Blind people
If you are bored with nothing to do, stand near a cool breeze and the resulting chills will give you goose bumps which you can then 'read' like braille for an interesting abstract story.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 10:39, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Pretend you are Jo Brand
by making jokes about how you are fat, unattractive and look like a lesbian.

Oh... and periods.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 10:36, 7 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Feet make ideal hands
for people born with hands instead of feet.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Make people think you are married
By walking around with a gloomy and unhappy expression.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 10:33, Reply)

A horseshoe painted red with silver ends
makes an ideal fake magnet, for people scared of magnetism.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 10:32, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

speech bubbles are great way of communocation
for people who cant speak
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 10:32, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

SMEG refrigerator manufacturers
make your brand name less risible by renaming yourself 'ANAL PUS SEEPAGE'
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 0:04, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Authors/Authoresses
Avoid getting the dreaded writer's block by simply packing the whole thing in altogether. Like your Dad says every Christmas after a few brandy's, It's not a proper job anyway.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:35, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

mind how you woo your British girlfriend with poetry
with 'shall I compare thee to a summer's day' as the typical summer day in Britain is miserable, blustery and thundery.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:04, Reply)

Give your cock
the appearance of a WWI German grenade by writing 'Achtung!' along the shaft...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:26, Reply)

A vagina filled with shit makes an ideal 'bumhole' for a gay man.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:11, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Eagle your sticky golden tape.
Try not why waterproof selotape wrapping?
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 19:29, Reply)

your golden eagle not sticky enough?
why not try double sided sticky tape
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 18:18, Reply)

Make Selotape golden, by wrapping it in eagles.

(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 17:56, Reply)

Make golden eagles waterproof by wrapping them in sellotape.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 17:07, Reply)

the best place to hide cables so people dont steal them is above busy rail lines like rainham

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 16:57, Reply)

when leaving photos of tools around be sure to make the numbers first in the argos catalogue just incase the thief is santa

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 16:54, Reply)

prevent tool theft from your cellar by living at the top of a tower block

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 16:53, Reply)

Fool tool thieves
by only leaving photos of tools next to your shed in the cellar, and keeping your real tools tied to the anvil.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 16:48, Reply)

Steal someones tools
by placing a shed next to someone's house to cover up the hole you are digging into their cellar before stealing all their tools by attracting them to a large electro magnet powered by stolen overhead cables from a railway in Essex.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 16:39, Reply)

Prevent shed theft by keeping your shed in your cellar
Next to your tools.

Be sure to put an anvil in it to weigh it down.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 16:36, Reply)

Prevent shed theft
by not owning a shed and having a cellar to store all the tools you dont use.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 16:32, Reply)

steal a shed by flipping your magnet over.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 15:54, Reply)

Prevent your anvil filled shed being stolen by the use of a large magnet
by covering the roof with magnets facing upwards with the corresponding polarity so as to repel the large magnet. Therefore forcing it down.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Rainham is an excellent place from which to source cable if making a high-powered magnet.
You'll also need an anvil, and a shed.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)

C2C: Put security guards on the train line in Rainham
To stop people nicking the overhead cable ONCE. A. FUCKING. WEEK. SINCE. CHRISTMAS.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 12:04, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

make a high powerd magnet by stealing an anvil and wraping it in more stolen cable preferably stolen from a shed

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Anvil in the shed preventing you stealing it?
Move the whole thing by using a high-powered magnet.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Create your own invigorating and eye-opening facial scrub
by embedding pieces of gravel into a bar of soap...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 13 Jul 2011, 23:20, Reply)

to find out if you are gay simply bend over in a shower and see what pops up

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 21:59, Reply)