Spoooky
As I opened this QOTW, my solicitors rang and told me they've ballsed up my house move, and I now have to pay another months rent and will lose a weeks worth of interest on the deposit.

So I've been ripped off for both the money and the (slight) opportunity to get on the front page of last week's QOTW.

I'd just like to say that solicitors are a complete and total utter bunch of knob-cheese, smelly-faced, dick-for-brains bastards. I hate them, I hate them, I REALLY FUCKING HATE THEM!

I really do.

Now I have to go tell my mum
(Jugular, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 12:59, Reply)

Vista
JimmerUK - I was wondering if you could help me, I'm in need of an OS upgrade. I don't need the hardware, just the assistance of a licence for Vista. I don't even need the media. Just the licence key.

If you leave me your business card, I'll send you the money.

Promise.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 12:58, Reply)

Lending Money to Strangers
This happened to me in January last year.

When I was confronted in the Welcome Break Newport Pagnell services car park on the M1 on the way to see my Dad I immediately thought I would tell this guy to sod off, then he told me his sob story and I gave in.

Having been driving for two hours (45minutes of that spent stationary at junction 7 on the M1) I decided to pull over at the next services and grab some food and a hot cuppa. This was agreed to by my better half and my dear old Nan who were passengers. We had some sandwiches and cups of tea all round, and took some time out.

On the way out, Nan and Laura decided they needed the loo and I said I would meet them by the car. This was where I was accosted, well, I say accosted, but maybe more for dramtic effect than realism.

As I walked up to the car I noticed a guy standing to one side talking animatedly on his mobile phone. As I walked past he saw me and shouted "Excuse me mate?!". I couldn't really ignore him so I stopped..."Yeah?"

"Can you help me?"

I was wary that this guy wanted a ride. "Erm...help you how?"

"I'm not a lunatic, don't worry"

"Hmmm" I thought. Is this what a lunatic would say to lull you into a false sense of security? I decided to test him.

"Isn't that what I lunatic would say?" I asked.

"I feel really uncomfortable doing this" He replied.

Being alone with this guy at 22:00 in a pitch black car-park wasn't exactly making me feel at ease either, but he didn't sound very threatening so I decided to take a couple of steps closer.

"What's up?" I queried. Looking at this skinny, straggly, young student looking guy who had moist eyes.

"I've been a real fool, I've been stuck here since five o'clock. I live in Brighton and I'm on my way to Milton Keynes. I didn't fill the car up with petrol, and I pulled in here to fill up but I don't have any money" and so his story began.

Charlie (for that was his name) got caught short and didn't have any money to put more petrol in the car. He asked the manager at the petrol garage if there was anything he could do to help, but no. The petrol manager marched him straight to the police station telling him they should be able to help in a 'it's not my problem' kind of way.

The police didn't do anything whatsoever except move his car from the short term car-park after two hours so he didn't get a ticket.

Charlie was a member of the RAC who said they would be able to tow him to the nearest garage, but as the fault with the car wasn't mechanical, they wouldn't be able to do much more.

His girlfriend (I wasn't sure whether she was in Milton Keynes or Brighton) went into her local Shell Garage and offered to pay money there for some petrol in Newport Pagnell for Charlie. Unfortunately, Charlie again had no joy.

He went in and spoke to the manager of the Welcome Break services, who wasn't able to do anything for him, but gave him phone numbers of other service stations to see if they would...alas no. Charlie then asked the manager if it would be ok if he could ask people for money on the premises. The manager being a kind-hearted soul said this would be fine with two conditions attached: 1) Don't approach any lone women, 2) If anyone complains you'll have to stop. Which is about where he was when I stepped in.

Throughout the whole conversation he was apologetic, and said he would understand if I wanted to cross-check his story with any of the people he mentioned. He looked cold, upset, and tired.

Normally I don't give money to strangers, but a) this guy was so genuine that I was nearly brought to tears by his sad story of being stuck in a motorway services for five hours, and b) I was so relieved that he didn't want a lift anywhere. I pulled a twenty out of my wallet and handed it over. He asked how he would pay me back and I told him not to worry about it, but he insisted that he take my details as he could never take money from someone and not give it back. I gave him a business card and he asked if it would be ok for him to call me tomorrow.

Both my Nan and my other half thought I was crayzee when they got back to the car and I told them what I had done, as did my Dad when we eventually arrived, but my theory is this:

It's a sad world where someone can be stuck in the middle of nowhere and have no-one believe him, and therefore probably die there. Even if he was a con-man, and the next guy is a con-man, and the next, and the next...if the next guy is in genuine need of help and I have to fork out money to all of them to help that one guy, then I am happy. I would want someone to help me if I was in that situation.

Oh, Charlie never phoned, I've been waiting for over 12 months.
( JimmerUK Everyone's Favourite Jim, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 12:52, Reply)

got caught out good and proper ,
was looking for a cheap metal detector(im an armourer so something handy for picking up spent shells) , saw an ad with a big picture of a metal detector, with the headline "find buried treasure with this amazing tool" , paid my twenty quid and they sent us a shovel.
(Chance1234 up for parole on, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 12:51, Reply)

Hmm
I'm a British Gas customer and I feel like I'm robbed every month (direct debits you see)

I paid them £3k to install central heating. Saying that it was to remove the old storage heaters and install a boiler, piping and radiators (and they did a bang up job - left the house clean too).

But £3k??

Mind you, having a warm house and hot water is kindof important.....

Size - I'll charge you less than £3k to find out. Or buy me a drink ;-) Or just be rachelswipe :-)

Ahem.

Sorry.

.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 12:47, Reply)

T-Mobile
I just rang T-Mobile to ask if they would upgrade my phone as my current one is falling to peices.

They said that due to my 18 month contract which ends in June, they can't do anything and anyway it's not their problem as they 'didn't make the phone'.

Then the guy asked me if-
'A friend had a phone I could borrow?'

It's a good job it wasn't face to face. I may have killed.
(mrwheels, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 12:44, Reply)

Gordon Brown
I have to come to work for a whole week just to earn enough money to give to Gordon Brown, just for coming to work.

Bastard.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 12:43, Reply)

British Gas
I am a British Gas customer.

But I buy my electricity from them.

I'm confused, and broke.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 12:39, Reply)

I'm going straight to hell...
I used to work for ‘Atlantic Gas Alliance’, a brokerage company specialising in ensuring that gas customers got the best deal on their supplier for a mere £30 a year service charge. The job involved terrorising pensioners into handing over their bank details and signing them up on the spot.

I lasted 4 hours. Turns out I have a conscience.


Went and worked for the Child Support Agency instead.

Sorry.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 12:39, Reply)

Thick as pigshit
I've been ripped off a fair few times but none gave me such entertainment value as this one. It almost made it worth it.

Way down south I used to live round the corner from a nice wee one-stop store which was run by some fairly pleasant staff with the exception of one fucking moron who was a walking advert for what happens when small-town siblings marry.

The guy wasn't nasty, just lazy, disinterested, and above all, fucking thick.

It wasn't as if he had the excuse of being disabled in some way, but if brains was shit he was wouldn't even have a sniff.

One night I popped round for a few bottles of wine, only to be dismayed upon seeing the shit-witted little closet-case behind the counter. Two bottles each costing a fiver. He took a £20 note off me and handed me back £5.

"Excuse me mate," I said you've short-changed me here."

"Oh . . . . well, I've alredy put it through the till," he moaned, looking at me as though that'd be enough to make me go away.

"But you owe me owe me £5," I said firmly.

"Well . . . I can't get it. It's in the till," he murmured, again shrugging and expecting me to just let him have my money. But I was going nowhere. It's the principle!

By now a queue was forming in the previously empty shop behind me. Fuck, I thought, this isn't looking good. The lone Scotsman causing trouble in a smalltown middle English shop and holding up the line. They're bound to hate me.
But I felt a swell of pride when suddenly a rough-looking gent behind me stepped in: "No! you overcharged this guy, you're legally obliged to give him his money back. Open the till and give him his money!"
The sheepish little dwarf behind the counter then hung his head and told his shoes: "I . . .I don't know how."

Suddenly it was like talking to a child. I felt a pang of sympathy for a guy who, although he'd proven his buffoonery on many occasions, was perhaps just having a bad day.

"Perhaps there's someone else here who does?" I asked.

Appearing to summon a mammoth effort on his energy reserves, he leaned over to the intercom next to him and slouched his shoulders, and wailed like a poilt child: "Rose . . .Rose . . . Come here. I need your help. . . Please I need you. . . Please."

Within seconds the friendly manager had made it through to the front shaking her head: "Don't worry about it. You deal with the other customers, and I'll give this man a refund."

What came next nearly floored me.

In what once more seemed like a titanic effort just to speak, he now seemed on the verge of tears: "Please Rose . . . Please. can't I just go and sweep the floor again?"

The whole shop was stunned. Not content to simply be the village idiot who had plagued us for years, he was now having some sort of very public breakdown with no regard for where he was or who was watching.

The manager was obviously embarrased for him now and became a little sterner but still warm: "No. There's a queue of customers. Just serve them."

But he wasn't done. **Shaking his head and looking at the ground**: "Please, . . . why. . why can't I just sweep the floors?"

"No!" the manager told him. "Just do your job."
Fuck me, I thought. Rain Man's having a breakdown right in front of us all.
At this point I'd been given the refund and was on my way out but I couldn't believe the way he'd acted.

I felt bad just for having to stand witness to it though, until a few weeks later in the pub I bumped into the guy who'd stood up for me. As a lifelong village resident he'd know for sure if the kid was perhaps "special".

"Nah," he replied. "He's just fucking thick."

Last I heard some friends down there said he's still working in that shop, and he's STILL displaying traits from the shallow end of the gene pool.

I guess some poor fuckers are just doomed by their own ineptness
(Barry Subchimp, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 12:38, Reply)

Plumbers
A little old lady friend of mine called in a plumber to repair her loo.
Usual exhorbitant call out fee, but the kicker was the bill for parts:-
"spherical floation valve cutoff device" 50 quid.


A ballcock in the local diy shop costed approx 7 quid.
(DrTeeth, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 12:27, Reply)

British Gas swines
Regarding the utter cowboys that are British Gas...

I had to phone them up this week for the third time to remind them that I don't actually have an account with them so could they kindly stop billing me. Well I say me, my surname was spelt incorrectly but the address was right.

The first bill they sent me was for about 20 squids, phoned 'em up and was told "Terribly sorry sir, the account has now been cancelled".

Second time was very similar.

This week a bill for £420 for 3 months gas! In a pretty small flat which I often only stay in during the week and due to being a lazy bastard rarely use the gas cooker. The people below seem to always have their heating on which keeps my place pretty warm. So how on earth they came to this figure I have no idea.

Makes you wonder how many people just pay up without questioning it.

To conclude, British Gas = bunch of thieving bastard gypo retards.
(Asbo Enthusiast, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 12:26, Reply)

Ripped Off every month
I get ripped of every month by the council.
the charge me £150 each month and all i get from it is my bins emptied every 2 weeks.
i dont have children who use the school, i am a fully trained firefighter so dont really need the firebrigade and there is hardly any crime where i live (the local police station actually closes at night and only has a desk clerk on)

So where is my money going?
(THE_TRUFFLE_PIG, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 12:25, Reply)

Angry
PJM - You're an angry, angry man. I salute you :-)

This is a story of a lightbulb.

Had my Rover 220Sdi in for a service at the Rover Dealer - they called me to tell me "that my indicators weren't flashing orange enough" - I told them to just deal with it.

Charged me £25 to change 2 indicators.

How fucking stupid am I?

Gets better - the same dealer charged me £60 to tell me that there might be a battery drain. A fact that I'd discovered when it was a cold week (several years ago) and the battery had drained.

Again with the "how stupid am I" question.

I'm not that stupid now - Now I drive a new Passat :o) And no, I don't have a pipe and slippers :-P

Size? Hold on tight baby ;-)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 12:21, Reply)

A pint of soda Water and lime
At a local went up from 80 pence to £2.50, where as a smaller glass of soda and lime was 20 pence.

The excuse was that as a pint it was reclassified as a pint mix and therefore was a premium price.

I was told this after ordering the pint. grrrr
(DrTeeth, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 12:20, Reply)

Enough to make you turn to drink
Went to the pub with my Dad to watch football. As i was on loads of prescription drugs for kidney disease i couldn't drink, so had a pint of lemonade and lime.

It was more than my Dad's pint!!...£2.40 for mine and £1.90 for a pint of bitter. And all it is is some fizzy water and a bit of syrup.

Robbing bar stewards! (You should click I like this, purely for that play on words i reckon)
(turtles head is touching cloth poked a dwarf on the forehead at, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 12:19, Reply)

Amsterdam
For first timers:

Make sure you negotiate the fee BEFORE going in to the booth.

I found out the hard way...or soft depending which way you look at it.
( Regger, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 12:09, Reply)

MOT 'REPLACEMENT TYRE'
I once had an Astra as a company car which turned 3 years old and had to have an MOT. Dropped it off at the dealership and went back to work.

Later, i got a phone call saying that everything was ok, but the spare tyre was bald and they could replace it for about £30 (can't remember exactly, as quite a few years ago). Told them not to bother.

Went round to the dealer and in front of about a dozen customers asked for the service manager who had phoned me. When he arrived i VERY loudly asked if he could show me whereabouts on the tyre THAT HAD NEVER BEEN USED it was bald, why he tried to charge me for a job they would not actually do, and had he heard of the Trading Standards Authority.

Never seen someone go that red before without their head exploding.

Our company never used that dealership again, so they lost thousands for the sake of about £30.
(turtles head is touching cloth poked a dwarf on the forehead at, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 12:09, Reply)

Ripping Off Alcoholic Underage Girls
is a fun sport and easy too. Once I was approached by a group of 14 year girls who wanted me to buy them a bottle of wine from the local offie. They handed over ten quid, and I said I would keep the change. I go into the offie, and tell the manager about the girls. Then I bought a bottle of ice-berg (alcohol free "white wine" shite) and ask him to wrap it up a brown paper bag.

I hand over the package to the girls and continue on my way.

alcohol free wine £2.00
me buying shite £8.00
14 year girly screaming and swearing priceless
(DrTeeth, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 11:58, Reply)

rugby clubs
Picture this:

A run down hell hole of a rugby club run by
a lardarsed lazy c*** who hired a 16 year old kid to be a barman, at 4 pounds an hour (slave driver...) at a 14 hour shift with NO breaks because everyone in buckhurt hill is an alcoholic. The amount of laws they broke at that place, I still have yet to report them.

BARRY CONNELLY (the landlord) AND BANCROFT RUGBY CLUB I WILL HATE YOU FOREVER YOU SLAVE DRIVING PRICKS.
(trippeh, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 11:58, Reply)

New cinema in Swansea's opened
£6 per ticket (fair enough), £8 for a half-full medium sized coke, and a small packet of popcorn? Get the fuck out.

12p for a blank disk after some torrents...that's £13.88 left for a Chinese from next door too.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 11:55, Reply)

Traveling Expenses
A couple of years back I decided to move to England. I thought I would pop over to Southport where my mate lived and scope the place out. I did not like it and came home. This is how the traveling expences worked out for me and the girlfriend.
Taxi from my mates house to the train station £2.20
Train from Southport to whatever that station just before Liverpool is called £5.00 each
Taxi to the ferry port £2.00
Ferry to Dublin £10.00 each.
-----------------
Total to get from Southport to Dublin - £34.20 (about 50 Euro)

Taxi from Ferry at Dublin to Heuston train station EUR 27
Train to Co. Kerry EUR 60 each
Taxi to my folks house 12 EUR
-----------------
Total to get from Dublin to Kerry - EUR 159

Note that both taxi journeys were less than 10 minutes, you gotta love Irish transport. A distance over the same journey cost me three times as much!
(oeb, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 11:46, Reply)

Ripped off - I was savaged!
Curry house - Tudor Road, Cardiff opposite the tattoo shop, sit down as well as takeaway. One curry and rice to go, give the guy at the desk a £20, get £1.50 change.

Now get this - taking the order he speaks perfect English, dipute the bill, doesn't understand a word!

F**cker
(ElGatodeBarco, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 11:42, Reply)

Wanksy
Banksy is the biggest rip-off in modern history.

Fake, graffiti-claiming, media whore sells ripped off stencils for £50k.

You should check out Peter Kennard for where he gets some of his inspiration
(ProjectLoft RebelWithoutAPulse, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 11:32, Reply)

British Gas
b*stards.

In a flat on the Commercial Road in the east end. Told that I owed £1300 for a quarter. Phone them. Ahem, does this sound right to you? There's an enormous shop below us that pretty much shares the same address. I think it must be for them.

"Listen sir, we get a lot of calls like this and I can tell you now that 98% of the time the customer's wrong.' Jaw drops.

How do you explain it then?

"Well sir, our charges over a quarter are only ever estimations. Clearly someone's actually read your meter and made up the difference of what you've actually used."

£1300??????

Threat of bailiffs, court orders, the whole thing for three months, 20 phone calls to 20 different hapless phone-monkeys until I get a letter saying they 'read the wrong meter'. No sorry. No nothing. Screw you.

Beware.
(sadler, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 11:29, Reply)

oh yeah, and...
...at a cafe in Montmartre 6 years ago, ordered 2 Cokes and an orange juice, £12.

Impressively, I believe they were even watered down.

*applauds*
(pandora peroxide thinks it's a blocker, master! on, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 11:23, Reply)

British Gas bill for no gas!
My parents old house was all electric and the gas pipe stopped before their driveway about 10 metres from the house.

So one day the doorbell goes and the gas man complains the meter isn't outside can he come in and read it. Knowing there isn't one and he might be a perv my 13 year old brain says "No!" and he tells me he'll have to estimate the bill then.

In due course a bill arrives for a gas connection we don't even have. Then the red bill, then the black one threatening court action. My Dad is loving it and looking forward to a court appearance.

Until the touchy feely lady from the gas board knocks on the door to ask;
"Are you having trouble paying the bill?"
"No"
"Why haven't you paid it then?"
"I don't think we have to."
Now she looks a little self righteous,
"So why do you think you don't have to pay your bill when everyone else does?"
"We don't have gas."

She clearly wasn't expecting this. In fact I don't think she believed it. So I said, "Dad says he's looking forward to going to court and making you lot look like plonkers!".

Sadly they withdrew their court action and Dad never got his day.

However it's proof that British Gas will try and bill anyone.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 11:20, Reply)

Vauxhall are a bunch of
Seal set for intakes (O ringsx6, special seals 3x2 and 2x3) Vauxhall's price 94.85 + VAT.
O rings to aircraft spec 17p each (local supplier)
Special seals £22 inc vat delivered (Autovaux.
All in GM packaging.
I don't buy my spares from Vauxhall.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 16 Feb 2007, 11:19, Reply)