Poster Boy
I was lucky enough to wrangle some free tickets to an advertising industry doo recently. Not that I give a shit about advertising, I just love getting loads of free booze and food - and we're not talking sausages on sticks. This place was fucking posh. We're talking sausage and PINEAPPLE on sticks.

Fucking great.

I was hovering round the bar, trying interesting and colourful cocktails when a tall stunning blonde approaches me.

"You've got something about you," she breathed.

"Ohh, that's nice," I replied, surreptitiously checking myself in the mirror behind the bar for lose peanuts that may have somehow become lodged to my face.

"Are you interested in advertising?" this leggy siren asked.

Shaking my head, I replied: "Yes, of course."

"I'm an advertising executive, and I really think you'd be perfect as our new poster boy..."

Wow!!!

"What's it advertising?" I asked, slurping at my bright green cocktail.

"It's advertising boxer shorts.... Tight boxer shorts," she looked me up and down. "Does it sound interesting to you?"

I shrugged. "Fucking awsome!"

She reached into her clutch bag and brought out a business card. She scribbled her address and a time on the back. Handing the card over to me she said: "Be here at this time tomorrow, and we'll get on with it... Poster boy..." she smiled an alluring smile at me and slinked off.

Fuck me!!! Poster boy for tight boxer shorts! Nice one!

Then I started thinking where I could find a salami and two decent size limes to stick down the front of my pants...

When I got home I scanned the card. Her name was Lucious De Villa. Fuck me!!! That sounded sexy as fuck. I was incredibly excited. I hardly slept that night, waiting for my big day.

The next morning, bright and early, I turned up at Lucious' address. It was a wicked apartment, all glass walls from floor to ceiling. It was like being in an incredibly posh greenhouse. She was wearing a sexy little off the shoulder job, all I could think was she was absolutely fucking naked under all those clothes.

"Let's go, poster boy," she breathed at me, and led me back outside the way I'd come.

"Over there," Lucious pointed. I followed her outstreched finger...

...To a big pot of glue, a huge fucking brush, and loads of rolled up bits of paper, set to one side of a blank billboard.

"If you start on this one here, I'll be out in half an hour to tell you how to get to the next billboard. You can get the bus from round the corner."

Bugger... Now I was angry...

I picked up the closest rock to me, a big ugly looking piece of flint covered in moss and crap. I hefted it and walked determindly back towards Lucious' apartment.

Moments later I was in her apartment. She stared at me, wondering what the hell I was going to do.

"What the hell are you going to do?" she asked.

I lifted the piece of flint and considered chucking it, but, well... I had a change of heart. "I'm sorry, I have to go now," I said, and placed the flint awkwardly on her nice white carpet and fucked off.

It's not as if it was her fault. I mean, my vanity made me think I was a natural choice to model boxers, when I really should only model a box... from the inside... with the top pulled shut...

As I was leaving I glanced over my shoulder and muttered: "Lucious, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

And then I went. And on the way home was abducted by aliens.

But that's another story.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:21, 4 replies)

Great read
Mr Hanky. Thank you.
(Grrrrr Tigers, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:23, closed)

Nice story
Not entirely certain it qualifies as a pun though.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:59, closed)

Who cares...?

I'd take one decently written story over a million repeated shit puns any day of the week...

btw, Did any of you hear about the Daily Sport headline when Versace....

*shoots self*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 15:08, closed)

This is like watching
Eastenders, only fun. *clicky*
(Save Us All !!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 15:09, closed)