I once swapped
a few of the names around in the contact list on Mrs SLVA's phone. Apparently Becky from work was most surprised to learn that my wife wanted to undress her slowly before laying her down and giving her oral sex until she was close to climax before moving up the bed and sitting on her face.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 9:52, 14 replies)

My housemate had an annoying younger brother who used to visit
He changed all the names in my housemate's phone to "Wanker", which I understand was incredibly frustrating. Other japes included setting the language to Chinese.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 9:55, closed)

lol
You've reminded me of the phone in one of the bookies i used to work in it's phonebook had the following entries:
Phil
Monty
Gav
ARSEHOLE
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 11:57, closed)

yeah...
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 10:20, closed)

Episode 36 in The Sex Life of SLVA
Next week: An unexpected fisting goes wrong - with hilarious consequences.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 10:21, closed)

You are the poor-man's Rory Lyon
AICMFP
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 10:50, closed)

Quite possibly the harshest insult I've ever seen on B3ta.

( .Yeti., Wed 22 Feb 2012, 11:06, closed)

Yeah that is going a bit far.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 11:16, closed)

I can't even pretend to understand this.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 12:08, closed)

Ooof
That is very unkind.
(anvil, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 15:40, closed)

So,
once Becky had got over the initial shock, was she up for it?
( .Yeti., Wed 22 Feb 2012, 10:44, closed)

I wish
she was well fit.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 10:45, closed)

I did this to my ex when we were both in our late teens
There was a pervy security guard at her work who used to watch her sitting at reception on the work's CCTV and then make pervy comments to her about what she'd been up to that day, and in the evening would text her all the time with his woes and troubles, clearly trying to get in her knickers.

It was the days of early Nokias where you could only hold about 20 messages in your inbox before it filled up. Late at night, I deleted some old messages from me, then renamed myself in her phonebook as Barry, and needy old Barry to another name.

When she was just waking the next morning, I snook to the bathroom and texted her phone profusing my love for her as Barry, saying that we should run off together etc etc. Walked into the room just as she received it and asked her who the text was from, glanced over her shoulder as she read it sleepy-eyed.

Yes, I know I was a cunt. It was funny though. We split up not long afterwards, and within a few months she was shagging another guy from her work who was recently married with kids anyway (and probably Barry on the side too).
(harrypitta friends with the chilli saucerer, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 10:52, closed)

Was it Becky's number that you swapped yours for?

( Muns, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 13:21, closed)

Nope, he swapped Becky's with Tony from Accounts.

( Pig Bodine., Wed 22 Feb 2012, 14:07, closed)