Wind Up People
who overuse the phrase “Oh My God!” by exclaiming “I didn’t know you were religious?”, every time they say it...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 16 Jun 2011, 19:56, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Annoy your girlfriend
by stealing the batteries to her vibrator
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 19:30, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

A landline phone
Is a perfect mobile phone for people too scared to leave their house
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 19:29, Reply)

red
makes an ideal green, for people that are colourblind.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 19:28, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Pencils
make ideal 'pens' for people that make mistakes
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 19:27, Reply)

Amuse yourself at the self service tills in the supermarket
by shitting in the 'bagging area' and walking off laughing. Then it's not 'unexpected' LOL
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 19:25, Reply)

When one of your regular grocery purchases
suddenly claims to be a "new improved recipe!", then it is time to stop buying it because I can assure you that the only thing that will have improved is the profit margins for the manufacturer to the detriment to the consumer's tastebuds.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 19:23, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Compare the market
Cannot tell you which is better out of Android or Billingsgate.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 17:37, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

educate football fans
And then extract blood from a stone.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:03, Reply)

Educate football fans
by reminding them that it's only a game.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 15:42, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

the inbuilt spell checker function in your browser
can't help you with your feeble grasp of grammar and syntax
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 14:40, Reply)

Wind Up Chelsea Fans
by informing them that former goalkeeper Peter Bonetti was nicknamed 'The Cat' not because he was a great goalkeeper, but because he used to shit in people's gardens...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 16 Jun 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Be passive aggressive to birds
By putting out nets of peanuts and seeds and bird feeders with those fat-balls in.

And then a few days later, buy a cat.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 9:57, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

"Anoy" Spandau Ballet Fans
by telling them that the name derives from the involuntary leg jerks of hanged men at Spandau Prison...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 16 Jun 2011, 9:19, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

chopped and seasoned lamb
make an ideal lining for your grandma
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 9:07, Reply)

Goats make ideal sheep for gorillas.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 9:02, Reply)

when posting ironic tips etc
why not make good use of the inbuilt spell checker function in your browser?
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 23:12, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Mak sur tha
peple tha com her cunt red whatr us sayin be pay nu atenton to spek or sgkjrt but crtry on nywy luk u didn' car les.

But learn how to spell fluffybunnykiller first.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 22:23, Reply)

If you are
a short, stocky, blond man of indeterminate sexuality, maybe you shouldn't wear that Spongebob Squarepants T-Shirt.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:41, Reply)

Ryan Giggs
Suing Twitter didn't work out. If suing Tabloids doesn't, next I'd suggest suing Town Cryers.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 21:40, Reply)

Treat your kids to a WTF moment
by texting them "dead panda's bumhole bum aids"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 19:32, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

northern rail
Invest in some new rolling stock you tight cunts
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:35, Reply)

an erect penis
Makes a good temporary gnomon for a broken sundial.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 18:31, Reply)

why not tell both the levellers and new model army that they are both
to late for the parade as oliver cromwell got there first
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 17:38, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

when eating frozen oven chips
why not try heating them first for a genuine authentic chipshop taste
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 17:30, Reply)

anoy spandue ballet fans
by telling them that there never was a ballet and the rudolf hess died many years ago from wanking to death in his cell
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 16:46, Reply)

Learn to touch type
It will pay dividends in the long term
(Smale is stuffed, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 15:10, 10 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Annoy New Model Army fans by telling them they're just ripping off The Levellers.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:27, Reply)

Annoy Led Zeppelin Fans
by explaining that any dirigible constructed from a heavy metal would would go down like a lead ba.... oh, you get the idea...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 15 Jun 2011, 14:00, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)