not sure if this counts
but it does involve my ass and it just happened so i'm going to post it anyway.

i've just got in from a night out and i've stripped off the clubbing gear and am standing starkers in the bathroom taking off jewellery and makeup. except that i've put my illegally high and painful red heels back on because the floor is cold. this is the first bit of background.

the second is that i have NO idea how to work my shiny new central heating system. it has one of those digital thermostats and it's so far above my girly head that the heating comes on and switches off at whatever time and temperature it likes.

so, being mildly drunk and a complete fumbling twat, i manage to drop the butterfly back of my earring. it bounces over near the door. i scramble after it - i'm always losing the damn things - and bend down to retrieve it. but as i do so, the skyscraper heels throw me off balance and i stagger backwards. and accidentally sit on the heated towel rail above the radiator. with my bare ass.

i didn't sit on it for more than about 0.5 seconds. the pain is indescribable! now, i can't see my own bum from here, but i'm pretty sure that it's a very colourful sight.

and that would have been the end of the matter, except that, after much hopping around and cursing, i resumed taking off the makeup. i wadded up the 3 in 1 cleansing wipe and threw it at the bin, which is next to the radiator. again, being a girly girl who throws like a girl, i missed. walked across the room, bent down to retrieve it, with my front to the towel rail this time....

well, i can see my own boobs from here, and the right one has a big red stripe across it.

it is not a good look. anybody got any aloe vera??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 30 Mar 2008, 5:40, 13 replies)

buy an aloe plant tomorrow
or vitamin E oil. I use a combination of the two on my burns. I'm clumsy in the kitchen and have burned myself more times than I can count.

Sorry to hear about your stripes. And on such sensitive areas too!
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sun 30 Mar 2008, 5:51, closed)

Aloe Vera
is very good stuff - I've got some 'Paingel' stuff that works wonders.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Sun 30 Mar 2008, 9:43, closed)

Do not attemp risky manoevers...
Like taking off earings etc while under the influence and especially in heels. I only wear flats and I have had enough bangs and scrapes getting ready for bed while drunk to last a lifetime.
( girlinthehole, Sun 30 Mar 2008, 10:13, closed)

Again, no pictures...
Sigh...
( Sonic the Hedgetrimmer doesn't care what you think, Sun 30 Mar 2008, 10:31, closed)

Oh dear...
I guess now we've gotta call you Rachelstripe...

(I am so, VERY sorry)
(Orin delurked to post this gibberish on, Sun 30 Mar 2008, 10:55, closed)

Fuck! dont you jsut hate it when you hit "I like this" instead of the reply
Anyway what I wanted to say Is that YOU ARE FRANKSPENCERS ALTERNATE EGO. 2 accounts make this a reality.
That is all.
Carry on
( Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Sun 30 Mar 2008, 11:38, closed)

does that
mean you don't like me? murp!

very flattered though i am to be thought of as frankspencer2, i assure you it's not true. firstly this was not a hot, glamorous image. this was a pissed-up stumble.

and secondly, there was no steamy but jealous-makingly well written cunnilingus with the towel rail, the shower head (not at this point in the evening, anyway) or a midget brandishing an iron. so definitely not frank!

[edit: i was joking about the shower head. damn thing isn't detachable]

thanks to everyone else for the aloe vera/stripe pun/advice on flats. i am pleased to say that i can sit down this morning at least!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 30 Mar 2008, 11:49, closed)

theres nowt wrong
with matching ass and boob racing stripes!
( Zank Frappa Who let the lefties in?, Sun 30 Mar 2008, 14:23, closed)

hehheheheheh
Maybe you should call yourself R. STRIPE until it fades.
(allyourbasekris Hotdog, Jumping Frog, Alberquerque, Sun 30 Mar 2008, 17:31, closed)

Lavender oil
is also very good for burns, I believe. And mosquito bites.

We have lots of the stuff in the house. So why haven't I dabbed some on the mozzie bites I picked up in Greece last August, and which are still annoying the tits off me, 7 months later?




(I'm VERY allergic).
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 30 Mar 2008, 21:54, closed)

You really are the b3tan Bridget Jones...

( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 31 Mar 2008, 7:42, closed)

I
am willing to sacrifice myself to the cause, and kiss the burns better for you?
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 31 Mar 2008, 12:49, closed)

owwww.
Calendula is good for burns too, and do I ever feel your pain :( tipped the kettle over my hand the other week!
( Maladicta, Mon 31 Mar 2008, 18:29, closed)