Some pearoasts and a new addition
I do kind things for people all the time, similar to many mentioned already so I wont bore you with those.

2 pearoasts of random acts of kindness done to me

Saved by the kindness of strangers 1
www.b3ta.com/questions/buses/post466282

Saved by the kindness of strangers 2
www.b3ta.com/questions/nicethings/post262882

Last night I posted a status on FB about an essential household item breaking down and went to bed all sadfaced.
Logged in tonight to find a message from someone who i havnt actually seen for years and dont really know that well offering to use their credit card to buy me a new one as a gift.
I have thanked them but declined, a truly generous offer but just too big for me to accept.
If I expected any response, it would have been someone knew someone who had an old one they wanted rid of, didnt expect that
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 0:58, 3 replies)

A good deed never goes unrewarded
The last chap I saw selling the Big Issue had newer trainers and clothes than me.
So I kicked him in the nuts, gave him an uppercut to his jaw as he went down and stole his money.
When I saw him again a week later he still had blood on his shoes and shirt and was missing his front teeth. I tried to avoid making eye contact with him, but it was too late and he ran across the precinct to accost me: "Cheers, mate! Business has never been better since last week." With that he extracted a can of Special Brew from his jacket and thrust it into my hand, beaming a gappy grin at me all the while.
( P-MONKE We're all fucked, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 22:30, Reply)

M1 psychopath
So there we were sitting still in the fast lane of the M1 in the 1993 Friday night traffic. My friend's Fiesta on the way from Coventry to North Wales via his brother's place in Nottingham. Eventually the traffic starts moving and my find tries to find a gear. Any gear. Please? Just first gear for now would be nice. No? Really? Shit. We're broken down in the dark in the fast lane of the M1 aren't we?

Suddenly, from nowhere there's a car pulling in in front of us. A seemingly sensible adult in a suit is barking instructions at us. "You! Tie this rope to your car! You (me) - take this small plastic orange triangle and stand in the oncoming traffic in the pitch dark in the fast lane of the M1!"

So that's what we did. This maniac towed us across 3 lanes of traffic to the nearest emergency phone and with a flourish handed us his card which read something along the lines of "Damsels rescued, Dragons slain, Good deeds done".

Nutter. Kind nutter, but nutter nonetheless.
(maffj, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 22:04, 2 replies)

I just bought a copy of The Big Issue
Lol did I fuck. Load of shit, not worth the paper it's printed on.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 19:11, 7 replies)

I was waiting for my friend to come out of Tescos. I was Walking to his car in the car park.
An elderly lady had just finished unloading her trolly into the car next to my friends car. So i offered to return her trolly for her, she seemed very pleased with this and accepted. I returned her trolly and then we had a little chat about Tescos opening times over christmas, which was nice.
( BindiBaji, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 18:43, 4 replies)

Scary Samaritans
Reminded by the Dukes post below.

Around 1999ish I was off to the drag racing with a group of mates, preceded of course, by a night on the lash in Northampton. A nice night of drunken revelry and failed attempts at pulling was being had by our team of 6 or 8 chaps after a long week at work and (what felt like) an even longer drive down from Newcastle.

Between establishments we happened across a young fellow who was rather the worse for wear. He'd exceeded his ability to stand up, let alone walk and was quite literally crawling along the gutter. His presence was relayed among the group and we strode purposefully over to give the poor sap a little assistance toward a taxi home or the authorities, depending on further judgement of his capacities.

Perhaps it was anatomic effects of his over-indulgence and introspective rhetoric, maybe it was a skunk-like defensive reflex. It seemed though to be directed at our group as he begged "Please, no. I haven't done anything. Please please don't" while clearly to ear eye and nose, simultaneously urinating and defecating within his trousers.

All physical contact being instantly ruled out by that, a couple of lads went off to find some uniformed assistance while the rest of us gave the sorry mess of a kid a couple of smokes and stayed as close by as we could bear to prevent him wandering off into further mishap.

So if you're monged in the street and being a danger to yourself, and every passer by seems to be a heartless cunt who laughs but ignores you, don't automatically assume that the half-dozen beefy shaven-headed Geordie blokes stomping toward you are going to kick you to fuck.

(If your local football team is hosting a Newcastle United away game though, it may be safer to)
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 18:22, Reply)

How a lawnmower helped us get married....................
So ten years ago Mr Entity decided to make an honest woman of me. And because neither off us wanted a big flash expensive do we decided to go to Prague.

I looked into it and found that we could get married in the old town hall. (the one with the clock if you've ever been).
Now remember these were the early days of the internet, especially for the Czech republic, not everyone had email and many places didn't have websites. (I remember Tesco being the first supermarket to do internet shopping and you had to get the list of items on a CD as downloading would take to long) anyway, I digress.

I had been communicating with the translator at the old town hall and she was sorting out all the paperwork for us. We had to meet her in her office the day before and she would give us all the paper work we had to complete.
The office building had paternoster lifts which scared the hell out of me, but not nearly as much as she did. She was a tiny lady with a sense of humour by-pass. Think Dr Ruth's evil twin. She told us that we had to go to 'police for foreigners' and fill out a form there. I asked if there would be people who spoke English and she said there would.

So we got in a cab and headed off to the address she had given us. It was a big imposing soviet style official building. The cab driver said that he would wait for us, when we explained that we didn't know how long it would be he said not to worry, he'd turn the meter off.

In we went to the scary building and found the department we needed. There was no reception or any people there other than the other people in the waiting room. It was like something out of a Jeunet film.

There was a take a number queuing system, so we took a number and sat and waited. The waiting room was full and the queue didn't seem to be going anywhere. Finally, after about an hour, the number before ours came up. We watched the door intently and waited for that person to come out. The did and we stood up ready to go when the person in the office came out and said 'closed for lunch' and slammed the door.
We had no option but to wait for them to come back, for another hour. I went out and told the cab driver that he might as well head off and get another fare but he said he would wait.
Eventually the person we needed to see came back. Our number was called and we went into the office. We explained the situation and said that we needed the forms to get married in the Czech Republic. He gave us the forms and ushered us out.
The forms were all in Czech. We stood in the corridor and looked at them. There was nothing that we understood, nothing that we could even guess at. Just as we were staring at these forms and panicking that we wouldn't be able to get married the next day.
Just then a business man and woman came out of the room next to us. The woman could see we were looking at this form with confusion. 'Hello' she said 'would you like me to help you?' It turned out that she was a there as a translator for a lawnmower company. She helped us fill in the form and get it handed in to the correct person. They then gave us the certificate we needed to get married, which we needed to take back to the scary lady.
The cab driver had waited all this time and only charged us the equivalent of £10.

I know this doesn't seem like much, and in retrospect it was not so awful, but when you are lost in a foreign country and haven't had anything to eat or drink all day, a friendly face helps so much. We honestly thought the wedding wouldn't go ahead.

I know this boils down to 'I waited about for two hours in another country and then a lady helped' but at the time her help was so welcome.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 14 Feb 2012, 18:00, 4 replies)

Sometimes being nice scares the recipient...
So picture the scene, 'Tis evening and the tube is slowly disgorging its load of armpits and arseholes, a smattering at every stop as it wends its foetid stinking way out to the end of the line.
The chap sat opposite me with the architect's plan case has his headphones in and is fiddling with his phone, entirely oblivious to anything that's not being delivered to his senses via the latest piece of black shiny consumer tech.
He sits wrapped in his own world until, with a strangled cry he realises just where the train is and makes a last moment dash for the already closing doors. Squeezing between them with a dexterity even Indiana Jones would have to admire. Alas, like Dr. Jones he leaves behind an important object, not a hat but a USB hard drive. Nice piece of kit it looks too.
So sighing wearily I pick up the toy and stick it in my bag, receiving many black looks from the shriveled old harridan sat beside me, with every intention of handing it to the lost property chap at my destination two stops down the line.
But there is no lost property chap, or any chap for that matter. The local police station is closed and there's no way I'm driving to the main station N miles away. So I head home.
'Tis the work of but a moment to plug the device in and dig through it for personal data.
No porn, no incriminating nuclear secrets, no jihad plans, nothing really worth looking at to be honest.
But there was a current CV. So a brief exchange of text messages later and a slightly perplexed sounding chap is heading over to my place to get his toy back.
Fellow arrives at the door and I hand him the drive, noticing that he's a little wild around the eyes and is keeping as far from me as possible.
Once he's got a firm hold on it he starts asking all manner of questions.
How did I know where he lives, where did I get his name, his phone number, had I been talking to his girlfriend, how the fuck did I know all about him, and tellingly, was he "on a list" ?
I shrugged, told him it was all on his hard drive, expecting that would be explanation enough.
Apparently not, for with the words "Oh Fuck No!" he turned and fled into the night, never to be seen again.
So far I've resisted texting him details of his upbringing and education, but it's hard, cruel hard...
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 17:24, 5 replies)

I'm sure this is a pea roast but still ...........
Back about 5 years ago Mr Entity and I went to Japan. We had a brilliant two weeks in Tokyo until the last day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Our final day on Tokyo was also my birthday. So we decided to use up our last Yen on a dinner out. One of the side dishes we had was shiitake mushrooms.
Train back to the hotel, all packed and ready to leave at about 7.30 in the morning.
It was at this point a horrible realisation dawned on us, Japanese train stations don't take credit cards. Or at least they didn't in those days. We needed to buy our train tickets to the airport. The only ATMs we could use with English cards were the ones in Post Offices, which were all shut at the time and wouldn't open until 9 am. We had the thought that there might be cash points in central Tokyo that we could use. A quick look online showed us that there was. We had enough cash left for one of us to get to central Tokyo. Obviously this would be Mr Entity.

It was at this point that we discovered Mr Entity's allergy to shiitake mushrooms. There was no way he could go anywhere. I asked at the hotel reception and there was nothing the could do. All we needed was ¥1000, which was about £5.

We were using the computer in the hotel lobby when a Canadian lady came in. She could see we were stressed and asked what the problem was. We told her and she handed over a ¥1000 note. I asked for her address and promised to give it back, but she refused. Her only request was that we do the same for someone else when they really need it one day.

We spent that night with Mr Entity being heroically ill from all available orifices.

Thanks to that lady we got back to the UK. I don't know what we would have done without her.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 14 Feb 2012, 17:00, 5 replies)

No good turn goes unpunished
A less inspiring one:

At a works christmas party, one particular lad clearly had had far too much of things he wasn't used to, and was making a complete twat of himself. Lary to everyone and leery to women in particular, pissing them all off with none-too-subtle comments and suggestions.

Inevitably, it all got too much for him and he collapsed, apparently unconscious. There was an awkward moment while everyone thought "Serves the little shit right, leave him there to rot." But one couple decided that they'd better make sure he was all right, and with the girl holding him under the arms and her boyfriend by the feet, they began to carry him out to get some fresh air, and perhaps put him in the recovery position.

As they struggled to get him down the stairs, apparently unconscious with his head lolling back, one of his arms miraculously began to rise. They watched, transfixed, as it rose up above him, waving around like a drunken cobra, as if hunting for something, apparently independent of his comatose body.

Then the hand swung back and planted itself firmly onto the girl's left tit, and began to have a good old grope. At which point, naturally, they dumped him and left him to his fate.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 16:53, Reply)

Wet Christian
I was in my clapped-out car, joining a big roundabout in Wolverhampton, in the pouring rain. Predictably, the car stalled, and wouldn't start again. Traffic was building up behind me, honking their horns. A car on the roundabout pulled into the side - there was a fish logo on the back. The driver got out and was immediately soaked by the downpour. He got behind my car and pushed me onto the roundabout (it was only a little Mini). That was enough to bump start the car, and I drove off, not daring to stop. I could see in my mirror my drowned-rat saviour. He'd done the Christian thing. I suppose I could have gone round the roundabout and given him a cheery wave, or shouted thanks out of the window. But I didn't.
(Smale is stuffed, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 16:38, Reply)

I sold an old mobile
on Ebay the other week for £5.94, and as the guy was local he came and picked it up. He gave me £6 for it and said I could keep the change.

He still hasn't left me any feedback though, the cunt.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 15:50, 4 replies)

Ha found it.
It's called Derealisation, I knew there was a proper term for it.



RIS - www.b3ta.com/questions/creepy/post1159363
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 15:39, 2 replies)

Its a random act of life saving/kindness i suppose.....
I was visiting New Zealand in 2004, I had a few days stop at Frans Joseph. I had decided to take a bus up to the glacier to have a look, after a bit of rambling around for a few hours dusk began to settle so I decided to head back to the hostel. Crossing the glacier floor, I heard a scream and saw girl across the other side of the valley, she had tried to cross the a glacier stream and was stuck half way in waist high freezing water. She was holding onto a small boulder trying not to get washed away as the water around here was moving at quite a speed. without thinking I ran over and began to wade out to her it was very rocky underfoot and freezing, plus the river was fast. I just managed to get to her before she was swept away, I held onto the rock and her at the same time, pulled her up with great difficulty against the current, then holding her I slowly got her to the bank .
After getting her calm and giving her my warm coat (after she had removed some of her clothing), we both had a couple of kilometres walk back to the hostel. I stood in hot shower for nearly 2 hours warming up. Was freeeeeeezing cold really cold, she said "If i hadn't of got to her she would have been washed away and drowned". While holding on to her and the rock in the water I nearly dislocated my shoulder, spent the next few weeks on really lovely (expensive) pain killers.

We have been good friends ever since, she is Irish and very beautiful :)

Today i helped two random women down the stairs at the park with their buggies, while everyone walked by..
( The invisible ham Fig rolls are the best, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 15:39, 3 replies)

The wonderful Mr Oliver
I may have mentioned this fellow before, but I think he deserves another outing.

Mr Oliver is a lovely, polite man. In his late 80's/early 90's, he still walks around town and once a fortnight comes into my pub for lunch.

Every time he is politeness personified. Amazed by my ability to remember what he drinks (pineapple juice with no ice) and always with a kind word. He leaves his 50p tip carefully under his plate and without fail compliments the cook.

One day a few years back I got into a bout of fisticuffs (basically asking a 6'6'' bloke to leave after he had been caught taking drugs) It was all a bit one sided and I ended up looking like this with a shattered wrist)



A few days later a hand delivered card arrived through the door from Oliver. In shaky but clearly carefully composed script was a little card stating how sorry Oliver was that such a horrible thing had happened. Also inside was a £10 note with instructions to spend it to cheer myself up.

This little act of kindness brought a tear to my eye and went some way to restore faith in the human race.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 15:10, 12 replies)

I keep my thoughts to myself, to avoid offending people.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 14:32, 2 replies)

Where are you all?
As much as my cockles have been warmed by the stories this week, I am slightly irritated to realise that the people I generally tend to encounter on a daily basis are a right bunch of cunts.

You lot all carry on with your love-in, leave all the selfish fucktards for me to deal with,
(King Nightmare, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 13:25, 12 replies)

Oh yes...now I remember
There is a record label here based in London called JazzmanRecords. Very cool if you like funk and stuff like that. They have a subsidery label called JukeBox Jam. They issue old RnB and wierd Rock N Roll from the 50s and 60s. Anyway, the first record on this label i managed to accure two isses of. One i got direct and I think another was a friends who didn't want it anymore. About 3 years later, this record is worth quite a bit of cash, so i think, well i've got two, sell one, buy some more vinyl and then have the other for the collection. So i sell it on ebay and get a decent amount for it. very happy. Until, about 2 months later when i am out DJing and when i get home I realise that said record is missing. I double and triple check, but it's definitely not there anymore. I go back to the venue, but its not there and no one has seen it. Gutted. Not the first time someone has stolen a record while i'm DJing.

So about a week a later, i email Jazzman and say "If you have any unsold stock, could be warped, could be missing a label, faulty. I don't care, i'll pay for it, I just want the collection to be complete cos i'm a bit of a obsessive compulsive."

Next day, in the post, with the rest of the records i ordered, is a brand new, perfect condition copy of the reoord, with a little post it stuck to it which says "Look after it!". It doesn't leave the house, and i think, since its worth a lot of money, one of the niceist things anyone has done for me. Especially in the brutal world of record collecting. Plus, the best example of customer service I have ever encountered. An absolute legend.
(Hendrix73, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 12:25, 4 replies)

Old man gives me 20p
I was in the queue in WHSmiths. I want a Dougie Fresh 7" Single. WHSmiths have put the price up by 20p over the weekend. This is the 80s and 20p seems to mean quite a bit. the guy befind the counter won't bhudge and i'm only 12. Someone taps me on the shoulder. Nice old man, says "ere son. Have 20p, its Christmas". What a dude.

I have more of these....gotta wrack my brains though.
(Hendrix73, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 12:13, 2 replies)

Concert Ticket
Its a long one.
My mate wanted to know if I wanted to see Roger Waters. This was 2002. Obviously i would, but he wanted the money NOW! Even though it was going on his g/f credit card, and she wouldn't have to pay for it for 30 days. Wanker. So I said, i can't right now. So I had to forfeit my ticket rights.

Fast Forward 6 months and its concert day. I can't not go. I look on ebay and get a 20th row ticket for £40. Borrow some cash of Papa and get my arse to Wembley.

I'm waiting outside for my ebay contact, but he is running late. I hear the tanoy telling me that Roger Starts at 8 with no support and he'll be starting in 10 minutes. I think "Well, i made it this far. 10mins won't matter". The ebay guy is running late, scarily late. then jsut as everything seems lost, this guy approaches me and asks if i am waiting for someone/ticket? I said Yes and he walks off. I then call out: Hold up mate, whats the beef? He tells me his girlfriend is ill so can't make it. The ticket is face value (£32), 8th row from the front and he'll wait with me while i go through the barriers, so I know he is legit. So now i have extra money for a beer. He gets me in, I get a beer, 8th Row. Sit down, the lights go down and the show starts. Best night ever. Oh, and my mate was somewhere near the roof and near the back. In the words of Alan Partridge, needless to say, i had the last laugh. Felt a bit bad about the guy from Ebay though.
(Hendrix73, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 12:09, 8 replies)

I went up to a person having a cigarette in the street
and informed them that smoking is very bad, carries numerous health risks and that they should stop.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 11:41, 5 replies)

I like to trip up ugly strangers
So that they realise things could be worse.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 11:40, Reply)

On a daily basis
I fight the urge to go on a massive killing spree.
(King Nightmare, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 10:50, 10 replies)

Wake up call
About two years ago I was diagnosed with depression.I became so selfish and self centered that I didn,t care for nobody but myself.
I lost my job and nearly my marriage and was on the verge of ending it all.
I was always a moody bastard ,friends(not that I had that many) ,family and workmates would often get the wrong side of me.I had to look at myself and what I was doing.
The final straw came when I lost my job ,and my marriage I thought was over.I texted the wife to say I had enough and drove off into the night and wasn,t coming back.
Sitting in my car on that cliff edge was the most sobering experience I have ever had and eventually thought that its got this far and must get better.
On the way home I was pulled over by the police who were looking for me after my wife got worried.She even put it out on Facebook to help find me.
Anyways I told my wife what I was going through and we vowed to get through it.Through facebook my work family and friends found out what was going on and I was called in by my employers to review my employment and was told of all the support from my colleagues and friends who wished they could help.
Though not random,the acts of kindness help me get my job back,my marriage ,care about my wellbieng from people I know and only know in passing has made me a better person I am today,and when I am not feeling too bad always strive to help others when I can.
Catch you all later gonna make the wife a Valentines breakfast.
(andycrass loves two hats on, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 9:04, 30 replies)

When waiting beside the car parking ticket machine as some bint or geezer searches their various pockets for change
I always dig it out myself and hold it up for them.

Looks terribly kind, impresses strangers no end, and GETS THE USELESS BUGGERS OUT OF MY WAY.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 9:03, 5 replies)

Panic attacks.
A few years back I was on the way to a favorite fishing spot near where I live.Driving there I noticed a slow queue of traffic in front of me.
When I got close enough I could see a small van almost sideways in the opposite lane and everyone was going round it,so I jumped out of my
car and went to see what was up,in the van a guy was wide eyed and shaking and obviously trying to move off in the wrong gear revving hell out of his engine.
I opened his door and told him to take it out of gear and turn the engine off which he did and asked him what the problem was.

The guy was a parcel delivery driver and was running very late and couldn,t find his last address,so I told him to chill for a few minutes so we could sort it out.
It turned out that he was a few miles off track but the address he was looking for was a few doors down from my grandmother,so I gave him directions and he was on his way.
What annoyed me after was that all the other motorists were to busy to help even tho it was obvious that something was wrong,but still ignored him.
(andycrass loves two hats on, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 8:22, 1 reply)

A couple of years ago I was assaulted in the street.
Basically this happened.

Although people in the street turned a blind eye to what was going on, when I finally managed to get help, I was utterly amazed at how wonderful some people can be.

Within 5 minutes of it happening, the women at my local Slimming World club had provided me with a strong mug of tea, ice for my face, Badger and the police were called and I felt as safe as I was going to feel at that point. They were brilliant. It was quite simply, one of the most bittersweet moments. I was hurt, shocked, upset and angry (so so angry), but at the same time I realised that I was not alone.

They made sure that I was never alone when attending meetings until Karl Roberts (94 previous convictions apparently) was arrested, charged and sentenced for my assault. They never made me feel weak or pathetic, and they helped put my self-confidence back together.

It's a small thing that they did really, but it is something that plenty of people that day simply refused to do. For that I will always be very very thankful.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 14 Feb 2012, 3:16, 33 replies)

no funnies, just me...
Every day I try to give the gift of random kindess to someone. I may know them, I may not. It may be a small gesture, it may be big. Sometimes, in return, I'll get a smile, a big hug, a beaming face, a childs tears of joy. The reactions over the years stay with me, and I like to think that the recepients still think of me now and then. I never ask for anything in return and never tell people I know what I do or have done - im not looking for thanks, recognition or any kind of praise, just that nice feeling of doing something nice. Its my little secret to a happy life, you should try it sometime.
(shamen Geekius Maximus, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 1:08, 4 replies)

Probably not the only person who does this..
..but, if I'm close to the front of a queue with a basket full of stuff, I'll let the person behind me with one or two items, go before me.
( Evilsprinkles Shitting glitter, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 1:05, 1 reply)

Early one morning, I drove past a broken-down car on a remote lane with two men staring worriedly at the gently-steaming engine.
I stopped and offered a lift. The older chap asked hesitantly if I was going near the local hospital. I wasn't, but I took him anyway, and as he got out he said 'Thank you so much, you've saved my life!'

I laughed and drove off. On the way home I took a detour to see if the younger bloke was sorted yet. This was before mobile phones so I soon met him walking along in search of a phone box.

I picked him up and on the way he told me that Dad hadn't been joking about saving his life. He'd been running his father to the hospital for an operation when the car broke down. No wonder they'd looked worried! He was relieved that his Dad was on time. I hope it all went well after that.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 0:07, 3 replies)