, they work on the principle that they will get 20% of the RRP of an item when they sell it off. Hence they need to take a lot of i-pods, leather sofas etc to collect a £2000 debt.

Never bother with County Court, or bailiffs, the only people that works with is people who are basically honest - they get the judgement, or the bailiff calling, and they shit themself and sell their soul to pay up.

Scumbag shiteaters who make a lifestyle out of not paying their bills just stick their fingers up to the legal processes, they know they can wriggle out of paying or having any of their stuff taken. This is why I do my own debt collecting now with Mr Browning, it has an astonishingly high success rate.

Bailiffs only work through duping and bluffing their way in, which, as I say, only works on the vulnerable, or people who really are terminally skint not the career non-payers. The debts I foolishly thought the bailiff would be able to collect in a civil manner were transactions that the cunts had no intention of ever paying, from the word go. To me, that's theft, but there you go. I ended up having trouble paying MY bills thanks to them. Moral of that story - Don't cut anyone any slack, don't feel sorry for anyone, don't help anyone. If they can't pay up front, fuck them, and the horse they rode in on. Sending in bailiffs after Granny Jones who hasn't paid her council tax is different, that's a cunt's trick.

High Court Sheriffs, on the other hand, are the Daddies, they take no shit, no excuses. I've watched them break a door down, drag the occupant out of bed, hand him a black bin bag and give him 20 minutes to get his passport, some clean clothes and anything absolutely essential or personally indispensible, then throw him out onto the street. Door changed, caretaker in place, NOTHING left that building until the debt had been paid. Nice. It took me 3 months to get my stuff out of there, after showing beyond doubt it didn't belong to the shyster who never paid his bills, but it was probably safer with them than with the previous occupant, who could have done a bunk at any time with my kit.
(Rsoles, Thu 27 May 2010, 17:30, closed)

'Incidentally, I believe that when bailiffs seize goods, they work on the principle that they will get 20% of the RRP of an item when they sell it off. Hence they need to take a lot of i-pods, leather sofas etc to collect a £2000 debt.'
Perhaps the £10-20 boxes of clobber were 'excess' seized goods, as that money went into the bailiffs' pockets and nowhere near the creditors.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 28 May 2010, 10:14, closed)

Well
if that's the case they really were a shower of cunts, not least because the rightful recipient of that cash, the poor fuck who has had to piss about issuing summonses and then once that has all gone through, started climbing another hill to get the judgement enforced, is still waiting for his money.

Bailiffs don't just phone up and tell you they are on their way to grab your stuff, that's not how it works. As I said before, they are actually pretty toothless, and they will ring beforehand to tell you that they are coming to enforce a judgement, they don't want a confrontation, it's better for them to find someone who is ready for them and prepared, if resigned, to settle their debt.

This is the point that most people suddenly wish they hadn't just looked at a County Court Claim and said "Fuck it" as they lobbed it in the bin. They've had plenty of chances to reply to a summons, appear in court to plead their case (and County Court Judges will accept just about any stupid offer you make to pay the debt over long periods of time), or even appeal against judgement. It's only THEN that the bailiff comes to call (once again, after the creditor has stumped up more cash to instruct the bailiff, leaving him further out of pocket), they don't just turn up out of the blue, and it's then that people usually realise all the letters and court bullshit they have ignored for months is actually real, and they have to face up to settling the debt.

In view of the fact that they can't use any physical force to get into your property (they can climb in through a ground floor window if it's open though), bailiffs don't need to be burly thugs, that's purely psychological. They don't generally want to be taking your electrical goods - let's face it, most things are so cheap these days that no-one is going to be going to sales to look for a nice bargain i-pod that someone else has had for 2 years. Fuck it, it's less trouble to buy a new one, or it will net the bailiff about a fiver. Not worth the hassle.

So, they will first ASK to come in. If you tell them to fuck off, off they will fuck, and at a later date may come back with a policeman. Or they will go back to the office, tell the creditor that you live in a council house and there won't be enough stuff in there to satisfy the debt. Most decent people, having a genuine debt management problem, will let the bailiff in for a chat, that's all he is there to do on the first visit anyway. (Though, as has been said, once you've let him in, he can come back and force entry)

It's better for a bailiff to get money from you, rather than him trying to flog your microwave, so he'll try and thrash out a deal with you, if he gets some cash there and then, a good whack of the debt, he'll probably leave happy for now. Or, if you can't scrounge some cash to pay him, he and you will list some of the items that are worth flogging - not tools of your trade, kids' toys or your bed (I think). Basically, he's looking at your big telly, your sofa and any other white goods that are floggable. Once he has a list of stuff that should cover the debt, you sign the list, and he'll probably give you 7 days to get the money, or he'll come back and remove those goods, and those goods only. If you then shift the telly to your Mum's house and say it's hers, I think that he can go and hoof her door in to collect it, but not certain of that.

The other thing that might be worth some cash is your car, so if you have a decent HP-free motor sitting outside, I believe they can whip that away on the first visit (in case you decide to spirit it away and claim that is no longer yours. A car will always sell, a plasma tv might not, and a decent one should more than cover the debt, the interest, plus the bailiff's fees, so they are keen to swipe cars asap. As I said above, it's a lot of hassle trying to eke those fees out of loads of hi-fi separates, regardless of how brilliant and priceless you think they are)

Anyone who ignores all the letters, court documents and then prior notice of the bailiff's arrival, gets no sympathy from me, fuck them. They obviously think that settling their debts is beneath them. If the bailiff comes and takes their stuff, tough shit. It's down to laziness, a failure to face up to responsibilities. As much as I despise the "professional" non-payers, they will at least ensure that the day the bailiff calls, there will be absolutely nothing that isn't on tick or that can be seized as their property. (Which is why I disagree with prior warnings, but there you go)
(Rsoles, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:19, closed)

Keep reptiles
I keep several reptiles, one of which is a lovely Mexican Black Kingsnake, having that in my hand while approaching a bailiff who practically forced himself past weedy little me was a brilliant way to stop him.
My passport and 6 week old tenancy agreement said that I WASN'T Mr V.Psrtskevtyorl (something like that anyway.)

Ninj edit
Have a quick googleimage search for "mexi black kingsnake" and you'll see how eveil they look to people that don't know their snakes.
(Mensa Reject has gone out, I'll be back on, Thu 27 May 2010, 18:19, closed)

Yep
that looks like a fucking evil snake.
(Rsoles, Thu 27 May 2010, 20:10, closed)

A 'fucking evil snake'
sounds like a bailiff!
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 28 May 2010, 9:13, closed)