Important Question
You know how sometimes when you have not been chewing your corn on the cob enough how you get bits of it in your poo? Well what other foods does it happen with?

If you eat enough funny coloured food, will it change the colour of your poo?

If you freeze poo for a few months, will it regain its original texture and smell when it thaws? Why or why not?

You know how sometimes you have those 'Phantom Poos'? You know the type that I mean ... You go for a big poo, and you are sitting their straining away, feels like it is never gonna come out ... Suddenly, sweet release. You stand up, wipe and look down and the bowl is empty!#@ Who stole my poo? Do you lend any credence to the existence of poo gnomes? Where do they hide when you are pooing?

Do girls poo? Someone told me I often ruin my chances with women by talking about poo. Why is this? I make sure to include all other important points in the conversation too! "Hi, you look very pretty today. Did you get your hair done? It suits you! How do you feel about going for a meal later? If you want I can take you shopping first, it's on me! I had a big poo today, ohh God the smell! It streaked the bowl and everything! There was bits of corn and everything! How about you? Did you poo today? Have you seen that movie about poo? It's called two girls one cup. Here, look I have a video on my phone!"
Why does this ruin my chances? I thought girls liked complements, food, shopping, mutual hobbies and sharing of interesting stories.

You know how when dog poo gets old it goes white and hard? Does this happen to human poo? Why or why not?

When I wipe I use big handfuls of paper, big giant ones. But some people only use a couple of sheets at a time. Do they get poo on their fingers?

How come only some farts smell but all poo smells?

How come some poo floats and some sinks? If you tied a lot of the floaty poo together could you make a boat? How long would it last? I think the captain would be safe, cause no sharks would eat something that sails across the ocean on a giant poo.

If you can freeze poo, can you shave it down and use it as a poo pencil?

Why do people call an emerging poo a turtle head? That's silly! Poo has no flippers!

How come some people poo every day but some people poo every other day and some other people only poo once a week!

Is it possible to poo without going for a wee half way through? Is it possible to poo, wee and sneeze at the same time?

You know those explosion poos? The ones where you sit down, grunt, and pebble blast the side of the toilet? I don't like them. They make my bum sore.

Thank you for the time you have taken to answer my important questions.
(oeb, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 15:41, 14 replies)

...
Despite myself, I clicked...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 15:43, closed)

...
this is great. The truly important questions that plague us all. (By "us", I think I mean b3tans). I really want answers now. Do you think they'd answer them at those science lectures they show on tv every Christmas?
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 15:45, closed)

I couldn't not click
Floaty poo is to do with the amount of fat in it or something

Sinky poo... you've got me there.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 15:47, closed)

Very interesting, on many levels:
- Your poo has no flippers. Do you have enough evidence to generalise?
- I suspect if you eat enough copper sulphate, your faeces might turn that pretty blue colour. However, you are unfortunately likely to die before you can reap the benefits.
- Simultaneously defecating, micturating and sneezing is possible, but deeply disorientating.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 15:49, closed)

Poo colour?
Beetroot. Lots of beetroot.

Next morning, glance in the loo - you'll think that you're DYING OF SOME AWFUL BUM ILLNESS! Looks disconcertingly like you've shat a kidney or two.

The fear!
(Happy Idiot Talk now has an alibi for, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 15:50, closed)

TSC
I'll have you know that in the early 1980s the World Health Organization conducted worldwide studies into poo. Their research successfully concluded that poo had now flippers.

I would provide references but I ummmm ... lost them.
(oeb, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 15:54, closed)

i'll do my best:
I've found not only corn but peanuts in my poo before. No other distiguishable food types, although if i experiment it might make the newsletter

Beetroot, guiness, Blu bols all change poo colour.

girls don't like talking about poo, usually because it smaells worse than man poos. Talk to your mates about poo, they'll be pelase to discuss size shape and funny smells. A poo capable of clearing the upper floors of a house should be celebrated.

I use 2 sheets at a time, I don't get poo on my fingers, unless it's cheap paper, then tearing (paper, not me) occurs, this is not a pleasent expereince.

some people put off pooing if they can, it's time consuming, Freund has theories about these people not wanting to part with something of there, I myself look forward to my quality thinking time every morning.

Poo explosions can be caused by lots of things, especially bacteria, I hate them as it feels like the world is falling out of my bottom.
( Moonraker isn't the droid you were looking for, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 16:05, closed)

Wow!
I'd not thought of at least 8 of these questions before. I'm sure they will now plague me for eternity.


Also *Giggles* @ Supreme Crow
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 16:33, closed)

My answers
I'm a girl and I talk about poo. Sometimes I text my other half to let him know if I had a particularly good one. He doesn't mind.
FYI - today, I have had 2!

I hardly ever wee halfway through a poo, normally wee first, then poo. Recently I did fart halfway through a poo and my housemate asked me afterwards why I was giggling on the toilet.

Sometimes you can have unsmelly poos. These are good times.

My ex-boyfriends dad went to the doctor once because his poo smelt so bad.

I've never seen frozen poo. Let me know if you find out any more about this one.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 16:50, closed)

Food that appears in your poo
Brown rice if it isn't cooked for long enough and beansprouts.
(mmm....beer, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 16:56, closed)

^^^^
and black beans
(chase, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 17:57, closed)

wow!
Much food for thought here....

1. As well as niblets, I find most seeds come straight through unscathed - I eat lots of NICE seeded BAPS

2. Coloured foods - not really sure.

3. I reckon poo would definitely retain it's smell after freezing / defrosting. We feed our dog tripe that's been frozen & it reeks of fresh wee. Consistency would alter, I imagine; think how fats disintegrate on freezing.

4. Phantom poos - that's a great mystery.

5. I am a girl and talk about poo / my bowel habits to everyone I know. What could be more natural?

6. White dog poo - a blast from the 70's. These days most dogs are fed on dried food, hence stinky nasty poo. A year or so ago we discovered the BARF diet (bones and raw food) and since feeding our dog on that, her poos turn white after a couple of days - I think thats the raw bones in her diet, so can't imagine human poo reacting the same way. If you like, I could deposit one of my poos in our garden (next to a dog poo) and chart any changes?

7. I don't want poo on my fingers, oh no, like to use thick reams of bog-roll. Must get through several a week since I poo 3-4 times a day.

8. Smelling bad is an intrinsic quality of poo. Perhaps it's to do with marking territory? Or is that just wee....

9. It floats if you've eaten plenty of fibre, sinks if you haven't.

10. Don't fancy a poo pencil.

11. No flippers lol :o) "touching cloth" it is then.

12. See 7. Depends on diet / colonic health / digestive system etc.

13. It's a blighter when the urge to wee interupts mid-poo. Depending on the tone of one's pelvic floor / ringpiece et al the processes of elimination could be alternated. My preference is to wee first, then flush as the poo is 1/3 out so that depending on velocity / weight ratio, any splash-back is clean water. I am a girl and technically we can do both simultaneousy but I find that a tad distasteful. I have on occasion done a poo-wee-sneeze: the sneeze caused my sphincter to snap off the poo half-way on its journey, wee was also interupted mid-flow. My thighs were covered in bogey-snot, then poo part deux emerged together with wee causing unclean splashback. Wouldn't recommend it.

14. Yep, explosion poos are not nice. My bottom does not like those either because they can sting and I have an anal fissure and that smarts and bleeds.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 21:43, closed)

I knew a man at uni
who had gone to a boys school and uni was his first contact with real girls.

He honestly thought that girls didn't poo or fart, really.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 27 Mar 2008, 23:21, closed)

Changing colour
Squid ink risotto turns poo a beautiful charcoal colour, and when you wipe your bottom afterwards you get lovely black smears on the paper.

Oh, with respect to poo fingers in the event of not enough toilet paper- I lived for a while in Pakistan, where there is no vogue for toilet paper. You have a watering can and scoop the stuff away with your fingers. This is why it is considered impolite there to eat with your left hand- that's the one with poo fingers.
(I grew it myself, Sat 29 Mar 2008, 9:14, closed)