Throw lettuces at people
and when questioned as to why, reply "Cos"...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:39, Reply)

Create absolutely nothing at all
By adding a cat to a dog.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:27, Reply)

men a mask of william shatner worn over your face
is a convincing way of fooling people that you are a hermaphrodite and do indeed posses a knob and a Vagiiiinnnaaaaa
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 12:06, Reply)

smashing your self in the face with a paving slab is a great way
of simulating a fall from a high building
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)

Use a prosthetic mask to make your wife think she's married someone else.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:12, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Squeeze vinegar into your eye for that "Freshly squeezed vinegar in my eye" smell.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:23, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

White Van Drivers
assert your alpha-male attributes and superiority over other road-users by aggressively tail-gating, dangerously overtaking and cutting into/up traffic with impunity. Assuming the standard ‘right hand at the 12 o’clock’ position on the steering wheel is a must...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Fri 22 Jul 2011, 2:21, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

amputated lesbians fingers make a great alternative to fishfingers

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 18:24, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Left Leaning National Broadcasters!
Current scandal not going to bring down the right wing government after all?
Drop it like a hot potato.
(Darth Thump, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:48, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

a rotating laundrette tumble drier
full of loose change, scaffold poles, steam irons and biscuit tin lids make a cheap replacement for hiring an 'Industrial Metal' band.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:39, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Respond to those
who enquire as to whether you use "social media", by proclaiming that you watch TV down the pub...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:03, Reply)

Lying down on a top tip
makes it feel like someone else wrote it.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:00, Reply)

Prevent possibly using the same idea as someone else for a top tip
by reading all 487 newsletters or all 4572 top tips
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:53, 6 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

MEN!
Confuse and irritate right-on feminist friends by watching this video through headphones. www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSXDCMSlv_I
With the sound it's a feminist critique of advertising images of women. Without it, it's a slideshow of sexy ladees in their underwear.
When challenged, remove headphones and give 'em a withering look.
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:40, Reply)

old ladys tired and bored of stinking of piss all day?
why not try shitting your self for a change
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Make people think you've died by never answering the door or leaving the house.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:41, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Dribbling blobs of red paint into a can of plain white paint
makes a quick and easy way to paint the room a nice polka dot pattern.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:35, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

a holowed out tramp makes an excelent costume for begging

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 11:10, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Scare people
into thinking that a 1984-style Totalitarian state is slowly becoming reality by voting Tory last year.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 10:57, Reply)

confuse people by using long words and not pictures

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 9:53, 7 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Scare People
into thinking that a 1984-style Totalitarian state is slowly becoming reality by adding ‘plus’ or ‘doubleplus’ to the beginning of a word to make it positive, eg. ‘good’, to replace ‘very good’, ‘excellent’ and ‘splendid’.
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 21 Jul 2011, 9:51, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Confuse cups and mugs
By using them as paperweights instead of pen holders.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 8:47, Reply)

Scare People
into thinking that a 1984-style Totalitarian state is slowly becoming reality by adding ‘un’ to the beginning of a word to make it negative, eg. ‘uncold’ replaces ‘warm’.
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 21 Jul 2011, 8:04, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

women
Help your husband sleep by sucking him off at bedtime.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 1:17, 6 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Scare People
into thinking that a 1984-style Totalitarian state is slowly becoming reality by forming adjectives with the addition of –ful to the noun-verb, so that ‘sharp’ becomes ‘knifeful’.
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 20 Jul 2011, 23:51, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

if you're a betting type, spend £1 on a Poundland high viz vest instead of the lottery that week
so when you have to change a puncture you are 1/2 as likely to get hit by another vehicle. 14,000,000 to one winning the lottery versus 1/2 the chance someone will run you down in Chingford. Much better bang for your buck and you only have to do it once.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 23:45, Reply)

taliban suicide bombers make great alternatives to bangers and fireworks in november

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 22:51, Reply)

if you find your self drawn to the naked image of Rebeckah Brookes through the power of some one elses toptipery
then it is you who needs help


now where is my ginger whoopee cushion?
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 22:03, Reply)

Top Tippers:
Obsessing about Rebekah Brooks' nakedness isn't creepy, at all. Oh, no, not at all.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 21:58, Reply)

Scare People
into thinking that a 1984-style Totalitarian state is slowly becoming reality by forming adverbs with the addition of –wise to the noun-verb, so that ‘sharply’ becomes ‘knifewise’.
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 20 Jul 2011, 21:40, 1 reply, 14 years ago)