first
i've never really had a shit holiday. so i'll go with the duke of edinburgh camping trips that we had to do, because my friend persuaded me that "regular detentions for wearing eyeliner and skiving sports for the whole of sixth form" wouldn't look great on the extra-curricular sections of our ucas forms.

it was fucking horrific. slogging heavy rucksacks around, walking in 20 mile circles in a bloody april snowstorm when the straight road would have taken 1 mile, pitching our tent in a field full of stones on an incline, with a cow giving birth in the next field and bellowing all night. my friend needing a shit in the worst way possible and having to walk for 8 more miles because there wasn't a single toilet anywhere in the peak district. when we reached a pub and it was closed, she actually cried.

i got bollocked because we had to bring 10 chocolate bars for emergency energy rations, and my mum bought me those 100 calorie halo bars. then i got bollocked again because we ate them all.

my friend smoked a cigarette in the tent, dropped it on a plastic plate, and we were one bottle of cola away from going up in a miserable camping inferno. except that the fucking thing was probably too wet to ignite anyway. then she "got lost" in her sleep and ended up sprawled on top of me, trying to push me through the cold clammy tent wall.

the tent was small, cramped, smelly, and cold, it was uncomfortable, everything was wet and full of spiders in the morning. and yet people who aren't doing d of e do this for fun? why? how?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 10:35, 45 replies)

the most gutting thing is that no employer in history has ever been impressed by DofE on a CV

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 10:43, closed)

Are you one these Michael Gove types, who view children's formative years as little more than preparation for the jobs market?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 10:58, closed)

no ... I'm saying exactly the opposite of that
DofE has become a default CV filler ... it's like an outward bound A level

I'd much rather employ somebody who did stuff off their own back ... or just dicked about like a normal teenager
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 11:22, closed)

Right-o.
I've always assumed that kids got involved in DofE, Scouting, and such, because they enjoyed that sort of thing, rather than because they had one eye on their future CV.
Maybe some kids were considerably more forward looking than I was.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 13:31, closed)

oh I'm sure some of them are just terrible dweebs who genuinely want to go camping with other dweebs
but for pushier schools and parents they're definitely a CV tick box
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 13:34, closed)

employer body
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 10:58, closed)

This is SO hot.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 10:51, closed)

It is pretty 'in tents'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 10:52, closed)

even your mum hates you

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 10:54, closed)

even your mum thinks you're a bit odd for needing to reply to 95% of the stories

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 10:56, closed)

yeah ... but your mum thinks I'm H.O.T.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 10:56, closed)

'not bad for a fat queer' were her exact words

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 10:58, closed)

heart of gold, that woman
and surprising pelvic floor control for a woman her age
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 11:02, closed)

quinchy would have more of a chance of finding out than a raw piece of 100% pure internet with a dogshit coloured jacket and a bumbag

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 11:06, closed)

oooh, a frog with a dog.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 11:15, closed)

upset sock puppet week was last week

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 11:23, closed)

No, it's every week, stupid. God, don't you know anything?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 11:25, closed)

I know your mum

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 11:29, closed)

A+++++ WOULD BANTER AGAIN!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 11:31, closed)

Any photos of real life Shambolic appreciated.
Links, images, etc. Also Amorous Badger's fat wife, as my last request for these was deleted.
(SlantedScience, Sat 16 Aug 2014, 3:29, closed)

I've got loads.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 16 Aug 2014, 8:56, closed)

Giz one.

(SlantedScience, Sat 16 Aug 2014, 16:25, closed)

nah ... you'll just get scab weepings on it

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 16 Aug 2014, 16:48, closed)

Cock weepings, maybe.
Assuming you are the eminent surgeon/binman/billionaire/hobo/white man/black man/brown man/fat man/thin man that b3ta tells me you are.
(SlantedScience, Sun 17 Aug 2014, 3:28, closed)

I'm all of those things and so much more.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 17 Aug 2014, 11:03, closed)

Why on earth would you want them, you fucking weirdo?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 18 Aug 2014, 8:25, closed)

I'm irre-fucking-sistible.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 18 Aug 2014, 9:52, closed)

Got to put something on the mantelpiece
to keep the kids away from the fire
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 20 Aug 2014, 11:00, closed)

Both of the above
Plus, I'm admittedly quite curious as to whether Amorous Badger really has an enormowife, with titties like burst zeppelins and a gunt that could swallow the Minnesota Vikings' defensive line.
(SlantedScience, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 2:00, closed)

There is a large toilet in the peak district
it's called 'anywhere outside the tent'.
(username failed moderation, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 11:16, closed)

ladies can't shit outdoors
that's why we will never have a lady prime minister
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 11:24, closed)

We have a lady deputy prime minister, so
it's not impossible.
(username failed moderation, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 11:30, closed)

Ladies don't poo at all
they just leave little pellets of rose petals
( Glovington, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 11:34, closed)

I wondered who kept spilling pot pourri on the coffee table

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 11:58, closed)

poo pourri

(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 13:49, closed)

poo poori

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 18:49, closed)

poo poo wee

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 19:40, closed)

Down with popery!

(Woodlouse say it with flowers. Send her a Triffid, Sat 16 Aug 2014, 23:19, closed)

That was weewee good.

(SlantedScience, Sun 17 Aug 2014, 3:28, closed)

urine da money...

(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Wed 20 Aug 2014, 22:35, closed)

No because we kept seeing other groups
Not surprisingly she didn't want to be the kid that shat herself in public.

Also we may have refused to let her have any emergency toilet roll because when you are 16, someone walking all cramped over because they need a dump is hilarious
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 12:00, closed)

(^(^;;^)^) UNGRATEFUL MAMMAL!
(^(^;;^)^) TEAM SPIDERS KEPT YOU COMPANY, AND YOUR TENT FREE OF FLIES AND YOU NEVER EVEN GAVE US CURDS AND WHEY!
(^(^;;^)^) THAT WAS TEAM SPIDERS WORST HOLIDAY EVER!
(^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 15 Aug 2014, 11:50, closed)

THEY CAN GO ALRIGHT
GO RIGHT AWAY
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Aug 2014, 15:35, closed)

I enjoyed what I did of the DofE.
Unfortunately, my friend and I were always handing our plans in late and got kicked out just before the very last hike. Personally, I think the teach was just looking for an excuse to stick us one.
(Richy_T hundreds if not thousands of dollars, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 17:45, closed)

i hated it
my friend blackmailed me into it, by talking about my ucas form. when i realised how shit it was, i tried to pull out, and she gave me a hard time.

and then she killed a canary on the animal welfare part of the course......................
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Aug 2014, 16:55, closed)