Spend a lot on your weekly shopping?
Miss out a week of your weekly big shop, and you'll realise that you'll still have enough stuff in the cupboard to feed you for the week.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 12:40, Reply)

Confuse sparrows by covering their nests with plate glass bowls.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 10:53, Reply)

Rebekah Brooks avoid being mistaken for a man
by walking around naked instead
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 8:16, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

prostitutes avoid sex with men who have leporesy
they may leave more of the tip than you thought
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 8:07, Reply)

Make your washing machine jealous by doing the ironing in front of it.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 7:42, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

NoTW journalists avoid being found dead
by playing the triangle instead of blowing the wistle
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 20:55, Reply)

pet owners when buying a pedigree siamese cat
make sure that you get both parts of the cat , other wise it is just a cat
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 20:49, Reply)

Want another copy of your insurance documents
but your insurer wants at least £25 for them to click the print button and stuff them in an envelope? Simply send them a Subject Access Request for any paperwork and documents they have for your account with them. The very most they can charge you, by law, for this is £10.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 17:17, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Bring the relaxed vibe of a music festival to your office
by filling it with the smell of hot nylon, cider, and shit.

Add realism by setting fire to a chair and being sick on it.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 16:20, Reply)

Annoy your work colleagues
by whistling Popcorn by Hot Butter...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Mon 18 Jul 2011, 15:18, Reply)

Make your dog think it's a hallucinating schitzophrenic
by sticking a photo of your cat at the bottom of it's waterbowl.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 14:11, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Although coming in its own 'Froobs' style handy packaging.
KY doesnt taste anywhere near as nice as just plain Orange, or Strawberry.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 13:55, Reply)

If doing the old 'putting a rubber band round the base of your semi erect penis' trick
To impress possibly a ladyfriend, work colleagues or the magistrate. Remember to remove it before going out for a few beers, therefore preventing severe penile trauma in the early hours of the morning.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Mon 18 Jul 2011, 13:46, Reply)

MEN!! Outdo the current marketing trend for women and their 'Vajazzling'
by impressing your grilfriend(s) with a live firework tied to your knob, which when ignited showers her with sparks from your 'Cocksplosion'(TM)
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Sun 17 Jul 2011, 21:34, Reply)

alternativly go to the rahj
and build a fart instead
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Sat 16 Jul 2011, 22:57, Reply)

food marketing people
misappropriate the word 'smothered' for a positive description of the addition of a topping, as if the fact a foodstuff has been suffocated will make it more delicious, even if it's been done with cheese or onions.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Sat 16 Jul 2011, 22:41, Reply)

Amuse yourself on a boring Sunday
by going to DFS and making a fort.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Sat 16 Jul 2011, 22:21, Reply)

Pretend you like either cars or films
by watching a 'fast and furious' film
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Sat 16 Jul 2011, 22:20, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

powefpofweopjfw384
ofjfewjojpoew po1 o3oj 14 ojjop !~fjfjo 2@
(speedevil, Sat 16 Jul 2011, 21:25, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Blurns make ideal blurns
For blurns with blurns
(Frample Tromwibbler climbs an obstacle like old people fuck, Sat 16 Jul 2011, 19:49, Reply)

an aero shoved up your arse and allowed to melt makes a great cup filler if you have two girls to entertain

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 19:58, Reply)

Wile E. Coyote would make a great example of how to cunt the economy

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 15:58, Reply)

Pretend you're Graham Norton
by saying "Errm" a lot.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 15:35, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Fat people - Lose weight fast
by riding the "Vomit Comet".

Though you mass will stay the same.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 15:32, Reply)

Annoy 'role-playing' enthusiasts
by claiming you used to play but found the rising costs of bread too much...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Fri 15 Jul 2011, 14:28, Reply)

polystyrene ceiling tiles
make a much tastier substitute for Crackerbread, and they squeak on your teeth less as well.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 14:22, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Don't throw away your used teabags, tinfoil pie cases and orange-peel
They probably have a useful dual purpose. I can't think of anything just yet, but I'm sure it'll come to me, so hang onto them for now.


Ooh, hang on, you could wrap the peel around the teabags then put them around the...

No, that wouldn't work. Forget that. I'll get back to you when I've thought of something.
(costas, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 14:03, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Fat people! Lose weight fast
By not eating cake.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:04, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Jaffa Cakes boxes
arranged on end around ants' nests creates an ideal insect 'Manhattan'...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Pretend you are Jo Brand
by being Sarah Millican.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:25, Reply)