A ltter two teh ferrys
As it's Fathers Day, I think I should treat you to the tale of when my dad finally swallowed his pride and asked me for help. There's two things you should know prior to this story: 1. My father and I get along like kittens and a lawnmower. I've undergone 22 years of physical and psychological hell at his hands, only staying because a bunch of Tories got together 30 years ago and decided to make it impossible for me to get a place of my own while simultaneously affording luxuries such as gas, electricity and food. We exchange maybe two sentences a month. 2. Helen Keller could write a better letter than my father. Anyway, here we go....*wavy lines*

A few months back, the rest of the Badger family are off on a day trip to France. I'm not invited. After doing their bit of shopping and whatnot, they go to head back on the ferry. The bloke at the stall points out that my Dad, somehow, misbooked the tickets to state he'd be coming back a month later, not the same day. It's a choice of spending a month in France, or coughing up £80 to rectify the error. They choose the latter. The next day, Dad is at the computer writing a letter, giggling. He prints it off and shows it to my mother with pride, going on about how 'the bastards will pay'. She goes to the kitchen, tears welling up. Me being a curious chap, I take a look when he's not about. Below is the gist of the message:

'Dear Sir:

We booked a ticket with your company on [this day], aiming to come back the same day. I realise now that my wife must have made a mistake as I have never gotten it wrong myself in the past, and we were charged 80 quid to come back. Clearly she shouldn't have been allowed to book the tickets herself because she's dyslexic. If you give me my money back we'll call it even.

Thank you

Mr Badger'


'Well,' I thought 'I think I know how this is going to end.' Sure enough, a week later a letter arrives telling Dad in as many words that a) it was his own silly fault b) his letter was incredibly sexist and c) stop wasting their time. Faster than I could say 'I told you so', the letter is thrust upon me and I'm told that I'm far better qualified to do this than he is, so why don't I stop smirking and solve this problem myself. Yes, where I come from, that's the closest I've gotten to my father passing the torch. I got to work:

'To whom it may concern,

I am writing in regards to the aforementioned letter from my father in dispute of the additional charge incurred at his own ineptitude. I would like to apologise for the ill-mannered and sheer incompetence in which he addressed you. Clearly, he was in the wrong, and made a laughing stock of himself under the misguided ideal of redemption. However, to pin the problem on the dyslexia of his wife of 25 years when the fault was in reality his own, is barbaric at least. We don't want the £80 back, but would you please reply consoling my mother that the guilt shouldn't be hers?

Regards,

Foxy Badger'

I didn't expect to hear anything back. A fortnight later, I get a letter from the company.

'Dear Foxy,

Attached is a cheque for £80, addressed to you. Buy your mother something nice. There's nothing wrong with being dyslexic.'

We went out for a fancy meal with the rest of the family. Dad wasn't invited. In reflection, I feel rather fluffy.
(FoxyBadger (try saying it backwards), Sun 20 Jun 2010, 17:12, 21 replies)

i like this
lotsly
(jennymnemonic, Sun 20 Jun 2010, 17:21, closed)

Winner!
*click*
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Sun 20 Jun 2010, 17:22, closed)

Oh I do like this one.
Your dad sounds a bit of a cock, mind you.
(Big D, Sun 20 Jun 2010, 17:22, closed)

That
is really lovely of them.
(razakel, Sun 20 Jun 2010, 17:46, closed)

That is rather nice
Clickage and best wishes to your mother
( Cloudane, Sun 20 Jun 2010, 17:55, closed)

What an awesome story! :D

( Bob Todd whee, Sun 20 Jun 2010, 17:57, closed)

I think we have a winner here, ladies and gents.

( jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 20 Jun 2010, 18:04, closed)

^This^
Also for "get along like kittens and a lawnmower.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Sun 20 Jun 2010, 19:15, closed)

haha!
well played , well played. I hope you father ate moldy smmiches for dinner!
(goorf, Sun 20 Jun 2010, 19:24, closed)

clicky
Ace man. truly, your dad - I think he is beyond words.
(Subway Riding the rails underground, Sun 20 Jun 2010, 19:32, closed)

Fantastic
Thank you, I needed a laugh
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Sun 20 Jun 2010, 20:17, closed)

If you got rid of the linebreaks, I'd like this a lot more

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 20 Jun 2010, 20:46, closed)

I don't know

what you're on

about
(FoxyBadger (try saying it backwards), Sun 20 Jun 2010, 22:20, closed)

I disagree
I think the line breaks in this instance are justified as the formatting indicates the sections where Foxy is quoting the letters sent back and forth. Now call me a cunt. ONLINE.
( Bazongaloid, Sun 20 Jun 2010, 22:55, closed)

Readability is your friend.
lab.arc90.com/experiments/readability/
( Bob Todd whee, Sun 20 Jun 2010, 23:20, closed)

Ahhh
Thanks for that!

Lovely!

(Mind you, I thought it was readable anyway and the line breaks justified).

Good website though, thanks.
(dchurch bah, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 7:45, closed)

Suck my linebreaks, format nerd.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 2:49, closed)

Definitely a nice story, though as a massive pedant this has really been bothering me; ill-mannered what?
(Boar is dreaming of get rich quick schemes..., Mon 21 Jun 2010, 0:57, closed)

I like this. Muchly.

(Archeleus hates cabbage, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:25, closed)

Click for superbness...
...and also the mental images of white(/red) kittens entering(/leaving) a lawnmower.
( brown-wings Made with three kinds of butter, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:25, closed)

regdaByxoF?

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 13:57, closed)

Excellent! *click*
*makes a note to gaz Foxy if I need a letter writing*
( snee held his breath since, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 15:03, closed)

Click!
(Skeuomorph, Tue 22 Jun 2010, 0:24, closed)