The Chickenlady Guide to Giving The Talk
Ever since my sons (now 10) have been very small I've been very open and told them the bits that they were ready for regarding sex… So here is my guide to Giving The Talk


Talk One - The basics of Biology

This is a pearoast from Animal Cruelty -

When they were about 6 I got hold of some fertile eggs because one of my hens (Ethel) was broody. She duly sat on them and produced four cockerels and only two hens. The chicks were lovely but within a few weeks the young cocks had become just that and were harassing all of the hens…several times a day to the point that the favoured hens had no feathers on the tops of their heads and many of them had now got bloody scabs from the over enthusiastic males holding them with their beaks.

When your young children have seen hens being given a good seeing to on a regular basis sex education is pretty easy, or so I’d thought. The following conversation is etched on my memory…

Son #1 “Mummy, what is Hector [Hector was the biggest cockerel and therefore it was his house...] doing to all the hens?”

Me “He wants to give them chicks”

The kids were already well aware that hens lay eggs regardless of whether there’s a cockerel about or not (some adults are unaware of this, and more than once I’ve heard an egg referred to as a ‘Chicken abortion’ erm….no it’s unfertilised…and will never ever become a chick, you idiot).

Son #1“But how?”

Me“Ah…well….you know how you have a winkle?”

He nods, interested now (typical male…any mention of genitalia and they’re all ears…as it were…)

Me“Well…Hector has one too”

Son #1“Where?”

Me“Under his feathers. Anyway, he jumps on the hen’s back and he puts his winkle into the hen”

Son #1“Where?”

Me“Erm…where the eggs come out”

Son #1“UP HER BUM!!??”

Me“Yes…but it’s called a Vent in chickens”
(Can you tell I used to be a primary school teacher?)

*Boy thinks*

Son #1“Mummy….”

Me“Yes darling?”

Son #1 “Is that how people get babies?”

Me“Pretty much, yes, but they always ask first and they always should like each other a lot”

Son #1“So…Daddy…and you…..”

Me“Yes”

Boy looks slightly shocked…

Me“It’s alright you know, when you get older you’ll understand that it’s okay and nice too.”

Boy begins to cry…

Son #1“But Mummy….I’ll never be able to do that!”

At that point I’m afraid I had to stifle my giggles, gave him a hug, told him it would be okay, he *would* be able to do it and would want to do it, then I sent him outside to play.

Ten minutes later I went out to see what the kids were up to….and I see my son chasing the cockerel around the garden shouting at him, “You git! You didn’t ask her if she wanted chicks! Leave her alone!”
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 11:27, 13 replies)

Aaaah!
I wonder if ever I was that innocent.

Click!
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 11:31, closed)

I loved this the first time
I was a mere lurker then, but now I shall click with glee!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 12:03, closed)

that rooster
was obviously a complete cock.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 12:45, closed)

I was that innocent once
But I grew out of it pretty damn smartish!
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 14:16, closed)

Haha, excellent stuff!
And that egg thing narks me off as well. I knew one lass who wouldn't believe me that eating eggs wasn't eating dead foeti.

Sigh.
(LordMatthius http://www.justgiving.com/marathon-matt2009, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 15:51, closed)

....
Me too. Thats why fried eggs are small, shrivelled, sad-looking black things at our breakfast table, "to make sure its dead"

Bless
(Fleximus Rex briefly gave up lurking on, Sat 27 Sep 2008, 2:00, closed)

I tend to refer to them as
chicken periods.
(DiscoStew, Sat 27 Sep 2008, 12:02, closed)

Aww
Your son sounds so sweet! *has hope for future of country*
(ToysForBigBoys would spread her legs for Nick Clegg., Sat 27 Sep 2008, 14:24, closed)

This!

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:16, closed)

What a sweetie ....
I may insist on introducing him to my now 8 year old daughter in a few years .... especially as he's going to keep his hands to himself!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Sat 27 Sep 2008, 16:05, closed)

And he'll buy her a drink first.
Always a good thing!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sat 27 Sep 2008, 16:24, closed)

I wanted to click this in the Animal Cruelty QOTW
Thanks for the pearoast

* click *
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 12:15, closed)