It was supposed to be the happiest day of your life
I’ll remember that evening for the rest of my days. It was the evening that the light faded and the darkness overwhelmed me- I have yet to recover fully and my outlook is particularly bleak for the considerable future.

You were the light of my life and the memory of your blossoming from a small, shy child into an out-going and content young woman never fails to bring tears of joy into my eyes. I sat for years in the same room, cold and miserable, wishing that I could be free and happy to spend my life with you; longing for the ability to be a part of your life and to visit you whenever I could with armfuls of presents and love. For many years we did not speak and even now I count the months since our last sparse contact. It is the worst feeling imaginable for a father to lose contact with his beloved only child.

The Millennium had brought such joy to our family, you announced your pregnancy in the spring of 2000 and swiftly this led to an engagement. Richard was, and still is, a dream addition to any family of mine. He is a kind, gentle and respectable man whom I am honoured to have met and shared such joyous times with. The wedding was a quiet family affair, just as you had always daydreamed about as you rested across me as a child; you were never one for extravagance or showmanship. As the sunlight glanced through a break in the clouds onto you in your simple yet flattering dress, my chest swelled so much that I felt as if I was floating. Twenty-Four blissful years I had waited for this moment, the chance to be a proud father, and nothing could spoil it. The parish church of St Kieran’s on Islay was the perfect setting for this joyous occasion, simple but still beautiful. Some may assume that being able to look back on these memories may be cathartic, but if anything they deepen the depression and slash at my heart.

As our small number made the journey from the remote church to nearby Port Charlotte for the wedding breakfast, I beamed at the thought of my golden future, feeling even more optimism than during my teenage years. I had everything I could ever have dreamed about and more. The meal and festivities complete, the majority of those in attendance returned to their lodgings still basking in your radiance. However my beautiful wife, the older and wiser mirror-image of you, suggested a final walk along the coast, to take in the full beauty of a night in the Scottish Isles. We sauntered hand-in-hand for the final few minutes of my blissful existence, then sat on the rocks beside the lighthouse. There your mother told me of her affairs, multiple and fuelled by lust. It is often commented that there is no fury greater than a woman scorned, but my actions were greater still. When I close my eyes I can still feel the weight and shape of the rock that I reached out and lifted, moist from the sea air and intricately carved by the beating of the waves and the cruel winter winds. What I could never hope to replicate is the immediate feeling in the aftermath of her confessions; every shred of my soul collapsed and drew in towards my stomach before imploding and bursting outwards. As I reached the pinnacle of this emotion, the rock in my hand began colliding with her face time and again. Before I knew it, my soul had escaped and I was hollow.

If you speak to anyone who has passed through our lives, past or present, they will tell you that I served six years. If you speak to anyone who truly knows me, you will realise that without your love, I will serve my sentence until I die. Rebecca, I am sorry.
(Crompton, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 13:09, 59 replies)

is this a star wars thing?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 13:19, closed)

considering that I have never watched star wars, I would be suitably impressed if this somehow fit into the storyline.
(Crompton, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 13:45, closed)

You must have done - this is almost word for word the plot of Star Wars.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 14:04, closed)

^ What Fat Margaret said ^
I couldn't describe Star Wars better if I were to sit down and watch Star Wars, noting every scene in detail, and then reading it out to you while forcing you to watch the film.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 14:08, closed)

what film is this?

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 13:31, closed)

Star Wars, I think.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 13:38, closed)

lol wut?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 13:38, closed)

According to the Independent
the first murder to happen on Islay in thirty years happened in 2007, and the victim of that was a chap. Since the poster could not have done six years for a murder committed since then, this either happened more than forty two years ago, or it's a film.

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/islays-tranquility-shattered-by-first-murder-in-30-years-396104.html
(ubergeekian, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 13:43, closed)

Yeah.
Specifically, Star Wars.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 13:47, closed)

Still not getting the star wars suggestion...
(Crompton, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 13:49, closed)

Well you wrote it; you tell me.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 14:02, closed)

I'm guessing
Daphne Du Maurier?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 13:48, closed)

Jamaica Inn?

(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 13:49, closed)

No, she went in her own Accord
I assumed "Rebecca"
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 13:50, closed)

lol

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 14:01, closed)

Wait,
is this the plot of the next star wars film that disney is working on?
I think you ought to have marked this for spoilers mate.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 23 Jan 2013, 13:51, closed)

Straight outta Crompton.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 13:52, closed)

Nice one 'Darth Vader'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 14:06, closed)

Bloke smashes wife's face in with rock on daughter's wedding day.

Daughter reasonably doesn't forgive him.

Bloke builds death star and blows up planet whilst trying to get information about a small group of protesters.

Daughter still non-plussed.

It's gonna be awesome.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 14:13, closed)

Can we just have a tl;dr version, preferably with a news link?
Kthnxbai xxx
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 23 Jan 2013, 14:17, closed)

In a nutshell:
"Star Wars".
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 14:20, closed)

nutshell
A posh word for ballbag.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 14:23, closed)

Got any crack?

(Monty's Ex is sorry, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 14:27, closed)

okay
what is this from now? (other than star wars)
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 14:32, closed)

Star Wars, I think.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 14:32, closed)

probably star wars

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 14:42, closed)

I did not know the power of the dark side,
until I read this.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 14:37, closed)

Women eh?

( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 14:53, closed)

Can't live with 'em, can't blow up Alderaan!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 14:57, closed)

Clearly the force was TOO strong with this one.

( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 15:06, closed)

I find your lack of funneh disturbing.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 15:15, closed)

This is more like it
It may not be sexual exploits or drunken escapades, but it definitely is an extravagant lie.
Good'un.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 15:22, closed)

'The Rock'
that's it, that's the film
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 15:29, closed)

That's no rock.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 15:32, closed)

Chortle

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 15:49, closed)

is that the one where james bond works with face off to defeat the sniper from enemy at the gates?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 15:35, closed)

Yes

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 15:42, closed)

Is this the Tweenies? I heard they’re getting a bit edgy nowadays?

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 15:45, closed)

This must be the first post in about 6 months
to reach 40 odd replies without involving a load of internetz arguing and bitching and whinging

PS, your mums
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 15:51, closed)

Fuck off, cunt.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 16:02, closed)

Cheers

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 16:08, closed)

Well I liked it
Click
(Smale is stuffed, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 16:21, closed)

Isn't this the plot of "Serenity"?

( Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Wed 23 Jan 2013, 16:32, closed)

Serenity has a plot? fuck me sideways.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 16:43, closed)

Sorry, that was a stupid thing for me to say.

( Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Wed 23 Jan 2013, 17:14, closed)

I've got it
It's anal cum sluts III, isn't it? I knew I recognised the masterful plot management and character development.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 16:42, closed)

I prefered the book

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 18:07, closed)

Who didn't, old bean? Who didn't?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 18:10, closed)

Mrs B.
Which was a surprise. During our many visits to South-end she didn't let me take her up the pier, not even when drunk.
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 20:30, closed)

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 16:54, closed)

Gayniggers from Outer Space?

( Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Wed 23 Jan 2013, 17:15, closed)

Edgy.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 17:52, closed)

"In space, everyone can touch your spleen"

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 18:17, closed)

No, no. No attempt at some wanky edge. Its a real film.
Its shit.
( Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Wed 23 Jan 2013, 19:25, closed)

It ain't no Curse Of The Queerwolf is all I'm saying.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 24 Jan 2013, 8:33, closed)

TL;DR
Just tell me if it's the one with the little bears, the one with the big light sabre fight with Darth Vader, or the one with the little green fella.
( Fork Has lost his bash virginity!, Wed 23 Jan 2013, 20:05, closed)

Needs more penguins.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 24 Jan 2013, 8:32, closed)

I take it she survived judging by your sentence?
if so I suppose your marriage is.. on the ROCKS.

har har. har har. ha
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 11:30, closed)