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This is a question Top Tips

Got a great tip? Share it with us. You know, stuff like "Prevent sneezing by pressing you index finger firmly between your nose and your upper lip."

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 16:33)
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Tie a Magic Tree to you tonsils
for all day fresh, alpine breath
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 23:00, Reply)
Save yourself the bother of reading these Top Tips
by buying a copy of Viz, you bunch of fucking cheapskates.

*EDIT* Featured! Nice one Rob! :D
(stonersmurf stuckin' foned, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 20:50, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
Avoid wasting time on clitoral hoods
by telling her to do it herself
(I helped save b3ta! sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 16:07, Reply)
Birdsong waking you up too early in the morning
Buy a kestrel, buzzard or ideally a peregrine falcon
(I helped save b3ta! sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:09, Reply)
Avoid wasting money on lens hoods
by simply ordering the correct one in the first place.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:39, Reply)
Confuse a candle by putting it in the fridge.

(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 12:36, 1 reply, 14 years ago)
Test how much your parents love you
By disappearing with ne'erdowells for a while, and observing your parents' reaction.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 11:04, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
Avoid shooting yourself in the foot
Buy a gun with a safety catch!!
(TROLLING AWAY living under a post ironic bridge, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 19:25, 1 reply, 14 years ago)
having trouble with cats shitting in your flower beds?
Buy a lion
(TROLLING AWAY living under a post ironic bridge, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 19:23, Reply)
Save time wrapping Christmas presents this year
Become a mormon
(TROLLING AWAY living under a post ironic bridge, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 19:18, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
Thicken up those watery low fat Yoghurts
By stirring in some lard
(TROLLING AWAY living under a post ironic bridge, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 19:16, 1 reply, 14 years ago)
Not enough workers in your gay brothel?
Man the fuck up.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 10:49, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
Wee on the hard bits, they'll soon wash off.

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 10:47, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
Watch
American History X
Just watched it again after a long time. One of da best movies ever!
(The Hitman, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 21:08, Reply)
Create "smellyvision" in your own home
By sticking some spam behind a photo of your bollocks for a week or so.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:28, Reply)
Opposite side of the road?
You'll be all right.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:26, 1 reply, 14 years ago)
Depressed flaggelant?
Don't beat yourself up about it.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:16, Reply)
Surprise Clarice Starling...
by casually flinging a handful of fresh semen at her as she passes your cell.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 16:51, 6 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
Architects wishing to cross undammed rivers
Build a bridge and get over it.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 16:00, Reply)
Narcissistic hurdlers
Get over yourself.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 14 Jan 2011, 15:48, Reply)
Fancy being gay in dark but not during the day, generally?
Mostly come out at night. Mostly.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 15:16, 1 reply, 14 years ago)
Suffering from double vision?
Simple gouge out an eye with something sharp.


Or wear an eyepatch I suppose.
(I helped save b3ta! sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 14:44, Reply)
I was looking through some posts of mine from a few years ago,
and I found a top tip I'd forgotten I'd posted and because it made me do a lol I'm going to pea-roast it.

"Completely satisfy your bukkake urges by ram-raiding a spermbank with a minibus full of cheerleaders."
(I helped save b3ta! sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 14:33, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
Fancy a shag but can't be bothered to chat up a girl?
Simply give your mum a ring.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 14:20, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
Paranoid schizophrenic?
Have a word with yourself.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 14 Jan 2011, 14:08, Reply)
Avoid doing housework
by being bone idle.
(I helped save b3ta! sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 12:42, Reply)
Keep your gran warm in winter
by setting fire to her house.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 11:10, Reply)
A naked lady in a wheel barrow
makes an excellent mobile penis warmer.
(bunglist, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 1:14, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

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