Spastic shitcuntery
Basically just controversial beliefs again, but this time with the acknowledgement that you're a despicable racist/sexist/fascist cunt who shouldn't be allowed to interact with society.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 29 Apr 2013, 9:48, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Controversial beliefs
I would like to start by saying that I haven't considered all the outcomes, and there are probably many downsides that I haven't considered. As an open minded person I would welcome any arguments for or against this.

But it is my opinion that breeding should be licensed, and people should not be allowed to reproduce without proving that they are financially and emotionally capable of raising a child properly.

Consider the oxfam adverts showing thousands of starving children in under developed countries. I think the parents knew what fate their progeny would be subject to long before conception.

I don't think it should be specific to 3rd world countries either. How many people in the UK are firing out babies just so they can abuse the benefit system?

Does this make me racist toward the human race? Is that genocide? I don't know.

I reserve the right to change my opinion in light of new facts I haven't considered being brought forward by your lovely selves
(Frample Tromwibbler climbs an obstacle like old people fuck, Wed 24 Apr 2013, 19:45, Reply)

What did you get BraynDedd for his birthday, and why didn't you get him something better, you useless cunt?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 24 Apr 2013, 15:27, Reply)

Class war
Tell us how real and working class you are and how your favourite song is Common People by Pulp and you can really relate to The Royle Family because that's just like how it was growing up in your house.

Alt: tell us how shamefully middle-class you are and how your parents gave you the best upbringing and bought you the best education they could, only for you to piss it right up against the wall.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 24 Apr 2013, 12:55, Reply)

my parents bought me a house in Kensington
did your parents ever buy you a house in Kensington? no? well maybe they don't like you then
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 24 Apr 2013, 2:15, Reply)

A bro 'ad.
Tell us about things a male sibling possessed at one time or another.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 23 Apr 2013, 22:07, Reply)

Abro ad
tell us about your marketing campaigns for a company called Abro.
(username failed moderation, Mon 22 Apr 2013, 14:22, Reply)

a b road
tell us your funny stories about b roads
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 22 Apr 2013, 11:12, Reply)

A Broad
Tell us your funny stories about women.
(speedevil, Sun 21 Apr 2013, 12:17, Reply)

Abroad
Tell us about your travels and funny stories about forrins.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 18 Apr 2013, 9:04, Reply)

What's the most depressing thing you've ever put up your arse?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 17 Apr 2013, 12:06, Reply)

Why do you no longer have any friends?
Why do your coworkers go out of their way to avoid talking to you?
How do you intend losing your virginity before reaching middle age?
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 22:49, Reply)

How many of your social circle are actually in employment?
Why are you such a tragic mess?
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 18:51, Reply)

How do YOU make eggy cup?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 11:32, Reply)

When sitting on your own, alone in an uncaring world, would you describe the curtains blocking out any natural light as
Just Grey

or

Faded Yellow?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:53, Reply)

Army Life
Tell us about your military service - the funny side, the horrific, the times you wished you had never joined and the times you wouldn't have traded for anything. All services welcome!
(Smudge the Demon, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:20, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What's the best microwave meal for one you've ever had?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 15 Apr 2013, 19:35, Reply)

Why does your life no longer have any meaning at all?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 15 Apr 2013, 15:14, Reply)

What's the most depressing and miserable thing you've ever experienced?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 15 Apr 2013, 15:14, Reply)

How and when are you going to kill yourself?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 15 Apr 2013, 14:54, Reply)

how about a week where we share our stories about where it all went wrong?
for further misery based hilarity
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 15 Apr 2013, 14:12, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Funerals.
It's been 7 years since we last covered this one. Loads of people will have carked it since then.
( Pig Bodine., Thu 11 Apr 2013, 10:17, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Right place, wrong time
When has sheer chance meant that you missed out?
( MatJ LOOK, Wed 10 Apr 2013, 15:39, Reply)

Lying and learning your lesson.
I was once invited to a friends house for a weekend with his slightly mentalist girlfriend at the time.

There were a couple of us supposed to be going, now I had been before and I knew it was just the most spasticated weekend I had ever had with the evil bitch.

I lied said I was going camping with another friend who I also roped into the lie. Needless to say they asked where to etc and we fabricated a whole story about the campsite we were going to etc.

The Friday before that weekend, I get a call, from my mate with "good news" they were going to meet us at the camp site that weekend and camp with us. Fucking most miserable weekend of my entire life.

That's what lies get you.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 10 Apr 2013, 1:00, Reply)

Weird Words.
Stuff your family uses that would leave most of us scratching our heads. The words, their meanings and how they came into use.

For example - craughing (pronounced "crarffing") - laughing and crying at the same time, often done by a child whilst trying to force a cry and getting tickled at the same time.
Tning -A train, from the sound a train makes at level crossings.
Ranain - Rain.
Wind-ing - Windy.
Nome? - No one home, usually inquired after a spouse has tried to unsuccessfully ring someone.
You get the gist.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 7 Apr 2013, 5:18, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Redemption
Tell us some heart-warming tales of redemption: the bully who one day defended you against kids from another school; the smarmy prick who one day broke down and apologised for his shitty attitude; the traffic warden who commended you on your parking, etc. Bonus points if it's you doing something to redeem yourself
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 4 Apr 2013, 12:26, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

A funny thing happened.
Tell us an anecdote about a funny thing that happened. Surely to fuck at least one vaguely amusing thing has happened in your life. It doesn't even have to be that funny. Just an anecdote. You do know what a fucking anecdote is, right? Just one. Otherwise what the fuck is the point and why haven't the dog-fingerers just shut this shit down and sent you all back to drearyville.

Pricks.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 4 Apr 2013, 8:20, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

SURPRISE!!!
Ever given granny a heart attack on her 90th birthday or knocked down the wall between the living room and kitchen by mistake before the wife gets home?
How have you surprised those you love or hate even if you didn't mean to.
I hate surprises myself, although I do love an unexpected egg butty.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 20:37, Reply)

Chip butty with brown sauce and a couple of fried eggs on the side for dipping.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 20:22, Reply)