We got onto the 0700 morning town overground commuter train into Mordor, and, unsurprisingly, it was packed.
There was a suited-and-booted guy with good hair, in his late 20s/early 30s standing in the middle of the increasingly packed end carriage.

"Alright, boss - would you mind moving along a wee bit so that the rest of us can fit in, please?" I asked politely, smiling.

"What. The. FUCK?!" he replied, "Where the FUCK do you expect me to fucking go, you cunt?! Fuck off!"

"Erm ... " I replied, somewhat taken aback, "Well - there's room behind you - about four or five feet of room ... "

"For FUCK'S SAKE, FUCK OFF!" he shouted at me.

Clearly a complete mentalist, I decided that, to avoid him kicking my fucking teeth in, I'd let the matter rest, and took to discussing the coming weekend with Mrs Vagabond, whence we were bound for my friend Al's gaff, for fun and frolics. We were discussing Al, and the amusingly unconcientiously camp thing he'd done, and how we'd nicknamed him Big Gay Al after the character in South Park. We moved from that conversation to discussing what we were going to do with our garden, and whether or not we should invite over S & P, and maybe have a little party, when "Yeah you fucking go on, sunshine" said mentalist, "You fucking go on."

"I'm sorry - what?" I enquired.

"Fucking talking about me, go on you cunt. I'm going to stitch you right up when you get off this fucking train I tell you, cunt, I will fuck you RIGHT up ... "

I decided that the stop we'd just got to would be perfectly adequate for our needs, and got the next train in from there, which was, thankfully, free of suited, normal-looking complete fucking mentalists.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 12:20, 21 replies)

I was just trying to be friendly. :(

( gone, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 12:35, closed)

a. you are a pussy.
2. your spelling is dreadful.

3/10, see me afterwards.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 12:36, closed)

X: Your listing is abominable.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 12:42, closed)

Pffft.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 20:04, closed)

Its because
she has one leg shorter than the other
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 24 Jul 2012, 9:56, closed)

Maybe her leg had just grow.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 24 Jul 2012, 11:57, closed)

Or perhaps one of them was further away so appeared shorter

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 25 Jul 2012, 15:27, closed)

As an internet hard-man,
you are somewhat lacking.
Couldn't you at least have produced a samurai sword, and decapitated him with it? It's a matter of record that the police would have made not attempt to aprehend you.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 12:47, closed)

An internet hardman?
In the words of Chaucer, WTF?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 12:56, closed)

I did an image search for hard men on the internet
and immediately regretted it :(
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 13:02, closed)

By "regretted" do you mean
"really enjoyed"?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 14:17, closed)

Never mind.
My attempt at satire has failed.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 13:04, closed)

I'm totally going to duff you up for that!
You'll get a knuckle sandwich and no mistake!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 14:16, closed)

Fucking keyboard warrior!
I hope you do come round to duff me up, so's I can run you down in my Accord.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 14:23, closed)

"Fucking talking about me, go on you cunt. I'm going to stitch you right up when you get off this fucking train I tell you, cunt, I will fuck you RIGHT up ... "
That line should have told you all you needed to know. Proper mentalists would just smack you. I bet if you had told him to fuck off he would have muttered a bit and then shut up.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 16:19, closed)

Agreed. A recent "incident" involving silly middle aged man in car who barged in front of me at petrol station. When politely stating that there was something called a queue, his potty mouth erupted forth with threats of violence involving breaking my face. When I replied to him to "take a pot mate, I hope you like hospital food. as I work in a hospital, I can assure you, they don't serve baby food. oh, and look at all the nice shiny cctv cameras to record you on!", he just muttered something, replaced the petrol nozzle thingy, got back in his car and fucked off.

A proper mentalist would have sprayed me with the finest petroleum product, and flicked a match in my general direction.

Then run over my charred remains in his honda accord, just for good measure.
( Tesco Quality 60.825659, -0.788337, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 17:51, closed)

Folk are so friendly and civilised down in the Smoke.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 20:17, closed)

is it just me, or does anyone else think this??
some people should have ended up splashed on their mum's tits....

people like this mental cunt shouldn't be polluting our fair world with their CO2 emissions, they should just put a bag over their heads and inhale/exhale frequently until there's no oxygen left in the bag, and then they should carry on breathing hard some more....

sometimes I look at people and think "If your dad had simply had a wank instead, the world would have been a better place!"
(Anne Frank started to build a loft conversion on, Tue 24 Jul 2012, 10:46, closed)

Suited and booted, paranoid. Reeks of the devils dandruff to me.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 24 Jul 2012, 13:44, closed)

^^ This
is what I thought..
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Wed 25 Jul 2012, 21:00, closed)

Sorry, didn't read most of that.
Was thinking about tits...
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Wed 25 Jul 2012, 11:54, closed)