Apple juice
My mother has never been very good with mornings. In my first year af primary school, at the tender age of six, I opened my packed lunch flask to discover that my apple juice smelled a bit off.

Flagging down the dinner lady, I discovered that my darling mother had managed to give me cider in my lunch box. I'm pretty sure it was only the fact she worked at the school and hence everyone knew she was a bit ditzy that stopped them calling in Social services.
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Wed 22 Aug 2007, 21:46, Reply)

"You wouldn't dare ..."
Apparently my mum had told my brother to take the rubbish out or she'd leave him out for the bin men as well... he uttered the immortal phrase "You wouldn't dare" and quick as a flash he's been sellotaped into in a bin bag up to his shoulders and left wriggling around in the front garden like a caterpillar !!!

He must have been about 8 and even now I cry laughing when I remember. I've been dunked fully clothed in a bath several times before I caught on !!!

Bless them !
(Nyanko I reject your reality and substitute my own., Wed 22 Aug 2007, 21:42, Reply)

Two Buck Chuck...
Funny, my parents are gold miners.

They keep sending me on gilt trips...

What? Oh...
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Wed 22 Aug 2007, 21:28, Reply)

Racist ? I blame the parents


When my sister was 4 she had a friend who was Afro-Caribbean. She used to go to his house and ask his mum “Is Harvey the darkie coming out to play?”. Yeah. Obviously a case of repeating what my folks had said.

If I didn’t behave when I was a child my folks told me Darkie Boolah was going to come and get me.

It didn’t get any better as we got older. My mate from senior school was of Vietnamese origin my parents insisted on calling her Susie Wong.

I really can’t believe I share DNA with these people.
(DryGoldfish, Wed 22 Aug 2007, 21:22, Reply)

My parents are travel agents...
...they send me on guilt trips all the time.
(Betsy Braddock Thee before thine, except after thou., Wed 22 Aug 2007, 21:21, Reply)

it's okay, i've got the dog!
Bless my Mum and Dad, but they had been trying for kids for some time. After the happy event happened, a few months down the line, Mum popped me in the pram, grabbed the dog lead and took doggie and me into town. Popped round the shops, getting things she needed as normal. Finished in supermarket, parked up pram to pack bags, untied dog's lead from pram, and wandered off home with the dog and shopping.

It was only when she got to the door that she realised that she'd left pram and baby me behind. Running full speed to the shops, she got there in time to get many accusing glances from policeman and shop attendants. "It's okay," she blurted, "I remembered the dog..."

It's remarkable that I turned out so perfect*.

(They gay thing aside, of course. I don't think pram-abandonment turns you poofy.)
(reech, Wed 22 Aug 2007, 21:06, Reply)

i'm veggie
purely because i hate meat. always have done. i hate the taste, the smell and the texture.

when i was little and refused to eat it, my dad (although he now denies this) used to lean over and hold my nose. when i opened my mouth to breathe, he would force the meat in with a fork. how horrid is that?!

although i realise that "father forces daughter to eat prime steak" is never going to make the nspcc front pages, it does now explain two of my biggest hatreds: meat and sloppy couples feeding each other...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 22 Aug 2007, 18:21, Reply)

My dad held my head underwater
Now I'm scared of water. Thanks, you wanker.
(whyamihere, Wed 22 Aug 2007, 18:17, Reply)

Terrible (Grand)Parenting
About 5.15 this evening while driving home from work along the Glasgow Road, which is one of the busiest main routes to the m8/m9 in Stirling I was quite happily thinking not long to go now when out of the corner of my right eye I saw a small child and by small i mean toddler size this poor little thing must've been about two FFS SHE WAS RUNNING ACROSS THE ROAD TOWARDS HER FUCKING FATHER/GRANDAD/SOME OLD PAEDO WITH NO SIGN OF ANY PARENTAL SUPERVISION ON HER SIDE OF THE ROAD LUCKILY THE CAR IN FRONT OF ME AND MYSELF WERE VIGILANT AND NOT TANKING IT UP THE ROAD AS PEOPLE USUALLY DO THERE AND WE MANAGED TO STOP THANKFUCK THE POOR WEE CNT WOULDVE BEEN MINCEMEAT. Her "grandad/fuckwit relative" then picked her up cuddled her and had the fucking cheek to GLARE AT ME cos i had the audacity to peep & shout "OH FOR FUCKS SAKE" - IF IT WASNT FOR ME YOU OLD CNUT THAT SMALL CHILD WOULD BE DEID - SOME PEOPLE SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO BREED. EVER.
(lynney666, Wed 22 Aug 2007, 17:59, Reply)