Potatoes make ideal "dogs" for pumpkins.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 15:59, Reply)

Gravy
Never make gravy with the water you've boiled carrots in. It's too sweet. Potato-water or water for any green vegetables is much better.
(Smale is stuffed, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 14:49, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Trees make ideal "dogs" for buildings.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 13:36, Reply)

Cats make ideal "dogs" for tigers.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 12:36, Reply)

Muffins make ideal "dogs" for wedding cakes.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 9:59, Reply)

Do not correct the grammatical foibles of your significant other...
While she is incandescent with rage over a perceived transgression stemming from your less than enthusiastic response to her new hair colour.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Mon 31 Jan 2011, 9:01, Reply)

FIFA!
Stop fooling yourselves with extra time and make football a 93 minute game as standard.
(Woodlouse say it with flowers. Send her a Triffid, Sun 30 Jan 2011, 6:37, Reply)

Set fire to things.
It cleanses.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Sat 29 Jan 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Convince people you have the plague
by having a friend follow you about dressed in a beak doctor costume.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 21:28, Reply)

Scare people by telling them you have 'flu whenever you have a cold.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 16:36, Reply)

have a cold?
Don't have a wank, you might pass out with your cock in hand and be woken by your not so amused wife.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 14:29, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Never touch your eye
Except with your elbow
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 9:39, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Sick of cold callers?
Ask them to call 'flu instead.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 9:07, Reply)

Sick of cold callers?
offer to lend them a scarf and gloves and maybe a woolly jumper.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 16:49, Reply)

Sick of cold callers?
Shout expletives as soon as you pick up the phone and continue until the caller hangs up. So as not to offend your friends, make sure you tell them not to call you, even in an emergency.
( Smallbrainfield, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 13:43, Reply)

Boring Plane Journey?
Simply claim to have a bomb with you and everyone is going to die.
The next few hours will be a roller coaster of fun and you will probably get to see the new fancy Typhoon's up nice and close to your plane.
(Darth Thump, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 12:41, Reply)

Frogs made ideal pet "dogs" for iguanas.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:24, Reply)

An upturned camel
makes an ideal goal frame in the desert.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Wed 26 Jan 2011, 17:14, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Are you a massive Sexist?
Best to try to keep it to yourself and not say sexist things live on Sky tv.


Not that any women should have been watching mind, Unless they have a tv in the kitchen.
(Margatemug, Wed 26 Jan 2011, 17:00, Reply)

Protect yourself from the pain of loving, and the risk of breaking your heart again
By hiding the real you from the real world behind a barricade of bluffs, in a tapestry of tears.

It works every time.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 26 Jan 2011, 16:13, Reply)

Going out to the countryside?
Keep a couple of paperclips handy to make a gyroscope with in case your GPS breaks down.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 26 Jan 2011, 13:22, 9 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Fed up to the back teeth with everyone going on and on and fucking on and on about The King's Speech?
Go and see it.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Wed 26 Jan 2011, 11:52, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Ran out of toilet paper?
Clingfilm makes a handy substitute, and it's reusable too!
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 26 Jan 2011, 9:43, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Going out on the water, but suffering from a cold?
Make your tissues waterproof by covering them in wax.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 26 Jan 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Need to lose weight?
Have a bite of raw celery for every bite of other food. You'll soon develop a Pavlovian aversion to mealtimes and eat tiny portions.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 23:37, Reply)

If you need to use that Feed the Horse song
you'd be better using the techno remix.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 23:35, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Horses
I love horses is sooo last decade - I plead for
Feed the Horse - Fagget Fairys
From the band name to the lyrics it could have been invented by b3tans...

kind regards,
(threeverse ultima ratio regum, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 22:10, Reply)

No matter what he tells you...
Mr. Potato Head is not real...don't believe what he says, he is merely a plastic potato with removable features.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 21:25, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Make loads of friends and meet new and interesting (and sexy!) people
by joining Facebook.

It's such fun.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 20:56, Reply)

Want an in-flight nail trim?
Hide your nail-clippers in your Glock.
( Weejock, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 15:58, 1 reply, 14 years ago)