Avoid creating washing up
by eating out for every meal.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:33, Reply)

How to keep drawers clean
........especially ones with cutlery / kitchen implements

Simply line the draw with a sheet of foil for easy replacement / removal

According to my cleaner* at least




* yes, I am fucking rich
(Mean Mad Mutski, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 14:43, 14 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Suffer from an incredibly itchy anus during the night?
Nor me. However, if you did, have a good wash at bedtime and dry well, with a hairdryer if possible. Then once in bed, wedge a cork sideways between your buttocks so that air can get to the sphincter and sleep in the recovery position.
This is an untested tip because I've never been kept awake at night scratching away until my nipsy is sore.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 1 Mar 2011, 12:25, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

At my work, if you press the coffee machine button twice you get a stronger drink.
just found out today, after three years of putting up with pissy coffee.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 1 Mar 2011, 12:24, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Makers of automobile commercials
give the cars number plates with symmetrical characters i.e. numbers 1,8 and 0 and any letters from A,H,I,M,O,T,U,V,W,X and Y. In any combination, it doesn't matter.

That way you can film the advert once and then flip the image for adverts in markets with left hand drive instead of right-hand and the image doesn't look wrong.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Mon 28 Feb 2011, 20:52, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Black people causing a racket in your street with their ghetto blasters and incessant rapping?
Politely ask them to keep the volume at a more socially acceptable level. Most people are gracious enough to accept a reasonable request regardless of the colour of their skin.

For best results you should refer to them as "You people"
(Figmaus, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 16:05, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Clean your microwave easily
by cutting a lemon in half, putting both halves in the microwave and microwaving them on full power for about 30 seconds.
(Smale is stuffed, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 13:59, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Prevent sneezing
by doing an impression of Hitler
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 12:22, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Dropped your phone down the bog?
Remove the battery and place the phone to dry in an oven at a low temperature, like 50 degrees C. Ideal for making meringues.
(Smale is stuffed, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:48, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

registered with the same dentist as me?
Aren't they shit?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:06, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Try and read the QOTW or image challenge suggestion before posting
'Kittens doing science' doesn't mean re-hash lolcats and 'drunk parents' doesn't mean post stories about drunken parents friends or drunken uncles.
(sonofstuj is exactly who you think he is, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 23:25, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Make your neighbour
think you're mental by poking about in the garden all night and then sleeping all day (except every other Monday)
(Appleseed Is getting married 24/05/2014. All invited., Thu 24 Feb 2011, 22:40, Reply)

people with ebay accounts
Please buy my old tat. I'm trying to raise cash for a new motherboard and graphics card
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 21:21, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Make ants think they're in New Zealand
by covering them with Pieces of concrete.

What?
( Not Pineapple anymore, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 18:48, Reply)

Make Groundhog Day more exciting by
Make Groundhog Day more exciting by
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 15:55, Reply)

Kids in the 1970's.
Ask for TCR for Christmas. It's fucking ACE.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 14:42, Reply)

Make ants think they're in Libya by standing in a corner waving a cricket bat at them and screaming that they're totally dead meat they really are this time and that you mean it.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 10:01, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Kids in the 1980s
Don't bother asking for Domino Rally for Christmas. It's the epitome of 'not as good as it looks on the adverts'.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 1:12, 9 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Make ants think they're in New Zealand
by turning them upside down and referring to them as 'ints'
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 24 Feb 2011, 1:10, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Want to go out, but can't afford a babysitter?
Your local paedophile would probably be willing to watch the kids for free
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 22:45, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Halifax Bank
Fuck right off and die, you fucking wanky wanker shitty bastard cuntbubbles
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 17:24, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Don't try to date the whole internet
They're a bunch of weirdos.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 23 Feb 2011, 13:12, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Make ants think they're in New Zealand
by putting them on top of a big stereo speaker and turning the bass up to 11.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 22 Feb 2011, 11:48, Reply)

Animal Lovers
Sedate the dog first.
(Hobbes-sandwich cannot be extinguished with water., Mon 21 Feb 2011, 23:00, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

LOLZ make ideal dogs for ROFLZ.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 21 Feb 2011, 15:11, Reply)

IF $1
THEN $2
LOLZ will ensue
(weaselinajetengine, Sat 19 Feb 2011, 20:41, Reply)

Hill Walkers and climbers
Avoid tiredness whilst ascending inclines by walking backwards. The constant downhill view will fool your brain into thinking you are descending from the summit and prevent fatigue in your legs on long hikes.
(spleenspleenspleen coffeeflavouredsugarcoatednicotine, Sat 19 Feb 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Never watch a pot while it is boiling
or you could be there for a long time.
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 10:32, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Do an impression of your mum by patting the back of your hand and trying to bite your left ear.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Feb 2011, 17:01, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)