Cruel
You think kids are cruel? Bullshit. Nobody takes the piss out of kids as ruthlessly and effectively as teachers. It's all behind closed doors of course (like Groundskeeper Willy going "Ah'm Milhoose!"), but for every stupid nickname given to a teacher, they respond with one for the kids. They know the ones that smell of wee, the ones wearing pyjamas to school, the semi-autistic special cases, the spunkers who smell of fag smoke and handjobs, the fatsos and sissies, the pseudo-hardmen and needy geeks - but they've got twenty or more years and much more education, and are usually far more witty with it.

The cruellest thing I ever was privy to was when I was on a placement during my teacher training year (I left the profession some years ago). I was manfully trying to impose my will and lesson plan on an apathetic group of 14 year-olds who were wondering who the fuck I was, when there was a knock on the door. I went to answer it, and there was a young girl with livid ginger hair that looked unbrushed since birth, in a badly home-knitted jumper, with buck teeth and the coarse red cheeks which curse some gingers.

She said, "Mr Andrews asked me to give you this." She passed a note. I opened it. It said, "THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE UGLIEST KID IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL."
(McChinaman banned, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:12, 28 replies)

Left the profession now you say?
"lessin plan on a apathetic group"
(Troutbiscuits, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:18, closed)

I have no idea what you're talking about
*cough*
(McChinaman banned, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:19, closed)

Ninja edits the spelling mistake
...and leaves the grammatical error :D
(Troutbiscuits, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:32, closed)

This
I hear this from my friends who also teach all the time; although this is sheer brilliance.
(Schumann makes awesome quiches., Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:19, closed)

Where was the school?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:19, closed)

I don't think it was in China.

( girlinthehole, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:20, closed)

Oh I dunno...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:22, closed)

I think that's best left unsaid

(McChinaman banned, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:20, closed)

of course

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:23, closed)

very funny...
but so wrong!
(Studentken is looking for motivation on, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:19, closed)

Fuck my hat
This is awesome.
(i.charlius *Two Ronnies Theme*, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:19, closed)

Ha!
I've heard similar stories from my better half (now lamenting the fact that her school has no staff room). Best of all was The Honey Monster - you didn't need to have worked there to know who she was.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:20, closed)

*click*
hehehehehe
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:23, closed)

This is absolutely fucking magnificent.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:23, closed)

Yeah
My parents were both teachers and my Dad used to play this game. You used to have to try and send one back from your class who trumped the previous messenger.

you can also do a version whilst invigilating exams - each take it in turns to go round the room and pause next to the most repulsive (or most attractive) kid.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:24, closed)

Attractive?
Erm...
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 16:09, closed)

Teachers
have eyes as well, you know
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 16:39, closed)

'some gingers'
Are you ginger and rosaceous?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:24, closed)

"Roseaceous"
I dun learned a new word, ma!
(McChinaman banned, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:31, closed)

I may have reappropriated it

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:36, closed)

could be an early winner

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:31, closed)

^ I'll second that

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 15:06, closed)

Poor Ginger
Still hilarious though.

Glad I was never the one to pass notes to other teachers as a kid.
(Aruu does not put all her trust in root vegetables., Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:35, closed)

Went on at my school too
Our teachers had a long-running game called "Oh Hello!", the rules of which are laid down HERE.

Christ, they were like a bunch of kids...
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:36, closed)

You monster. I WAS that ginger girl.
(cowler and for those reasons... I'm out, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:43, closed)

Ha ha ha ha!

( Smallbrainfield, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 14:45, closed)

I don't like this
I fucking love this.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 8 Sep 2011, 15:24, closed)

hahahahahahahah! That is fantastic!

( theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 15:24, closed)

Brilliant!
An early winner for sure.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 15:36, closed)

now this is genius

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 15:40, closed)

*click*
Gets my vote. Funny as fuck!
(Mao's stepson is doing his bit for East/West relation's, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 17:43, closed)

If this doesn't win
I will cry like that poor girl must have every night ...
(Monkeyofspong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 17:16, closed)

Really happens
I've done it myself. In fact I once got the entire class to go into another teachers room and sing "chick chick chick chick chicken".
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sun 11 Sep 2011, 23:47, closed)