Your ex -
- is he or she sad, eccentric, criminal or downright scary?

My several exes cover all these qualities, and more.

All will be revealed in good time.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 16 Apr 2006, 19:34, Reply)

How lazy can you get?
A mate once asked me to pop along to the local court to swear on a divorce document for her as she couldn't be arsed. I had to explain why it was a baaaad idea.

Another mate couldn't be bothered to reach out to the bedside table for contraception - too much bother. Nine months later, WAAAAA! WAAAAAH!

And the baby was noisy too.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 16 Apr 2006, 19:30, Reply)

howza bout
Best internet flame war?
(thePontificator, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 3:18, Reply)

!!!naughty boy!!!
best sexual position and why
(dude2, Sat 15 Apr 2006, 0:40, Reply)

Your mum
As we've had other sex based QOTW what about. How your mum and dad found out that you were 'no longer a virgin'. I can almost guarantee I will be the only one involving a coke can.
(He of the Avenged Nipple, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 20:11, Reply)

What is the weirdest thing you've ever downloaded?
Mine erm a track called who put the dick on the snowman but its a very close race with the second place going to the vagina song. IF this gets to QOTW i promise i will add them into my post. But as there is not much chance of that happening and if u want them just ask me somehow... Peace People!!
(Fluent In Bentish Living in Scatman's World, tis being fun!, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 0:52, Reply)

Have you ever been mistaken for anyone else and what happened?
One time, I (24 living in London) got muddled up with some 16 year-old kid in Ohio (similar hotmail addresses).

I got loads of stupid emails from his friends but the best was an email from his boxing coach giving advice and encouragement before an inter-school bout.

For a laugh I sent him some light-hearted abuse and was rewarded with a stern reply saying he'd spoken to *my* parents about *my* bad attitude and I was in big trouble.

Would of loved to have seen his face when I sent an email explaining who I was.
(breakfastwithjam, Wed 12 Apr 2006, 16:34, Reply)

We all like to think we are funny
What's the funniest joke you have ever come up with?

E.G. I think the funniest one I ever thought up was "Did you ever wonder if young spiders kid around by pulling the string out of their arses and reeling it back in saying 'Eat lead mother fucker' or 'Baby want to go plop plop'"

Come on then tell us your jokes
( Big Ian has stopped changing his sig, Wed 12 Apr 2006, 16:07, Reply)

How about "Best Excuse Ever" ?
At one place I used to work a manager type there once told
me of the best excuse he had ever heard...

He, being boss-type person received this phone call one Monday
morning from an employee of his (who happened to be in his
mid-to-late 30's - this is relevant, by the way):

Employee: "Hi - er, listen, I can't come in to work today"
Manager: "why not ?"
Employee: "I'm in bed with a girl half my age"
Manager: "fair enough. See you later in the week then."

Manager-type-friend said he really couldn't argue with that.

So, how about the best excuse you've ever heard or given ... ?
(Tony M Nythop, Wed 12 Apr 2006, 13:25, Reply)

qotw
Have you ever been on TV? And if so, In what capacity?
(jms, Wed 12 Apr 2006, 13:13, Reply)

Am I the only one...
Bored one evening, ages ago, watching Liquid News on BBC, a young Scottish reporter at Cannes Film Festival approached Huey Morgan, from The Fun Loving Criminals, and asked him for a quote.

"Yeah," he said "Michael Jackson fucks kids"

No one else on the planet seems to have witnessed this nor the 10 minutes of apologies that followed.

Has anyone else ever been the only person they know who saw, met, witnessed something outrageous?
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Wed 12 Apr 2006, 10:25, Reply)

The most amazing lie I've ever told.
Basically, the most outragous and farfetched lie you've ever told. Bonus points if you got away with it too.
( Lightguy hail satan, Tue 11 Apr 2006, 15:34, Reply)

Have you ever spent time in jail?
What for?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much does it hurt when you sit down now?
( ArthurTheRat, Tue 11 Apr 2006, 13:48, Reply)

How you found your way onto B3ta.

( Wingnutt razzle dazzle my fantasmagazzle, Mon 10 Apr 2006, 21:39, Reply)

not sure if it's been done or suggested before
but worst house/flat mate and whatever they did to be so bad
(The Director of Directing, Mon 10 Apr 2006, 15:25, Reply)

Who did you vote for in the general elections?
Wonder how many responses we would get?
( HelloIamAdam and Adam is my name, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 23:34, Reply)

Your moment of genius
I think all supermarkets should have give way signs on the floor so i no longer get mowed down by some middle aged mother with about 6 kids hanging from her flaccid teats. What about fast and slow lanes for pedestrians?

What was your moment of inspriation to further the development of mankind?
(Rushy, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 16:57, Reply)

My Hero
Who are your unlikely heroes or have circumstances lead to you being the hero of the moment?
(UPSET, Sun 9 Apr 2006, 1:47, Reply)

Showers
Oh yes, there is so much scope on this, from the obvious, caught in a downpour all the way to Golden, with hail, sleat, snow, money, flower, baby etc.

We all love it when we have a story to post, so vote for this one and add yours!
(Suck it and Sea, Sat 8 Apr 2006, 23:37, Reply)

Eating yourself
Small scabs, the wet bit on a hair root, the sides of your fingernails. Which bodily part, excretion or crustiness do you like to chomp on? (Bogey excluded, too obvious).
(potahtoe, Sat 8 Apr 2006, 17:12, Reply)

Tramp wisdom
Different from "local nutters." What is the best (or worst) line you've ever gotten from a tramp? Did he give you advice? Spout religious teachings? Point out some of your unsavoury qualities? Tell you a really good Michael Jackson joke? Confess all on B3ta...
( KersaI Missive Free Michael Shields! with Monday's Liverpool Echo, Fri 7 Apr 2006, 4:57, Reply)

One for the fools...
I seriously think that Best (and worst?) April Fool's Day prank, or just prank alone, is a kickass idea. Who's with me?!!?!?!!
(hayno, Thu 6 Apr 2006, 5:44, Reply)

Hangover Cures

I've got a stinker and have had some really random ideas from people of how to get rid of it including chili milkshakes and eating spoonfuls of butter and lemon juice.

I dare say people have got their own and would be interesting to hear them...please help me. My arse has lost all controlled functionality now.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 13:17, Reply)

Childhood Misunderstandings
What were your most embarrassing misunderstandings as a child? By this I mean, when you thought certain words were completely innocent, so you used them in your speech...and suddenly, all the adults in the room froze in horror.

I, for one, thought that when people were horny, they were acting like rhinos. And I thought "doggy style" could refer to anything done by a dog, so when little Fluffy from next door started digging under the fence, I hollered, "Look, she's doing it doggy style!" for several people to hear. Or when I thought that being a virgin meant something bad, so I told people I wasn't (I was eight).

Ah shite, I just answered my own question...

EDIT: And though I wasn't a child when it happened, I used to think "n00b" was short for "Nubian" and meant as an insult to Black people.
( KersaI Missive Free Michael Shields! with Monday's Liverpool Echo, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 2:21, Reply)

All this and lint too!
If all those years of MacGyver and S&M have taught me anything, it's that a roll of duct tape always comes in handy sooner or later. What are the strangest things you regularly keep in your pocket/wallet/purse, and why?
( Rob T Firefly talked, like, William Shatner, on, Mon 3 Apr 2006, 18:58, Reply)

Armed Forces
Please never do another armed forces QOTW - those closet queens will just ramble on for days about the jolly japes they got up to with their chums.
(DrTugnut, Mon 3 Apr 2006, 10:00, Reply)

Best retort
I went to see some comedy last night. The comedian had to deal with some rather self confident female hecklers. His put down was "you're going to be farting my spunk in the morning". I swear, I had beer coming out of my nose I was laughing so hard (Reading is just not used to that kind of humour)! What's the funniest retort / comeback you've experienced?
( Whodathunkit, Sun 2 Apr 2006, 13:23, Reply)

I once cooked fried rice that turned out purple
Anybody else have a cooking related disaster?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 1 Apr 2006, 16:56, Reply)

dot dot dot
What unusual thing gives you 'the fear'?
(An amusing and topical username, Sat 1 Apr 2006, 5:29, Reply)

I only realised recently...
When I was a kid, I thought when magazine articles, when they put (Some sort of comment - Ed) in them, were actually talking about some sort of all-powerful bloke called Ed who had power over magazines, and it was some sort of in-joke.

I thought this until about a year ago.
( ArthurTheRat, Sat 1 Apr 2006, 1:44, Reply)